Speedy's Cafe - General Chat about anything you like!

[Carol the Dabbler]

15 hours ago, Artemis said:

I enjoy fireworks and encourage jubilation.  I feel like people need more reasons to celebrate life, not less.

10 hours ago, Caya said:

If you're a pet owner (or simply worried about wildlife) there's very little to celebrate about them, especially the extra stupid ones that don't produce a light show, just as much of a senseless racket as possible. 

I agree with both of you.  *sigh*

 

[Fantasy Lover]

Personally, I feel firework should only be bought by the city Council and only for new year, not used for private use. It was on the news here that there was a increase of burn victims by private use of firework, and on new year a lot of people launched firework in the direction of the police, and the guy they interviewed asked for a ban both in stores as well online. I doubt it will happen but it will be good news for pet owners 

[Carol the Dabbler]

15 hours ago, Fantasy Lover said:

... the guy they interviewed asked for a ban both in stores as well online. I doubt it will happen but it will be good news for pet owners.

I share your doubt.

For one thing, as long as it's easy to travel between states (here in the US) or countries (in the EU), it'll be very hard to keep fireworks from being brought into jurisdictions where they can't be sold.

Here in Indiana the law is kind of odd:  It's perfectly legal to sell fireworks and to buy them.  But it's illegal for an unauthorized person to set them off.  I conjecture that that came about as follows:  Fireworks used to be legal here, so there were stores that sold them (mostly in June and July, because we associate fireworks with Independence Day, July 4th).  When the legislature started talking about banning most of them, the store owners pointed out that people would simply cross the state line to buy them (which of course they would, since one state line or another is within about 75 miles -- 125 km -- of any point in the state).  Thus the current law.  When you buy fireworks in Indiana, you're required to sign a statement that you will not light the fuse within this state, but of course just about everyone ignores that.

I assume that if anyone were being truly obnoxious with their unofficial firework display, or if they were blatantly ignoring safety recommendations (especially if anyone was hurt or a neighbor's property was damaged), the law would be enforced.  But otherwise it seems to be pretty much ignored.

 

[Artemis]

On 1/4/2023 at 12:36 AM, Caya said:

If you're a pet owner (or simply worried about wildlife) there's very little to celebrate about them, especially the extra stupid ones that don't produce a light show, just as much of a senseless racket as possible.

Yeah, as a pet owner I do understand.  This last summer my dog was having serious health problems around the 4th of July, and the fireworks were exacerbating his issue.  I turned the TV volume up loud and that seemed to help somewhat.

Everyone just needs to be more considerate of each other.  Here, I think a concession can be made for fireworks on the 4th of July, in the evening hours at the very least.  What I don't like is when people treat Independence Day like Independence Month, or Independence Season.  It's not uncommon for me to hear fireworks every night starting in mid-June, and continuing well past July 4th, even into August sometimes.  And not only that, but in the middle of the night.  That's not fair to your neighbors and that's where people need to stop being selfish.  Have your fun on the 4th, and if you want to continue with quiet fireworks like sparklers, by all means do so; but don't make families with animals, sleeping babies, and war veterans, suffer every night for months.

 

[besleybean]

I was thinking fireworks should only be acceptable for New Year...

but of course that was very much a UK perspective.

I completely forgot about your 4th July...damn colonials.  Ha!

Seriously, does any great celebration HAVE to involve firworks?

Athough I realise historically, gun powder may very much have been a part of the actual events now commemorated.

[Artemis]

2 minutes ago, besleybean said:

Athough I realise historically, gun powder may very much have been a part of the actual events now commemorated.

Yeah, that's actually the main reason Independence Day is celebrated with fireworks.  It's not just 'cause they're pretty, it's supposed to serve as a more serious reminder of the reality of war.

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

2 hours ago, Artemis said:

What I don't like is when people treat Independence Day like Independence Month....

Good heavens -- I guess I'd better stop griping about people who set off fireworks for *only* a week or two!

 

[Van Buren Supernova]

On 1/4/2023 at 2:36 PM, Caya said:

If you're a pet owner (or simply worried about wildlife) there's very little to celebrate about them, especially the extra stupid ones that don't produce a light show, just as much of a senseless racket as possible. 

It's very common for dogs to run away or stressed out because of this. I can only imagine the impact on their sensitive hearing. 

I once lived in a questionable neighborhood, where kids thought it would be funny to light a firecracker and throw it under unsuspecting passing cars. I don't know if that is dangerous, but it's a f around and find out situation. It terrified me as a kid, imagining being in the car and hearing loud bangs around you.

I'm fine with celebrations at appropriate times with responsibility. I spent my younger years hunting for fireworks videos on New Year Eves.

[Carol the Dabbler]

I just came across this web page, entitled "Prehensile Feet: People With Feet Similar to Monkeys."

I am wondering whether some people's feet are like that due to genes or due to experience.  I suspect it's a bit of both.  For example, someone who went barefoot a lot (especially as a kid) would be more likely to have better use of their feet, compared to someone who had always worn shoes.  And if the barefoot kid started out with prehensile-foot genes, their feet would likely be even more flexible and usable.

In areas where I've lived, shoes are the norm, so if I met someone with prehensile feet, how would I know?  But I used to have a friend who could (and often did) pick things up with his feet -- and not by curling his toes around them, as I might try to do, but by pinching them between his big and second toes.  This fellow had grown up in Hawaii, and up till eighth grade had never worn anything on his feet except beach sandals (the rubber kind with a thong between the toes).  So he had a good strong pinch!

 

[Fantasy Lover]

I don't know if I'm getting more sensitive with getting older, or getting older makes having certain things less tolerable due to having autism. I went twice to a fair once at night with all the noise included, once on a "silent" where the noise was less. Boy did it make a difference, when I went at night it was a sensory overload. One attraction had lots of lights flashing at once that really hurt my eyes and would couse epilepsy. But when I went the second time it was like a weight was lifted from my chest, I'm seriously considering to go on the silent day next year, it's so much better! 

[Carol the Dabbler]

That's interesting, FL -- I've never heard of a fair having a "silent" night, but it sounds like it might be helpful for a lot of people.  I enjoy a modest amount of carnival noise -- the hurdy-gurdy sound of the merry-go-round, the "ding" of the test-your-strength bell, and the soft background of multiple voices -- but too much is too much.  Similarly, I enjoy the twinkle of lights, but when the twinkle turns to all-at-once flashing, that's stressful.

I suspect I feel that way due to being an introvert (like apparently 25-40% of the population).  If you add up all the minorities who would appreciate a low-key night at a fair, the total might even be a majority -- but even if not, and in addition to being thoughtful and nice, it's surely to the organizers' and vendors' financial benefit to encourage attendance by people who would otherwise avoid the fair.

 

[Fantasy Lover]

So my best friend Endy lied to me, he's also depressed so I'm guessing that in his depressed state he sees everything as a personal attack. This will be a long story fyi.

 

Endy is a furry, a furry is like a mascotte you see in sports and amusement parks. Furries create an animal with its own colours, that’s called an fursona. Some create their own fursuits, Endy created a fursuit and commissiond another.

 

Here is where the story begins: a year ago Endy commissioned dragon legs by someone called Julliette, Endy made a comment saying it would be nice if they would be ready for a convention. Julliette interpreted this as that it SHOULD be ready for that convention and pulled a few all nighters to complete it by that time. Endy got his fursuit and went to the convention, unfortunately the quality was shabby: the stitching went loose, a dragon nail came loose and there was dog manure in the stuffing. He got a refund thankfully. 

 

A few months later he went with me and five others to another convention, me, and the five others spend the night at Endy's place. At the convention he went to take a group picture from him and the other furries. He claimed someone called kjell deliberately stomped on his foot, jesse looked at the video made before and during the group picture and said that Endy was deliberately attacking kjell because there was no evidence, Endy got a temporary ban from the furry group chat and claimed that the video was edited to make him look bad and promptly deleted his telegram account. 

 

And then jesse who was among the five people that spend the night at Endy's was pissed about the fact that he got two fines because he parked longer than was allowed. Endy was like "I'm sorry, I thought you knew you how long you were allowed to parked because you parked here before." And then Endy payed half of the fine out of guilt, then it was the end of the convention everyone who spend the night cleaned up and left.

 

Now here is where the lies begin, as I mentioned Endy told several people that kjell stomped on his foot. I saw the video and spoke to jesse about it, he told me the pictures and video made during the video was made by a professional photographer. Who is not a furry, who is not part of the community, who doesn't know who Endy or kjell are. Why would he omit the part where kjell stomped on his foot?

 

Then I overheard a phonecall between Endy and his brother and more lies were told, how jesse and two of the five people who spend the night didn't clean up and how jesse demanded he would pay half of his bil. None of this happened, I witnessed it with my own two eyes. I saw them clean up, jesse didn't demanded that Endy, Endy gave it out his free will.

 

So I started thinking, if Endy lied about jesse and kjell, did he lied also about Julliette? Turns out he did, julliette is a beginning fursuit maker and when Endy commissioned his dragon feet she felt unsure about it but Endy kept pressuring her until she gave in. And then Endy demanded the dragon feed should be made his way not her way and that everything should be finished by a convention. The loose stitching was because of something sharp cut into it not because of lousy stitching, the dog manure was also not his fault, the only thing that was his fault was the loose nail.

 

I'm disappointed in him, he never lied to me, the worst thing is that he put doubt in my mind. I'm doubting everything that comes out his mouth now.

[Carol the Dabbler]

I once had a friend like that.  She was an artist (mostly black-ink drawings), so she had a good imagination.

She told me some perfectly plausible stories about accidentally meeting a famous person now and then, for example on an airplane trip.  I just thought it was a shame that I hadn't been with her the few times that happened.

Then one day she was telling another such story to someone else, but I was in the room.  Again I was thinking what a shame that I hadn't been there too.  Then one of the details in her story caught my attention so I listened more closely and realized that I HAD been there!  But there was no famous person involved.

At that point I stopped believing just about all of her interesting stories, though I didn't say anything to her about it.  Then not too long afterward she suddenly stopped speaking to me, with no explanation given.  She's now deceased, so I guess I'll never know.

I think most people often tell the selective truth, and maybe even say something that's not true kind of by accident now and then.  But I don't understand people who out and out lie on a regular basis.  Because I clearly cannot trust them, I generally shy away from close relationships with them.

So you have my sympathy, and my best wishes for good luck in your future dealings with Endy.

 

[J.P.]

You might remember a quite long discussion about "caring" and empathy, we had a while ago.
This is an interesting read IMO. -> https://maija-haavisto.medium.com/why-healthy-people-abandon-their-chronically-ill-friends-2d7d6231949

[Carol the Dabbler]

Thanks for posting that, J.P.

I'm only partway through reading the article, but it has already suggested a possible alternative explanation for a long-ago remark that I had considered heartless and self-centered.

One of our cats was terminally ill, but medication was helping her stay active and in good spirits, although she was getting extremely thin.  We had some people over one evening, and she had a great time socializing.  But one of our guests said something -- in what sounded to me like a disapproving tone of voice -- along the lines of "If she were my cat, I couldn't bear to see her like that," which I interpreted as accusing me of being heartless by not having her put down right away.  I remember thinking, "I'm sure glad I'm not your grandmother!"

But it occurs to me now (a few decades later) that she may have meant what she said quite literally, that *she* wouldn't have been able to bear seeing one of her cats wasting away like that.  Maybe she even meant to imply that she was impressed by what she interpreted as fortitude on my part.  Now that I think of that possibility, it seems pretty clear that she could well have meant something like that -- but it never occurred to me till just now.  I feel better.  So thank you!

I *have* run into the other, negative attitude from time to time, though, including from one veterinarian, so I wasn't being paranoid, merely perhaps misinterpreting that particular friend (who I never did understand very well).

 

[besleybean]

Sorry mods, lazy posting and struggling to do so on my phone, again...

Also I sometimes feel I now only come here twice a year, to give you Speedy's updates!

Anyhow:

still there, with the memorabilia attracting Sherlock tourists.

Food as good as ever.

Chris, the owner, seemed quite chirpy and I said I hoped to see him on my next 6 monthly visit!

[Artemis]

On 4/12/2023 at 11:10 PM, Carol the Dabbler said:

But it occurs to me now (a few decades later) that she may have meant what she said quite literally, that *she* wouldn't have been able to bear seeing one of her cats wasting away like that.  Maybe she even meant to imply that she was impressed by what she interpreted as fortitude on my part.

This is a problem I often have with people.  I say things which are meant to be taken literally, exactly as they sound, but others read between the lines and hear another meaning entirely; usually one which is offensive to them.  It's very frustrating.    Makes me just not want to say things.

On 4/10/2023 at 4:28 PM, Carol the Dabbler said:

stories about accidentally meeting a famous person now and then, for example on an airplane trip.

Speaking of meeting famous people on airplanes!  I think I might have sat next to Craig Parker (the actor who played Haldir in "The Lord of the Rings") on my flight to Germany.  We happened to be reading the same book, and we struck up a long conversation about books and other things in general.  We talked for a good hour or two, it was actually a lot of fun.  Unfortunately we never exchanged names, so I've never been sure.  If it wasn't Mr. Parker, it was a man who looked and sounded exactly like him (which is also possible).  I wish I knew either way; I don't have many interesting conversations with people IRL.

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

14 hours ago, besleybean said:

I sometimes feel I now only come here twice a year, to give you Speedy's updates!

Anyhow:

still there, with the memorabilia attracting Sherlock tourists.

Food as good as ever.

Chris, the owner, seemed quite chirpy and I said I hoped to see him on my next 6 monthly visit!

Thanks, Bev -- all of that is good news!  (Would love to pop over for a Watson wrap, but there's a few thousand miles of water in the way.)

5 hours ago, Artemis said:

I say things which are meant to be taken literally, exactly as they sound, but others read between the lines and hear another meaning entirely....

I'm often misinterpreted as well, so maybe it all evens out when someone misinterprets me!  I don't think it's generally due to ambiguous wording, either, just the fact that people often say things that aren't meant to be taken literally, so what they say may be taken figuratively even when they do mean it literally.

5 hours ago, Artemis said:

Speaking of meeting famous people on airplanes!  I think I might have sat next to Craig Parker (the actor who played Haldir in "The Lord of the Rings") on my flight to Germany.  We happened to be reading the same book, and we struck up a long conversation about books and other things in general.

Sounds like you had a lovely time, regardless of who your companion happened to be!  (My flights are rarely that memorable.)  If he had an official fan site, you could try asking if he's ever read that book.  If he said no then you could be pretty sure it was a lookalike, and if he said yes you could follow up if you liked.  But looks like all he has is one or more unofficial sites -- though IMDb Pro claims to have contact info, maybe his agent's address.

I guess that's one dubious advantage of my not readily recognizing people that I don't know well -- I could happily chat with some celebrity, even one whose work I had seen, and it would probably never occur to me who they might be.  (Unless, of course it was a readily identifiable person whose work I was fairly familiar with.  I did recognize Alfred Hitchcock once, just from seeing him cross the street -- in profile, of course.)

 

[Artemis]

22 minutes ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

I could happily chat with some celebrity, even one whose work I had seen, and it would probably never occur to me who they might be.

Same here, under normal circumstances.  This trip was shortly after the second LotR movie came out on DVD, and being the Tolkien fan I am, I had watched those movies about a dozen times in recent months, so I was pretty familiar with every face in them, lol.  (Although, Haldir's limited screen time (and makeup team) gives me reason to doubt.  Had I been sitting next to almost anyone else from the film, I would have known without question.)

And actually, all that being said, it didn't occur to me until after we got off the plane who he (probably?) was and why he seemed so familiar.

But yes, famous or no, it was nice talking to him. 

 

[Fantasy Lover]

So normally I'm the person who apologises directly, but it happened twice now that I apologised for something that happened more than a few years ago.

In 2015 I had a depression and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, a few months later my dad was also admitted but in a different ward. And his sister, my aunt, expected from me that I visited him, while I was recovering myself! We even had a row about it:

How I was selfish, how didn't care about him only his inheritance, that I abandoned him Etc. I tried to tell her that it was too difficult for me, but it didn't help. She said that I just needed to endure it, it ended in me threatening to go to cops and file a complaint for stalking, we haven't spoken since.

I'm feeling much better now and occasionally visit my dad a few times a year with my mother, a few days ago me and my mom came upon the house of a great aunt on my dad's side of the family by coincidence and saw the windows were shattered. So I phoned my cousin whom I have a better relationship with than my aunt if he knew if she passed away, he didn't know and said that his mom knew it. I waited with excitement for how would go, I hadn't spoken with her since 2015. It went well and that Thursday I finally apologised for it.

[Fantasy Lover]

The second time it happened went like this: in 2016 my friend Endy whom I mentioned before, there was charity hosted by a furry for furries to collect money for people with ALS.

So we went together, halfway through he wanted to go back because he was overheating in his suit. Tia volunteerd to go with him, I stayed with the furries.

He was pissed, he said that I abandoned him while I promised to be his handler. Which meant that I carried his stuff, and that I valued people I never met more instead of him and I know him since I was 8.

Then we had a huge row late 2019 with caused us not to speak to each other for six months. In April 2020 I send a message to his brother Tom to wish the brother happy birthday, and I asked If he was well and that I missed him. Tom told Endy and we reconciled and I apologised for the row and neglecting him back in 2016. 

[Carol the Dabbler]

13 hours ago, Fantasy Lover said:

... my friend Endy whom I mentioned before, there was charity hosted by a furry for furries to collect money for people with ALS.

So we went together, halfway through he wanted to go back because he was overheating in his suit. Tia volunteerd to go with him, I stayed with the furries.

He was pissed, he said that I abandoned him while I promised to be his handler. Which meant that I carried his stuff, and that I valued people I never met more instead of him....

I can see why you wouldn't think you were doing anything wrong, since he had a companion anyhow.  On the other hand, it's understandable that he was expecting to spend the day with you, and felt abandoned.  So even though I don't think you were intentionally inconsiderate, apologizing to him was the right thing to do, for the sake of your friendship.

 

[Fantasy Lover]

Did anyone watched the coronation? I did.

[besleybean]

No, I attended a Republican rally against the monarchy.

That's not U.S Republican!

[Fantasy Lover]

It's a pity they arrested the leader of the republicans, I thought the uk was a democracy, apparently not.