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Sorry if I'm repeating myself, can't remember if I have previously shared this on here or my other forum.

To try and keep it brief: years ago, when I was young...my then best friend really upset me.

I confided in Mum and she gave me this advice:  do you want to keep this person in your life?

In my case, yes I did...

We lost touch for years...but a few years ago we got back together and have never looked back since.

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On 5/2/2020 at 12:53 PM, Sheerluck said:

I would alter my previous statement to forgive her and move the hell on.

 

5 hours ago, besleybean said:

do you want to keep this person in your life?


I agree with both of the above, at least to a certain extent.  It seems to me that you have not one but two decisions to make, FL:

1.  Can you forgive her?  This part is more for your benefit than hers, really.  Even if you choose never to see her again, you could still allow those experiences to eat away at you.  Letting go of those feelings is difficult -- I know that from my own experience -- but it's really important.  Maybe it would help to tell yourself that she was so torn up by her mother's death that she didn't fully understand her own behavior (or its consequences), which is likely to be true.

2.  Then, as Bev says, you need to decide whether you'd prefer to have her back in your life -- or not -- and if so, then to what extent.

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13 hours ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

 


I agree with both of the above, at least to a certain extent.  It seems to me that you have not one but two decisions to make, FL:

1.  Can you forgive her?  This part is more for your benefit than hers, really.  Even if you choose never to see her again, you could still allow those experiences to eat away at you.  Letting go of those feelings is difficult -- I know that from my own experience -- but it's really important.  Maybe it would help to tell yourself that she was so torn up by her mother's death that she didn't fully understand her own behavior (or its consequences), which is likely to be true.

2.  Then, as Bev says, you need to decide whether you'd prefer to have her back in your life -- or not -- and if so, then to what extent.

Yes, please remember - forgiveness is for YOU. And forgiveness does NOT require reconciliation, unless that's what you want.

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BErzOlf.jpg

In my experience, not a bad rule to live by if you can pull it off (I definitely need to work on that forgiving part, and as I get older the not forgetting bit too :lol: ).

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I somehow find it easier to forgive other people (or at least to think of some plausible reason why they might have done what they did, which I think amounts to roughly the same thing) than to let myself off the hook.  Of course I *know* why I did whatever it was, so I can't make up excuses.  But oddest of all, I seem to have the most trouble forgiving myself when I really did have a perfectly innocent reason for my actions, but they turned out badly in ways I had no reason to anticipate.

People sure are funny -- me included.

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59 minutes ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

I somehow find it easier to forgive other people (or at least to think of some plausible reason why they might have done what they did, which I think amounts to roughly the same thing) than to let myself off the hook.  Of course I *know* why I did whatever it was, so I can't make up excuses.  But oddest of all, I seem to have the most trouble forgiving myself when I really did have a perfectly innocent reason for my actions, but they turned out badly in ways I had no reason to anticipate.

People sure are funny -- me included.

^ Same here.

I don't have much to add to what's already been said, but best wishes for you in your predicament, FL.  I've been there, it's rough.

 

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Thank you guys, I really appreciate it. I thought about it and came to the following decision: I'll talk to her, see what she has to say. I'll see if she feels guilty about it, but it will take a long time for me to forgive her.

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Hi all, just dropping in to let you know I'm still around, just been super busy.

FL, sorry to hear what you've been going through, I'm in a similar situation with someone who I once thought of as my best friend. I'd like to keep her in my life, but she's sure making it tough. I hope your situation resolves. It sounds to me like you're on the right track.

Hope everyone is staying safe. I'll try to drop in more often, miss you all!

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Good to hear from you.  Glad to hear you’re keeping busy.

 

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Agh, too busy! Trying to sell my house. Have an offer ... if I take it, I'll be even busier, moving. UGH.

Right now someone else is touring the house, so I'm sitting in my car at the library, borrowing their wifi and admiring their astonishing rose garden. This library is about five minutes from my house, and I had no idea this rose garden even existed until now. Every color rose you can think of, it's stunning. Well, wait ... nope, no black roses. Well, shoot, that ruins it. ;) 

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34 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

Trying to sell my house. Have an offer ... if I take it, I'll be even busier, moving. UGH.

Getting ready to move is my idea of purgatory.  I am NEVER moving again!!!

35 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

Every color rose you can think of, it's stunning.

Next time you're in London (if it's about the right time of year), check out the rose garden in Regent's Park.  A lot of their roses are old-fashioned types that smell really nice.

Pretty sure there are no black ones, though!

 

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