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I have been away from the site and this thread for a good while and I find that I've stumbled into a quagmire I didn't even know existed.  Hate crimes against asexuals?  I know asexuality is a real thing--I have been part of the public llibrary world for over 20 years now and I have met a large number of individuals of both sexes which I would place in this category, though that's mostly through personal observation and not really though any discussions I've had with the individuals concerned.  So I might be wrong.  It is a truism that my profession boasts a very high percentage of Introverts, and I suppose those with an I disposition are more statistically inclined to also identify as Asexual.

It's hard to fathom people getting so incensed at others who choose to *not* have sex.  That seems like the most neutral and non-objectionable position imaginable, unless of course some of these attackers are mad because they wanted to have a physical relationship with an Ace and were rebuffed.  People as a rule are made very uncomfortable by individuals who buck 'the norm' for whatever reason because that might lead to uncomfortable self-analysis about their own knee-jerk conformity.  Lashing out is the easier course than introspection, and they can always tell themselves that it's righteous anger as guardians of 'the normal' they are using to justify their rage.

I"m not asexual, but for practical purposes, I might as well be.  If my internal orientation matched my external circumstances I would no doubt feel a lot more content with my life.   Having just recently celebrated another birthday which shoves me further into my middle age, I am basically accepting now that singlehood is, barring some miracle of God, going to be my perpetual state.  Asexuality is really a blessing if it allows a person to be free of constantly yearning for a partner who is not going to materialize.  When I was younger, I used to pray to meet somebody, but I have shifted my focus into a more useful channel:  How can I make the most of my life by myself?  If someone else comes along to share in it, that would be great, but I no longer expect that to happen.  I can't wait until I'm coupled to start experiencing my life fully, whether it be traveling certain places by myself or saving up to buy that comfortable sofa or 'good' towels/TV/laundry machines, what have you, for myself to enjoy alone.

I'm in  a sort of maudlin/introspective place on account of it being now just over two years since I joined this community (October 31, 2017) and I'm in a taking-stock mood.   My own personal New Year has always tended to be at my birthday rather than January 1st, a time when I have to face up to the inevitable reality that i have once again disappointed myself by my progress through the year.    The weather at present is not helping me feel more cheerful.  The extra hour of sleep I got yesterday was appreciated but not so much when the bill--darkness at 5:30--comes due.

I'm going away now and coming back when I feel more positive about life!  The windows are getting smaller for that.

 

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3 hours ago, Hikari said:

Asexuality is really a blessing if it allows a person to be free of constantly yearning for a partner who is not going to materialize.

I think that would only be if the asexual person is also aromantic.  I lack sexual attraction but still desire love, companionship, and even marriage.  That puts me in an infinitesimal percentage of people, and you can imagine how well it goes over with most men who are also seeking romantic partners.  It's not easy.

3 hours ago, Hikari said:

My own personal New Year has always tended to be at my birthday rather than January 1st, a time when I have to face up to the inevitable reality that i have once again disappointed myself by my progress through the year.

I know the feeling.  :(  I think all of us probably make less progress in a year than we hope to.  It can be hard to muster the energy for it all.  I hope you'll feel a bit better about life once your personal New Year passes.  Happy Birthday, whenever it is!

 

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26 minutes ago, Artemis said:

I think that would only be if the asexual person is also aromantic.  I lack sexual attraction but still desire love, companionship, and even marriage.  That puts me in an infinitesimal percentage of people, and you can imagine how well it goes over with most men who are also seeking romantic partners.  It's not easy.

I know the feeling.  :(  I think all of us probably make less progress in a year than we hope to.  It can be hard to muster the energy for it all.  I hope you'll feel a bit better about life once your personal New Year passes.  Happy Birthday, whenever it is!

 

Oh, my birthday was a month ago today.  That month just whizzed by!  It was beautiful for the first bit and then we had a blizzard on Halloween.  It might be downhill from there.  Last winter was historically awful; I hope we aren't due for a repeat.  It's not the cold I mind as much as the early darkness.  It's really knocking me for a loop!

 

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18 hours ago, Artemis said:

I lack sexual attraction but still desire love, companionship, and even marriage. 

That's hard.

I actually do not desire or want (any more) love, but it still can happen, that my hormones go berserk over someone and because I always fall for those I know I can't - or even want(!) to get, it's always super-annoying and feels more like an illness. Not to mention it's a waste of time and energy. Good, it doesn't happen too often and the last time it happened 10 years ago.

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On 11/4/2019 at 2:14 PM, Hikari said:

I have been away from the site and this thread for a good while and I find that I've stumbled into a quagmire I didn't even know existed.  Hate crimes against asexuals?  I know asexuality is a real thing--I have been part of the public llibrary world for over 20 years now and I have met a large number of individuals of both sexes which I would place in this category, though that's mostly through personal observation and not really though any discussions I've had with the individuals concerned.  So I might be wrong.  It is a truism that my profession boasts a very high percentage of Introverts, and I suppose those with an I disposition are more statistically inclined to also identify as Asexual.

It's hard to fathom people getting so incensed at others who choose to *not* have sex.  That seems like the most neutral and non-objectionable position imaginable, unless of course some of these attackers are mad because they wanted to have a physical relationship with an Ace and were rebuffed.  People as a rule are made very uncomfortable by individuals who buck 'the norm' for whatever reason because that might lead to uncomfortable self-analysis about their own knee-jerk conformity.  Lashing out is the easier course than introspection, and they can always tell themselves that it's righteous anger as guardians of 'the normal' they are using to justify their rage.

I"m not asexual, but for practical purposes, I might as well be.  If my internal orientation matched my external circumstances I would no doubt feel a lot more content with my life.   Having just recently celebrated another birthday which shoves me further into my middle age, I am basically accepting now that singlehood is, barring some miracle of God, going to be my perpetual state.  Asexuality is really a blessing if it allows a person to be free of constantly yearning for a partner who is not going to materialize.  When I was younger, I used to pray to meet somebody, but I have shifted my focus into a more useful channel:  How can I make the most of my life by myself?  If someone else comes along to share in it, that would be great, but I no longer expect that to happen.  I can't wait until I'm coupled to start experiencing my life fully, whether it be traveling certain places by myself or saving up to buy that comfortable sofa or 'good' towels/TV/laundry machines, what have you, for myself to enjoy alone.

I'm in  a sort of maudlin/introspective place on account of it being now just over two years since I joined this community (October 31, 2017) and I'm in a taking-stock mood.   My own personal New Year has always tended to be at my birthday rather than January 1st, a time when I have to face up to the inevitable reality that i have once again disappointed myself by my progress through the year.    The weather at present is not helping me feel more cheerful.  The extra hour of sleep I got yesterday was appreciated but not so much when the bill--darkness at 5:30--comes due.

I'm going away now and coming back when I feel more positive about life!  The windows are getting smaller for that.

I feel ya, sister.

I think I've learned not to let it take too much away from me, though. I hope I have. This has been a particularly rough year, we'll see how I feel about it all when the next one rolls around. I hope I can leave it behind and keep going forward; I see no advantage to the alternative. 

I do wish for more companionship than I actually have at present. Hopefully, this too shall pass … in one way or another. Patience, self ….. 

 

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What did you do to that poor man, Dabbler? :lol:

gJOz41H.jpg

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I plead both innocence and ignorance.   :party:

I love that sort of review (this one's from goodreads, first one on this page), though it's probably just as well that they're rare -- more entertaining that informative, obviously!

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