Introverts, how is your day?

[Van Buren Supernova]

On 1/8/2020 at 11:14 AM, Arcadia said:

Or maybe "mask" is the wrong word, but I've learned how to act more … well, "extroverted" when the situation calls for it. I always feel like I'm faking it, though, even if other people can't detect that.

I think that on one of the articles that I read before, this is common occurrence in introverts. I did it as well, more so when I was younger or in professional situation, but especially when I was younger. I had this stigma that there is something wrong with me that I needed the extra effort to 'fix' it. Now.. nah.. 

On another note, do you guys do 'retracting'?

Because of our apparently, very similar views and love for dog, I have bonded with my sister-in-law much more these two years. We messaged each other often, about dogs, although slowly it gets into other territory that makes us know each other more. But there are times when I ignored her messages for days, as I do with my friend's, when I don't feel like 'talking', eventhough I had nothing to do I just want a break. I think she/they understands that, when I'm "ready" couple of days later, I'll be in full swing. Do you guys do that? 

[Carol the Dabbler]

I'm not sure. I don't always answer emails right away, if I'm not in the mood -- whatever that may mean.  Sometimes it takes me weeks or even months to get around to it.

[Arcadia]

I do. That's why I use email so much to begin with … I feel it's understood that I will reply in my own time. If it's urgent, use the phone.

Of course, now that virtually everyone I know has a smart phone, I've noticed many people now expect more "instant" responses. Tough.  

[Artemis]

I must have less understanding people around me than you lot, because when I do that it’s taken as a great offense, and then I have a “communication problem”.

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

What communications medium are you referring to, Artemis?  I think VBS was talking about text messaging, then Arcadia and I were discussing our email habits.  To me, those are two very different media, with texts being more immediate, almost like a phone call, and email less so, like a letter.

[Artemis]

16 hours ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

What communications medium are you referring to, Artemis?

All of them.  Expectations on me to respond quickly are the same no matter which one I’m using.

 

[Arcadia]

I would say the people expecting you to respond are the rude ones, then. Unless it's a genuine emergency or work related, your time is your own.

[Artemis]

If only they would see it that way.  *Sigh*.

 

[Van Buren Supernova]

On 1/13/2020 at 5:34 AM, Artemis said:

I must have less understanding people around me than you lot, because when I do that it’s taken as a great offense, and then I have a “communication problem”.

Well for mine, their 'understanding' comes with accusations and colorful remarks, communication problem is definitely one, then arrogant, that I don't care and don't share, and the variation so what makes you decided to come out from your shell, and my favorite, are you still alive???  I take those as"'endearment annoyance". That is for those who decide to remain my friends begrudgingly. 

For those who are not, they mostly talked behind my back, some with stupid accusations. I guess they helped me with finding the obvious reason that I don't need to waste time on them, self filtering. 

And of course, I have lost some friends because I'm not extrovert enough to join whatever they planned, and they slowly drifting away. I don't mind going on outing with people I like, but not when they always bring strangers, families, kids. Or lecture me for not having the same beliefs. Or put me in the phone with their kids. Don't get me wrong, I could actually entertain or play with kids, when we understand each other enough. But asking me to speak through phone when I barely know how many and what gender they are, especially the ones who can't really speak yet or forced to do so, NOPE.  Don't ever do that. Then they are annoyed that I started to reject outings or not picking up calls.

[Arcadia]

On 1/14/2020 at 6:08 PM, Artemis said:

If only they would see it that way.  *Sigh*.

 

You are welcome to quote my comment to them.  

[Artemis]

It was kind of a weird weekend at work.  One of my co-workers, who just finished her licensing last month after 3 years of schooling, decided she didn't like the job anymore and quit.  She's planning to buy a van and travel the country with her boyfriend.  So that was sudden.

On Friday there was a snowstorm, so Michael (my boss) let everyone go home early to get ahead of it.  I still had to go in that evening, and when I got there, I noticed a small drinking glass sitting by the fireplace.  I only took a quick glance before continuing with my work, and saw it had something blue and red inside, which I assumed was a small sponge or some other item soaking in it.  A few hours later I decide to move it to the coffee room, and when I pick it up, to my surprise, the blue and red thing is a betta fish.  Poor lil' guy had been in that tiny glass in the cold building all day.  I texted and called all of my co-workers trying to find out what the deal with this fish was, but no one would answer me.  I was feeling bad for him, so I hopped across the street to the convenience store and picked up a bottle of spring water, cleaned out a large vase I found in the company garage, and transferred him to a bigger space.  I could tell he was hungry, 'cause he kept booping to the surface with his mouth open, so the next day I bought him some betta food.

So all weekend I got to have a little fish friend.  He would watch me work and swish his tail around when I talked to him.  I was thinking of bringing him home, but eventually Michael came in and said the fish was his.  He'd bought it for his son's birthday, but forgot about it in the car, where it almost froze to death.  He put it in the glass by the fireplace hoping that would save it (which worked I guess, but poor fish).  Then he forgot about it again when he left on Friday.  I sure hope the fish made it safely home with him...

I miss my fish friend at work, I'm a little sad now without him.

 

[Arcadia]

Good heavens. I hope the son is a better caretaker than the father. You deserve a raise.  

[Artemis]

9 hours ago, Arcadia said:

Good heavens. I hope the son is a better caretaker than the father. You deserve a raise.  

His son is only 4, so I doubt he’ll be taking care of it at all.  Fish are bad pets for small children.  I’m trying not to worry, but I hope they don’t kill it.    Betta fish are smart and aware and can live pretty long lives (for fish) if you care for them right.

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

In most households, there's one person who keeps things functioning.  In this case it's clearly not Michael and presumably not the four-year-old -- so presumably it's the kid's mother, and there's hope for the fish.    Keeping my fingers crossed.

[T.o.b.y]

21 hours ago, Artemis said:

It was kind of a weird weekend at work.  One of my co-workers, who just finished her licensing last month after 3 years of schooling, decided she didn't like the job anymore and quit.  She's planning to buy a van and travel the country with her boyfriend.  So that was sudden.

On Friday there was a snowstorm, so Michael (my boss) let everyone go home early to get ahead of it.  I still had to go in that evening, and when I got there, I noticed a small drinking glass sitting by the fireplace.  I only took a quick glance before continuing with my work, and saw it had something blue and red inside, which I assumed was a small sponge or some other item soaking in it.  A few hours later I decide to move it to the coffee room, and when I pick it up, to my surprise, the blue and red thing is a betta fish.  Poor lil' guy had been in that tiny glass in the cold building all day.  I texted and called all of my co-workers trying to find out what the deal with this fish was, but no one would answer me.  I was feeling bad for him, so I hopped across the street to the convenience store and picked up a bottle of spring water, cleaned out a large vase I found in the company garage, and transferred him to a bigger space.  I could tell he was hungry, 'cause he kept booping to the surface with his mouth open, so the next day I bought him some betta food.

So all weekend I got to have a little fish friend.  He would watch me work and swish his tail around when I talked to him.  I was thinking of bringing him home, but eventually Michael came in and said the fish was his.  He'd bought it for his son's birthday, but forgot about it in the car, where it almost froze to death.  He put it in the glass by the fireplace hoping that would save it (which worked I guess, but poor fish).  Then he forgot about it again when he left on Friday.  I sure hope the fish made it safely home with him...

I miss my fish friend at work, I'm a little sad now without him.

 

This make me mad. How thoughtless can you be. Yeah, I know, it's "only" a fish but it's still a living creature, for heaven's sake.

Good for you, taking care of it. Poor little guy. I hope the aquarium at home has an automatic food dispenser so it won't depend on a four-year-old remembering to feed it.

 

Yesterday, one of the cleaners at the place where I work complained that I "never say hello and goodbye" to her. She asked if I didn't like her.

Excuse me? We see each other for two seconds per week when she comes to work and I leave. How am I supposed to have any kind of feelings toward her, good or bad? And I always say goodbye before I go, I just don't address every individual in the room. Usually, I am in a huge hurry because I worked overtime and am late picking my son up from daycare, so I run out the door yelling "bye, see you tomorrow!"

Nobody else minds. What does she expect, a personal handshake and five minutes of smalltalk?

I wonder what my boss would say if I started doing that with him. I think he would fire me. The man is even more anti-social than I am.

[Artemis]

4 hours ago, T.o.b.y said:

This make me mad. How thoughtless can you be. Yeah, I know, it's "only" a fish but it's still a living creature, for heaven's sake.

Me too.    And fish are a lot smarter than most people think.  They don't belong in tiny bowls with no stimulation; I hate seeing that.

4 hours ago, T.o.b.y said:

Yesterday, one of the cleaners at the place where I work complained that I "never say hello and goodbye" to her. She asked if I didn't like her.

Excuse me? We see each other for two seconds per week when she comes to work and I leave. How am I supposed to have any kind of feelings toward her, good or bad? And I always say goodbye before I go, I just don't address every individual in the room. Usually, I am in a huge hurry because I worked overtime and am late picking my son up from daycare, so I run out the door yelling "bye, see you tomorrow!"

Nobody else minds. What does she expect, a personal handshake and five minutes of smalltalk?

Blah... stuff like this makes me hate working with other people.  In my experience, unsociable is just about the worst thing to be perceived as in a work environment.  And it's easy to be labeled "unsociable", all you have to do is be a little too quiet, unopinionated, or focused on your work.  I'm not outgoing, it's just my nature, but people are self-centered and make it all about them and what they assume I must be thinking of them.  If I don't make sure to smile, say hello and goodnight, and engage in several minutes of custom-tailored smalltalk with every co-worker who comes in, it leads to problems -- always.  It's gotten as bad as workplace bullying and co-workers ganging up to get me fired or make me miserable enough to quit (which I’ve never done, but it hasn’t stopped them from trying).  I have to seem excited to see them, but not too excited.  It's exhausting, and I'm terrible at pretense.  But I put on my best work-face and pray they don't notice that I actually couldn't care less about their cruise trip, babies, or latest fad diet, at all.

 

[Arcadia]

That was one good thing about working in a library … lots of small talk was not encouraged or expected, unless it was in the break room, where you didn't have to go if you didn't want to. The rest of the library proper, you were supposed to be quiet. Besides, I think most of us were introverts. If it wasn't for one bad boss, I think I might still be working there.

[Artemis]

9 hours ago, Arcadia said:

That was one good thing about working in a library … lots of small talk was not encouraged or expected, unless it was in the break room, where you didn't have to go if you didn't want to. The rest of the library proper, you were supposed to be quiet. Besides, I think most of us were introverts. If it wasn't for one bad boss, I think I might still be working there.

The opposite was true when I worked in a library.  Weird!  

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

I never had much of a problem along those lines, and now I'm wondering whether that's because I don't mind a certain amount of chit-chat (as long as it doesn't interrupt my train of thought) or whether it's because I generally worked mostly with males.  Not that men don't chit-chat (though I don't think they call it that), but they didn't seem to care whether I participated or not (I would if the subject interested me, but it often did not).

In any case, I'm retired now, so it's no longer a problem (well, not unless Alex wants to tell me about the latest football news).

[Artemis]

On 1/23/2020 at 10:49 PM, Carol the Dabbler said:

I never had much of a problem along those lines, and now I'm wondering whether that's because I don't mind a certain amount of chit-chat (as long as it doesn't interrupt my train of thought) or whether it's because I generally worked mostly with males.  Not that men don't chit-chat (though I don't think they call it that), but they didn't seem to care whether I participated or not (I would if the subject interested me, but it often did not).

Concerning the latter, I find it depends partially on the type of work I'm doing and, by extension, the type of men I'm working with.  When I work in IT environments, for instance, the men tend to be less chatty, or like you say, don't care if I participate in their chats.  But at my current workplace, which is more sales-oriented, I'm surrounded by salesmen and extroverts, so there's more of an expectation that I'll be gregarious and engaged in their conversations.

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

1 hour ago, Artemis said:

When I work in IT environments, for instance, the men tend to be less chatty, or like you say, don't care if I participate in their chats.

I was a software engineer, so your experience is consistent with mine.

1 hour ago, Artemis said:

But at my current workplace, which is more salesy, I'm surrounded by salesmen and extroverts, so there's more of an expectation that I'll be gregarious an engaged in their conversations.

Oh dear, yes!  At one place where I worked, things in the software area tended to be pretty quiet -- unless the sales guy decided to drop in.  He would sit there and engage the male programmers in (loud) conversation and tell (tasteless) jokes, making it very difficult for me to get any work done.  I often wondered whether potential customers were as repelled by him as I was.  Depended on their own taste in conversation and humor, I guess.

[Van Buren Supernova]

Same here. Most of my colleagues are male who are less chatty, and even females in my line tend to be quieter except when we were discussing about works. Then there was this purchasing guy who came and thought we all need something to brighten our days. He stood behind me watching me doing my works and asking me questions, while I need all the peace and quiet in order to function. So I chased him away, nicely. Didn't work until I actually had to chase him away in effort that is equivalent to throwing a brick to a dog to prevent it from following you. He thought he was cute and repeated it again the day after.

About the fish, I think you should have brought it home on the first place, but of course you wouldn't know the history of how it ended up there. I can't understand people who use animals as gifts, especially to kids.

[Van Buren Supernova]

I was thinking that quarantine should be relatively easier to handle by introverts, since we do that voluntarily on almost daily basis, but I realize something sometimes ago, the quarantine must be hell-ish for introverts too, as many are possibly stuck with other people who can't leave. 

[Arcadia]

I hadn't thought of it that way, but ... yeah, that could be a problem!  

[Artemis]

8 hours ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

I was thinking that quarantine should be relatively easier to handle by introverts, since we do that voluntarily on almost daily basis, but I realize something sometimes ago, the quarantine must be hell-ish for introverts too, as many are possibly stuck with other people who can't leave. 

I've been seeing tons of memes about that lately, lol.  At first everything was, "Quarantine, an introvert's dream come true!"  Now it's all, "Please let this end so I can get away from these numbskulls in my house."