Introverts, how is your day?

[Carol the Dabbler]

1 hour ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

To their defense though, I'm an alien but I look like them.

That makes it more understandable, yes.  The only times I recall apparently being taken for a local while in another country was once in Canada and twice in Germany (though in the latter cases I hadn't yet said anything).  In other words, places where I look like them.

1 hour ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

... many of them don't feel there is something off with what they are doing, this is all guys group, I still remember because it was so weird, one of them asked me whether I didn't want to have conversation with him because he was wearing a ring.

Sounds like guys are the same all over the world!  Seems like they often don't pick up on the social niceties.  But let me be sure I understand -- they were intellectually aware that you didn't speak their language, but they went ahead and conversed in it anyhow -- and then assumed that your lack of participation was due to your lack of romantic interest?    

1 hour ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

I'm an alien

I am restraining myself....     

 

[T.o.b.y]

9 hours ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

Argh I suspect I would like children more if parents are well behaved.

 

😅 I wonder whether you would think of me as a well behaved parent if we met in person... I mean, I try, but I dote on my kid like (almost) all moms do and it shows. 

I do not however let him take other kids' toys without permission or hit people. 

The other day, I was punched, and yes, I do mean punched, by a preschooler because I asked them to give us back a plastic truck that they had grabbed and run off with. 

Some playgrounds are like war zones. Jeez, I dread the day my boy starts school. People keep telling me that I need to let him fight his own battles or he'll be toast before the end of first grade but I think it's a bit much to ask of a three-year-old to stand up to groups of strangers twice his size. 

I always laugh sadly when Mycroft and Sherlock talk about meeting "other children". Yes, ghastly. What were they thinking. 

[Carol the Dabbler]

3 hours ago, T.o.b.y said:

I wonder whether you would think of me as a well behaved parent if we met in person... I mean, I try, but I dote on my kid like (almost) all moms do and it shows.

It's a whole lot easier to be a theoretician on the sidelines than to be in the trenches yourself.

I remember reading some critical reviews of nursing homes, and thinking how uncaring and negligent those employees must be.  But that was before I was responsible for a dementia patient myself.  And I had only the one person to care for, not a whole roomful!

 

[Van Buren Supernova]

13 hours ago, T.o.b.y said:

😅 I wonder whether you would think of me as a well behaved parent if we met in person... I mean, I try, but I dote on my kid like (almost) all moms do and it shows. 

I don't ask much. To me, well behaved parent means they are 'trying' to watch their kid's behaviour in public places. I understand (I did babysit some nephew and niece too) it's difficult some/most time, but as long as I see parents trying, regardless how messy and hopeless their effort to control the kids, they are trying, instead of those who just continue to play with their phones while their kids climb on furniture, destroy stuffs, abuse dogs, or scream bloody murder. Those, are my most effective contraception. 

 

21 hours ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

I am restraining myself....     

Ehmmm... I don't really understand that.

You see, my knowledge of Star Trek is limited to these; I caught a glimpse of the TV series here and there but never actually watch for more than five minutes. I know there is a character named Data but I don't know what is his deal. I know there is a guy with messed-up forehead who desperately needs face cream. I know red-shirt references as it is one of common TV/movie tropes. 

I do know your emoji is Spock, played by Leonard Nimoy and Zachary Quinto, because he is referenced in couple of other shows, including Sherlock. I'm aware he is somewhat similar with Sherlock and probably related etc. What I know is he is mean to my Khan, which is unacceptable . I watched Star Trek Into The Darkness, at least most of it, and again, they are all so mean to Khan, come on, all he ever wanted was to walk all over their cold corpses, is it too much to ask?? I'd be pissed if some strangers wake me up too.

So I suppose Spock comes from somewhere else, unlike the other character, therefore an alien. Is that it? Or maybe you are referring to something else, so please, do not restrain yourself.

[Van Buren Supernova]

22 hours ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

But let me be sure I understand -- they were intellectually aware that you didn't speak their language, but they went ahead and conversed in it anyhow

Yes, with benefit of the doubt that they 'forget'.

But I'm also being told that I shouldn't reply in their language. So, sometimes someone stops me on the street and asks about something, for example, direction, in their language. I know enough to answer, "I don't know. I don't understand (language)" in their language, which my SO points that is a significant mistake because since I'm able to speak, even just to let them know I don't speak their language, they would continue, and they really do, insisting on asking me more question. The easy solution for strangers on the street is merely saying I don't know/understand in whatever language that I really know, not the one they are asking.

In office case, since they understand both their language and English, it's easy for them not to realize that, eventhough I only answer when the question is directed to me in something I happen to understand, mostly I let them know I don't understand (language), and I always answer in English. 

So yes, they went ahead and conversed, yes, I think it's rude, but yes, mostly because they always forget because they are not used to ehh.. alien...Spock?

More explanation, during my time, the place was not very diversified, or at least, in the nature of work I was at. It's either everyone was local, or they looked very different.

 

22 hours ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

and then assumed that your lack of participation was due to your lack of romantic interest?    

For that weirdo, yes. He was incapable of understanding that there are other options for man and woman relationship. I still cringe remembering it.

[Carol the Dabbler]

1 hour ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

So I suppose Spock comes from somewhere else, unlike the other character, therefore an alien. Is that it?

Yes, Spock is from the planet Vulcan.  (Worf, the guy with the odd forehead, is a Klingon, so he's also an alien, but Data is an android.)

In fact, when people (at least here in the US) say "alien" in everyday conversation, they usually mean "space alien," someone from another planet.  The term also refers to someone from another country, of course, but it's mostly used that way by the government or in the news, more official stuff.

So when you said you were an alien, I attempted to make a joke.  Sorry, didn't mean to bewilder you!  It's just that, well, I've never met you, so for all I know you really are an "alien" (but the hat covers your pointed ears and antennas).

1 hour ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

I'm also being told that I shouldn't reply in their language. So, sometimes someone stops me on the street and asks about something, for example, direction, in their language. I know enough to answer, "I don't know. I don't understand (language)" in their language, which my SO points that is a significant mistake because since I'm able to speak, even just to let them know I don't speak their language, they would continue, and they really do, insisting on asking me more question. The easy solution for strangers on the street is merely saying I don't know/understand in whatever language that I really know, not the one they are asking.

That's always been my theory, simply because saying (for example) "I don't speak German" in German is contradictory.  If I recognize the language, I'll say "Sorry, I don't speak [whatever language]" in English.  But it never occurred to me that saying it in the other language might encourage them to keep trying.  Based on my experience, your SO is quite correct -- saying it in English (or whatever) really does put an end to the conversation.  Generally.

Well, there was one time in a Paris train station, this guy came over to me and tried to start a conversation in French, so I said, "Sorry, I don't speak French."  But then he started talking to me in German -- so I said "Sorry, I don't speak German."  And so forth, until finally he started speaking Spanish, which I do speak well enough to carry on a rudimentary conversation.  The guy seemed nice enough, but I wasn't really in the mood to chat.  Nevertheless I couldn't very well say that I don't speak Spanish (because I was too tired to lie).  So we chatted for a while, and then he asked if I'd like to go get something to eat, and I said that I was tired so I'd rather just stay where I was.  And that was the end of that, thank goodness.

1 hour ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

the place was not very diversified, or at least, in the nature of work I was at. It's either everyone was local, or they looked very different.

Except that you looked like them, so they couldn't seem to remember that you didn't speak their language.  I can understand people making that assumption with strangers, but with co-workers it seems weird.

That reminds me of a blog by a white American who lives in Japan.  He said that a lot of times if he approaches a stranger to ask directions, they'll respond by saying "Sorry, I don't speak English" -- even though he had addressed them in Japanese, which he speaks very fluently.  They're "listening" to his face, rather than to what he says.

Along the same lines, a friend of mine, a white American who also speaks fluent Japanese, was assigned to go to the airport (here in the US) to pick up a visiting Japanese dignitary.  She saw him come into the terminal, but she was behind a rope and could not approach him, so she called to him in Japanese.  He looked around, having apparently heard her, but did not otherwise respond.  So she tried again, but with the same result.  Finally, he must have happened to look at her while she was speaking, and realized who had been calling to him.  He came over and apologized, saying that he'd been looking for that Japanese lady!

So I guess it's kind of a universal tendency.

 

[T.o.b.y]

2 hours ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

I don't ask much. To me, well behaved parent means they are 'trying' to watch their kid's behaviour in public places. I understand (I did babysit some nephew and niece too) it's difficult some/most time, but as long as I see parents trying, regardless how messy and hopeless their effort to control the kids, they are trying, instead of those who just continue to play with their phones while their kids climb on furniture, destroy stuffs, abuse dogs, or scream bloody murder. Those, are my most effective contraception. 

😄 I think I can do that... 

My nightmare scenario is being stuck in a long check-out line at the supermarket and the kid starts to have a tantrum. There's nowhere to go, I don't even have my hands free, we need the groceries so I can't just scoop him up and run out of the store, everybody stares at us, there's always at least one person trying to give me advice or making "funny" comments and the stress makes me sweat incredibly. 

"Trying" in this case is unfortunately limited to mouthing "I am so sorry" at the people around us... But otherwise, yeah, you're perfectly right. It frustrates me too when I see other children getting away with murder because how effective can my efforts to teach my kid to be a halfway civilized human being be if all around him, he sees his peers exhibiting the very behavior that I have just told him is wrong? 

[Van Buren Supernova]

On 7/18/2020 at 1:55 PM, Carol the Dabbler said:

In fact, when people (at least here in the US) say "alien" in everyday conversation, they usually mean "space alien," someone from another planet.  The term also refers to someone from another country, of course, but it's mostly used that way by the government or in the news, more official stuff.

So when you said you were an alien, I attempted to make a joke. 

I get that, actually I felt weird using that term as well, I wanted to use foreigner, but it doesn't feel right too.

So I stick to Sting's, I am legal alien. 

On 7/18/2020 at 1:55 PM, Carol the Dabbler said:

It's just that, well, I've never met you, so for all I know you really are an "alien" (but the hat covers your pointed ears and antennas).

Yes, hat covers those, it's the tail that is tricky. I'm not even sure it's that useful except that it helps me balance in subway.

On 7/18/2020 at 2:47 PM, T.o.b.y said:

My nightmare scenario is being stuck in a long check-out line at the supermarket and the kid starts to have a tantrum. There's nowhere to go, I don't even have my hands free, we need the groceries so I can't just scoop him up and run out of the store, everybody stares at us, there's always at least one person trying to give me advice or making "funny" comments and the stress makes me sweat incredibly. 

My brother used to do that, according to mum. We were very very poor back then, all he wanted was a piece of candy that she couldn't afford.

I don't think I can speak for everyone, but believe me, it's obvious when parents are trying (even when they fail) and not. I'm that awkward person, but in your case, I'd probably try to help with your grocery (well I can't help you with your kids).

For indifferent parents, maybe they are tired or get used to it, but seriously, public place is not a kid's playground, especially when they purposely knock things off or destroy stuff, I have seen many, store's neatly arranged display, play and break merchandize they don't purchase and parents put it back. Actually, even with these cases I hardly offered advice to parents, perhaps none. I would mostly glare and walk away, or I would talk to the kids directly, like simple 'don't - do that', which parents of course find it very offensive. There are two cases I remember losing my mind though, and both involves unacceptable behaviour. 

One, I was walking my dog and came across a street dog who I know always stay in front of this house. The gate was opened, and I saw this dog wagging its tail but ran a few meters. Two kids came out, one was holding something in her hand, I thought she wanted to give the dog food, but no, she pelted it with something. The dog assumed submissive position, to which the younger boy lifted his leg high and about to stomp on the dog's belly. At that point, I shouted, it was probably so loud that they jumped. I yelled at them and told them not to do that, I was very angry and it showed, the kids were looking at me, at least they stopped what they were frigging doing. At that point the mom came out, either oblivious to what happened or she didn't hear me, she didn't even look at me and they left. For that dog, I tried to call animal welfare organization, but they never picked her up, I didn't stay at home that time, only came back once in a while to get something, saw her a couple of times, and never see her again. Hopefully she just moved.

Another time, again, kids and dog. I saw a dog being chased by two kids holding long stick. I was driving that time. The other dogs were barking and got in front of my car I couldn't drive fast,  they seemed distress with their friend's well-being. I saw the chase until they disappeared in a bend. Anyway, I gave it a chase after the street cleared but couldn't find them, made another turn and finally found them in a dead-end alley. But everything seems fine, the kids were there, no dog, maybe they were just playing but still I rolled down my window and asked why they did they chase the dog? I can't speak with nice voice so it came out angry and thunderous. The kid denied doing so, so I just let it go but I threatened, yes, a grown up threatens kids in alley, that they are not to harm any dog. 

The awareness of not harming animals is still very low here, some parents don't bat their eyes and think it's harmless, kids just playing. That makes me always assume the worst and get extremely mad.

[T.o.b.y]

10 hours ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

I get that, actually I felt weird using that term as well, I wanted to use foreigner, but it doesn't feel right too.

So I stick to Sting's, I am legal alien. 

Yes, hat covers those, it's the tail that is tricky. I'm not even sure it's that useful except that it helps me balance in subway.

My brother used to do that, according to mum. We were very very poor back then, all he wanted was a piece of candy that she couldn't afford.

I don't think I can speak for everyone, but believe me, it's obvious when parents are trying (even when they fail) and not. I'm that awkward person, but in your case, I'd probably try to help with your grocery (well I can't help you with your kids).

For indifferent parents, maybe they are tired or get used to it, but seriously, public place is not a kid's playground, especially when they purposely knock things off or destroy stuff, I have seen many, store's neatly arranged display, play and break merchandize they don't purchase and parents put it back. Actually, even with these cases I hardly offered advice to parents, perhaps none. I would mostly glare and walk away, or I would talk to the kids directly, like simple 'don't - do that', which parents of course find it very offensive. There are two cases I remember losing my mind though, and both involves unacceptable behaviour. 

One, I was walking my dog and came across a street dog who I know always stay in front of this house. The gate was opened, and I saw this dog wagging its tail but ran a few meters. Two kids came out, one was holding something in her hand, I thought she wanted to give the dog food, but no, she pelted it with something. The dog assumed submissive position, to which the younger boy lifted his leg high and about to stomp on the dog's belly. At that point, I shouted, it was probably so loud that they jumped. I yelled at them and told them not to do that, I was very angry and it showed, the kids were looking at me, at least they stopped what they were frigging doing. At that point the mom came out, either oblivious to what happened or she didn't hear me, she didn't even look at me and they left. For that dog, I tried to call animal welfare organization, but they never picked her up, I didn't stay at home that time, only came back once in a while to get something, saw her a couple of times, and never see her again. Hopefully she just moved.

Another time, again, kids and dog. I saw a dog being chased by two kids holding long stick. I was driving that time. The other dogs were barking and got in front of my car I couldn't drive fast,  they seemed distress with their friend's well-being. I saw the chase until they disappeared in a bend. Anyway, I gave it a chase after the street cleared but couldn't find them, made another turn and finally found them in a dead-end alley. But everything seems fine, the kids were there, no dog, maybe they were just playing but still I rolled down my window and asked why they did they chase the dog? I can't speak with nice voice so it came out angry and thunderous. The kid denied doing so, so I just let it go but I threatened, yes, a grown up threatens kids in alley, that they are not to harm any dog. 

The awareness of not harming animals is still very low here, some parents don't bat their eyes and think it's harmless, kids just playing. That makes me always assume the worst and get extremely mad.

I sympathize completely. 

Cruelty to animals makes me incredibly angry too. I remember back when I was in school, some of the boys used to catch spiders during recess and then torture them - set them on fire, pull their legs off, all sorts of absolutely atrocious stuff. And I would get so insanely upset, yell at them, try to take their lighters away, etc. Of course I wasn't very successful. 

What bothered me the most was their baffled stares. They really honestly couldn't understand why I cared. "But you hate spiders!" 

Yeah, no kidding, I have arachnophobia. But that doesn't mean I want spiders to suffer, I just can't stand being close to them. Jeez. 

I know that really little kids have no empathy yet and that they sometimes harm animals out of curiosity and that's not really their fault yet. But even toddlers can understand rules and you can believe me that I make 100% sure my kid is not around animals unsupervised until he is old enough to be trusted with them. 

So far, no trouble though. We sadly can't have pets of our own atm but I have introduced him to cats and dogs in other households and that went quite well. The worst he did was give his babysitter's kitty too many treats. She told me that the cat had gained a lot of weight during the months that daycare was Corona-closed and my son stayed at her house every day... 😅 

(Said cat is pissed with me Btw because every time I come by, he expects food now and I never give him any...) 

Sorry that was a rambly rant and off topic. My day as an introvert was good today, I got to work by myself and drive around to people who can't leave their homes, I love that. 

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

21 hours ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

The awareness of not harming animals is still very low here, some parents don't bat their eyes and think it's harmless, kids just playing.

Which explains where the kids get that idea.

 

[Fantasy Lover]

That makes me think of all those moments when a boy pulls a girl's pigtails and the mom is like "Aww, he likes you." If that kid ends up in a abusive relationship, it's because of BS like this. Also is it me, or do parents these days don't have a spine? On 4 separate occasions I've witnessed a child, all of them boys, displaying acts of physical aggression. Not once did their relatives scold them.

 

I think I can do that... 

My nightmare scenario is being stuck in a long check-out line at the supermarket and the kid starts to have a tantrum. There's nowhere to go, I don't even have my hands free, we need the groceries so I can't just scoop him up and run out of the store, everybody stares at us, there's always at least one person trying to give me advice or making "funny" comments and the stress makes me sweat incredibly. "Trying" in this case is unfortunately limited to mouthing "I am so sorry" at the people around us... But otherwise, yeah, you're perfectly right. It frustrates me too when I see other children getting away with murder because how effective can my efforts to teach my kid to be a halfway civilized human being be if all around him, he sees his peers exhibiting the very behavior that I have just told him is wrong? 

Try sitting in a bus with a crying toddler for almost an hour with their mother refusing to comfort the child, fun times.

[Carol the Dabbler]

30 minutes ago, Fantasy Lover said:

That makes me think of all those moments when a boy pulls a girl's pigtails and the mom is like "Aww, he likes you." If that kid ends up in a abusive relationship, it's because of BS like this. Also is it me, or do parents these days don't have a spine? On 4 separate occasions I've witnessed a child, all of them boys, displaying acts of physical aggression. Not once did their relatives scold them.

Are we still in the Permissive Era?  I thought that ended a few eons ago.  Thank goodness my parents weren't like that.  I was generally on the receiving end, of course, but it's just as important for the girl's parents to let her know that being treated like that is not OK.

When I told Mom that a boy had been pinching me every day on the playground (pretty hard, too), she did NOT say "Aww, he likes you," she said "He just wants to see you cry, so don't cry."  So the next time he did it, I toughed it out and didn't cry.  Got a bruise, but he never did it again.  (As to why didn't I tell the teacher, it would've been just my word against his.)

41 minutes ago, Fantasy Lover said:

Try sitting in a bus with a crying toddler for almost an hour with their mother refusing to comfort the child

I'm hesitant to criticize parents without knowing the whole story.  There was a time when parents were advised (by "experts") not to give a crying child any attention because it would only teach them to cry whenever they want attention.  It's possible that the mother you encountered was raised that way, because her mother was raised that way, etc., and so now she thinks that's what she's supposed to do, in order to avoid "spoiling" the kid.  Or it's possible that she's learned from experience that the kid only acts up worse if she pays any attention.  Or not.  But in any case, I can certainly sympathize with you!!!

 

[Artemis]

Rough week, but hard to explain why.

Employer reinstated me, but at a fraction of the hours I was working before.  Some days I only go in for an hour and a half; it's hardly even worth waking up for.  I need another job but there's not much out there right now; everyone's afraid to hire, just trying to hang on to their business.  I'm flat broke.

Since my dog's hospital visit, it's been hard for him to bend down far enough to drink from his water dish.  So I've been questing for a small platform that will raise the dish high enough for him to reach without squeezing his throat and cutting off his air.  But he's a little dog, so it can't be so high that his neck bumps the dish when he drinks.  It has to be just the right height, and evidently it is no easy task to find an object of the size I need.  I had a shoebox lid that was doing the trick, but it's weak and collapsing.  Since May I've been searching stores and the house, and sifting through trash bins; and on Sunday I finally found a sturdy, perfectly-sized box for the job.  I was so happy about finding it.  I put it under his dish, and on that very day, for no apparent reason, the water dish decided it was going to crack.  A tiny crack, on the bottom, just small enough to slowly leak water onto the box underneath where it's hidden from view.  After a few hours, the box was soaked through and no longer usable.

Depression hit me pretty hard in that moment, and I haven't really come out of it yet.  Somehow it just felt like a metaphor for my life: A lot of effort with no reward; the worst timing possible, always; nothing ever works out.  Sometimes the little things push you over the edge.

Saturday was a beautiful day.  Cool, dry weather, and a pleasant breeze.  A hint of autumn.  On the way home after work I saw seagulls gathered in the parking lot of the local McDonald's.  I'm always happy to see seagulls, and they don't come around this area as often as others I've lived in.  I miss them, so I decided to stop and get some French fries to share with them (illegal in other parts of the state).  It was the highlight of my summer so far.

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

5 hours ago, Artemis said:

Since my dog's hospital visit, it's been hard for him to bend down far enough to drink from his water dish.  So I've been questing for a small platform that will raise the dish high enough for him to reach without squeezing his throat and cutting off his air.  But he's a little dog, so it can't be so high that his neck bumps the dish when he drinks.

One of my cats (who also had a medical condition) had a similar problem with eating.  I never did find a platform that would work for her, so I started feeding her with a syringe, which worked quite well actually.  When she'd see me coming with her bowl, she'd immediately head for the bathroom, where I would sit on the toilet lid, set the bowl next to the basin, hold her on my lap, and feed her in small, manageable amounts.  It made her very happy.

 

[Artemis]

I have to give my dog one of his daily medications through a syringe.  He tolerates it because he knows there’s a treat in it for him afterwards, but he definitely isn’t happy about it.

I put his food in a shallow bowl/plate thing now and he lays down and eats it that way, so he doesn’t have too much trouble with his food.  Water though is another story.

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

Note that water tastes better than meds, so your dog might not mind having water squirted into his mouth.

They make two types of larger syringes specifically for administering large doses of meds (e.g., cough syrup) or for feeding pets or human babies.  They come in two types: one is just a larger version of the med syringe you're apparently using already, and the other is like a big eyedropper.  The first type is available from either vets or drugstores, but I've seen the second only in drugstores and some groceries.  They're generally cheaper (or even free if you're a good customer) from vets.  The ones I've seen of either type hold about two teaspoons (10 ml).  You'd think that the eyedropper kind would be easier, but I've found that the telescoping type gives much better control, especially if I hold the barrel by curling my fingers around it and squeeze the plunger with my thumb.  YMMV on any or all of the above, of course.

 

[Artemis]

6 hours ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

You'd think that the eyedropper kind would be easier, but I've found that the telescoping type gives much better control,

I’ve got both types, and I also prefer the latter.

6 hours ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

Note that water tastes better than meds, so your dog might not mind having water squirted into his mouth.

I don’t think it’s the taste he objects to, it’s the act of being handled and having something squirted in his mouth.  I don’t know that I’d be able to give him enough water and often enough to keep him hydrated either.  I can give it a shot but I’m fairly certain it’ll be a no-go.

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

What sort of food does he eat, dry or canned?  The more water that's in his food, the less he'll need to drink.  Our oldest cat has somewhat weak kidneys, so we've been mixing a spoonful of water with each serving of his canned food.

Of course, with your dog's particular problem, your first concern is presumably what's easiest for him to swallow.  We had another cat who ended up being physically unable to eat anything except semi-moist, which I normally would never even consider buying, but it was that or starve for her.

 

[Artemis]

On 8/6/2020 at 12:11 AM, Carol the Dabbler said:

What sort of food does he eat, dry or canned?

Dry.  I asked the vet about canned, but he seems to think dry is best for now.

Anyway, I found a temporary solution for the platform problem.  I bought some thick hand towels and folded them up to the height I needed.  I also found a wide, shallow bowl (or tall plate?) at the store that looks to be about the right height and width.  If I set it on the floor upside-down and set the water dish on top of it, it might work.  But for now the towels are functioning adequately.  So that's a relief. 

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

Best of luck to both of you!  

 

[Van Buren Supernova]

On 7/25/2020 at 2:54 AM, Carol the Dabbler said:

I'm hesitant to criticize parents without knowing the whole story.  There was a time when parents were advised (by "experts") not to give a crying child any attention because it would only teach them to cry whenever they want attention.  It's possible that the mother you encountered was raised that way, because her mother was raised that way, etc., and so now she thinks that's what she's supposed to do, in order to avoid "spoiling" the kid.  Or it's possible that she's learned from experience that the kid only acts up worse if she pays any attention.  Or not.  But in any case, I can certainly sympathize with you!!!

My cousin adopts this method (mom told me, I wouldn't know, haven't seen them in 20 years). He would bring his family to my uncle's house, and the kids would run amok and somehow get into crying incident, and the parents would just ignore them. It drives everyone crazy. Imo, I don't think it should be done that way in public or not at home, but on the other hand, I see this method works when it is applied by strangers. I experiences some in the past, and currently experiencing it.

I'm doing thing in the kitchen every afternoon at workplace, and this kid, only about one year plus, whose parent work here, would come and just look at me, standing on the doorway outside the kitchen, apparently I am some kind of afternoon TV show for him. I don't do anything, not much interaction at all as you guys know how charming I am with kid, I just mostly ignore him beside sometimes making face and eyebrow at him, but seldom. But he seems to find me amusing and he greets me with wider smile everyday.

One day I heard a thud, he fell down outside, he started to cry and scream so I peeked my head out, but when I saw that he seemed okay, I didn't come to him but just looked at him quizzically, remembered that when my nephew cried, he would stop crying when I looked at him without offering much sympathy. Anyway, beside being useless in helping with kids, I know this kid is a bit of cryer too, so I was sure he was okay. Well, it works, he actually started laughing (I really have to check what is wrong with my face).

The thing is, it works because they probably know that it's no use trying to get sympathy from stranger/not parents, but I don't think it work in my case with his parents. Well, when I left the kitchen, he ran back to his mom in the room beside the kitchen and started to resume the crying.  

 

@Artemis, when my dog refused to eat (he does that sometimes, he thinks eating is just transport, I secretly agree with him but don't tell him), I would blend some chicken and vegetable, carrot or something until it's more like paste, and feed him with a spoon by positioning the food on his tongue, he doesn't have choice but to swallow it. Your case is different, but in case he really needs some nutrient and there is no better way.

[Carol the Dabbler]

10 minutes ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

One day I heard a thud, he fell down outside, he started to cry and scream so I peeked my head out, but when I saw that he seemed okay, I didn't come to him but just looked at him quizzically, remembered that when my nephew cried, he would stop crying when I looked at him without offering much sympathy. Anyway, beside being useless in helping with kids, I know this kid is a bit of cryer too, so I was sure he was okay. Well, it works, he actually started laughing (I really have to check what is wrong with my face).

The thing is, it works because they probably know that it's no use trying to get sympathy from stranger/not parents, but I don't think it work in my case with his parents. Well, when I left the kitchen, he ran back to his mom in the room beside the kitchen and started to resume the crying.

Yup, I think you got him pegged.

11 minutes ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

when my dog refused to eat (he does that sometimes, he thinks eating is just transport, I secretly agree with him but don't tell him), I would blend some chicken and vegetable, carrot or something until it's more like paste, and feed him with a spoon by positioning the food on his tongue, he doesn't have choice but to swallow it.

My cousin did that with her cat when he was ill.  It worked pretty well.

 

[Van Buren Supernova]

I have no problem declining invitation from people that I know, but apparently it's not easy when it's someone I don't really know.

Being a regular dog feeder on the beach, I started to know more people who have same passion. I used to walk around, going to different spots, but now there are about two regular spots because I got attached with the dogs and they are starting to talk to me (human) about a year ago. They noticed me and being kind to inform me if some regular dogs are missing or if something happens to them, which I'm very grateful knowing. We normally have simple chats, about dogs, and that's all.

And this lady suddenly invited me for dinner to celebrate her belated party. Good food, live music, entertainment, night show at the beach. The beach is thriving with night life, at least it used to, I don't know much but covid ruins everything, but apparently this place survives. I don't know how to reply her, there is zero percent that I'm going. Beside current situation, I just don't feel comfortable being around stranger, I barely eat something outside, also I barely know her, and she knows everybody because she is friendly like that, and we know that is recipe for disaster for an introvert.

And I can't give her my usual straight answer I just don't want to go, again, I barely know her, she doesn't know that I'm this impolite ungrateful human being, and I don't want to be r'ude' yet, so I need a good excuse as there is no way I'm going. You see, she knows what I'm doing for some reason (work) and she knows what kind of schedule I have.  SO.. sigh.. I  lied, I have to lie! And it annoys me but there is no other way, I told her my parents are here (they plan to visit sometimes ago when things look better, but now it's not again), to my horror, she said it can be done next week, as the special thing this place has is weekly. And when I told her I prefer to be with my parents, she asked me to bring them along, and when I told her I'm not comfortable with them being in public/crowd, she said they have good practice of social distancing, mask, separated seats etc etc, practically I have nothing on her and it just gets me deeper. And she asked again a couple more times, and each I feel really2 bad and it kind of burden in my mind. But.. I am not going. Sigh.

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

12 hours ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

I can't give her my usual straight answer I just don't want to go, again, I barely know her, she doesn't know that I'm this impolite ungrateful human being, and I don't want to be r'ude' yet, so I need a good excuse as there is no way I'm going. You see, she knows what I'm doing for some reason (work) and she knows what kind of schedule I have.  SO.. sigh.. I  lied, I have to lie! And it annoys me but there is no other way, I told her my parents are here (they plan to visit sometimes ago when things look better, but now it's not again), to my horror, she said it can be done next week, as the special thing this place has is weekly. And when I told her I prefer to be with my parents, she asked me to bring them along, and when I told her I'm not comfortable with them being in public/crowd, she said they have good practice of social distancing, mask, separated seats etc etc, practically I have nothing on her and it just gets me deeper. And she asked again a couple more times, and each I feel really2 bad and it kind of burden in my mind. But.. I am not going. Sigh.

I think it would make sense to come clean with her.  Tell her you've never been comfortable in groups of more than two.  (Which is the crux of the matter, isn't it?  That's WHY you just don't want to go.)  She sounds like a nice person, so she will probably understand.  And even if she doesn't completely understand, at least you won't have to keep making up excuses.

 

[Van Buren Supernova]

The last time she asked I probably grimacing and couldn't really make up excuses, but I believe she gets the hint.

The thing is, it would be good if I go, I'm desperately need to make connection for what I do, but I..don't..want....

It's not about the number of people, it's about how close, and she is a wonderfully nice person, but we are not close! That's the problem, and how to sneak out early in open setting in a show? And barbeque dinner with many? It would take forever!