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Introverts, how is your day?

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That's terrible, I'm sorry for you and your friend, and your mom.  :(

I do part-time work in a funeral home, so I see a lot of sadness and death under sad circumstances.  Last week we had a 17-year-old girl who took a nap after school one day and never woke up.  They think it was complications from diabetes.  Before that there was a young man's suicide, a young woman who overdosed in a hotel room, and a baby who hadn't even been named yet.  We see more deaths the closer to the holidays it gets; that's our "busy" time of year.  We're not even allowed vacation time because of how busy we'll be.

It's just all very sad.

 

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Yup. :( 

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Feeling dejected.  Overheard my dad talking with a friend on the phone, and he said in not so many words that when he looks at me, he feels regret for the son and family he never got to have.  I’ve always known he was disappointed by me, but it still hurts to hear out loud.

I hope I never hear anyone talking about me again.  It’s happened a lot and it’s never anything good.

 

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I take it your dad is still living with you, then?  Odd situation all around, more like you were his mother, and he was expressing the usual teenage dissatisfaction with parents -- except in that case he'd be expected to grow out of it eventually (or at least stop talking so openly about it).  I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through all this; wish I could help somehow.

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9 hours ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

I take it your dad is still living with you, then?

In a sense.  He has a house, but he doesn't want to be there by himself when he's going through these anxiety phases.

 

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Feeling dejected. Overheard my dad talking with a friend on the phone, and he said in not so many words that when he looks at me, he feels regret for the son and family he never got to have.  I’ve always known he was disappointed by me, but it still hurts to hear out loud. I hope I never hear anyone talking about me again. It’s happened a lot and it’s never anything good.
what's up with parents and their obsession with grandchildren? It gives me the feeling that people are either having children to eventually have grandchildren or are hoping that their children will eventually take care of them when they're too old to take care of themselves. Newsflash: just because you have children isn't going to guarantee that you will eventually have grandchildren, nor will it happen that they will take care of you, 99% of the time you end up in a senior home!
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1 hour ago, Fantasy Lover said:

what's up with parents and their obsession with grandchildren?

I donno, but it gets irritating.  :bemused:  In this case though he wasn't talking about grandchildren, he was talking about not having more children of his own (specifically a son).

1 hour ago, Fantasy Lover said:

It gives me the feeling that people are either having children to eventually have grandchildren or are hoping that their children will eventually take care of them when they're to old to take care of themselves.

Yeah, that seems about accurate.

 

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5 hours ago, Fantasy Lover said:

what's up with parents and their obsession with grandchildren?

In my mother's case, she felt so fulfilled by being a mother that she sort of assumed her daughters would too. She didn't pressure us, though.

In my dad's case, he simply loved children and missed having them around. But he didn't pressure us either.

Society pressured us, because it's "normal." But who cares what society thinks. :D 

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17 hours ago, Artemis said:

He has a house, but he doesn't want to be there by himself when he's going through these anxiety phases.

Once when I was living alone (in a creaky old house at the end of a dead-end street), the phone rang in the middle of the night.  I'm still not sure whether it was an obscene call or a very wrong number, but it freaked me out, and I went to stay with friends for a while -- a bit too long of a while, I'm afraid.  So I can sympathize with both of you.

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If that happened to my dad, it might feel like a better excuse than his ear infection, lol.  As it is, my sympathy is being tested.

 

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In my mother's case, she felt so fulfilled by being a mother that she sort of assumed her daughters would too. She didn't pressure us, though. In my dad's case, he simply loved children and missed having them around. But he didn't pressure us either. Society pressured us, because it's "normal." But who cares what society thinks.  
Honestly, F*** society and its expectations. I have neither the ability nor the patience to deal with a child. Not to mention the fact that I don't get along with 98% of my family and I don't have a lot of friends. Which means I have to either sent my child to a boarding school, find a nanny/ au pair or else I have to look for a baby sitter all the time.

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Hear hear, that's why I loveeee character like Sherlock.

In RL I find more and more people agreeing with my decision not to have kids, even the ones who used to criticize me. They are either facing neverending problems with their kids (who are grown-a** adult but still giving their parents troubles) or they realize that it's too optimistic to expect the kids to take care of them in the future (which like what you guys said, are the most used reason of having kids --> and they are calling us selfish). I didn't feel the 'I told you so' moment because they really look regretful and I feel pity of the years and effort that they spent, at least, they tried and keep trying to be good parents, even some has their own book of what good parent means.

I'm not against people having kids, and I admire responsible parents, like my own. That's why I don't think I'm up to that, I'm still growing up and immature in the age where I should already have long long time ago (but growing up is optional, yes, as long as you are not a burden to society and family). I'm just pissed when parents or potential parents take the responsibility of raising a kid lightly and trying to make us think the same. That is shameful, you are bringing a human being to the world and shaping them to be good, that is mundane task. Hate to say I think I have more considerations of having a hamster compared to many of them.

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I like being an aunt. All the fun, none of the problems. :D 

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19 hours ago, Arcadia said:

I like being an aunt. All the fun, none of the problems. :D 

That's true, and the kids thought we are cooler than their parents (if only they tried to spend 24/7 time with me :evilinside: they would change their minds)

To the topic, there is  this test for fun but I don't really get it. Four kind of introversion? I guess it's trying to say which area of introversion is more prominent?

And this is my result, which I don't get as well. It probably means I'm equally screwed. What's yours?
Untitled.jpg

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I also got a more-or-less equilateral diamond, except that the shortest point in mine was the bottom one. I had no idea how to answer some of the questions, though, because I wasn't sure what some of them really meant.  A few sounded like two questions to me, like the one something like being wrong often embarrasses or angers me but I try not to show it -- which half was I supposed to rate?

This study is apparently still in its infancy.  I assume they'll get better at it 

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Hmm, I didn't find it that hard to understand. Do you mean the explanation of the different types, or the results?

At any rate, mine were all about equal, with a little bit of emphasis on social introversion. Which is about what I would have guessed. I know when I was a teen the "anxious" probably would've rated a lot higher, but I learned to cope with that. And most people are surprised to discover I consider myself an introvert. Some because they don't really understand what the term means; and some because I've learned how to mask it to a large degree. Or maybe "mask" is the wrong word, but I've learned how to act more … well, "extroverted" when the situation calls for it. I always feel like I'm faking it, though, even if other people can't detect that.

A lot of it was just making up my mind to be friendly to whoever approached me, as if I welcomed their presence. The more I practice it, the easier it gets. I feel sorry for my students from my first few years of teaching; I think a lot of them found me a bit intimidating. Having had teachers like that, I try hard to avoid being that way myself. But here's the little secret … it's pretty tiring for me to be so "up" for that long. I would never make it in a regular school system; too many hours a day and I start to retreat. Ugh, just thinking about it makes me want to go hide. :D 

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3 hours ago, Arcadia said:

I didn't find it that hard to understand. Do you mean the explanation of the different types, or the results?

Neither -- I meant the questions.  If they had omitted words like usually or rarely, I would have found it a lot easier to apply the five-point scale.  But with those words included, it felt like the thing was already quantified, and I was expected to add another layer of quantification.

Plus, with my usual reluctance to say always or never, I was already working with a mere three-point scale anyhow.

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Last month I wanted to get a haircut for the holidays, but unfortunately I decided to go on the 23rd. So that meant that a lot of hairdressers were either closed, full or needed an appointment. Eventually I found a Turkish barber that was neither, so I mentally prepared to deal with subjects like the weather, small talk and personal questions like: "Do you study or work? What kind of job do you have? Where are you from? Where do you live?" And my absolute favourite "Do you have a boyfriend/children?" Thankfully he asked none of them, he wasn't very talkative and when he spoke it was mostly to other people in the shop in Turkish (at least I think was Turkish, could have been Moroccan) which I consider a bit rude but it was 18€ to get a haircut there so I didn't mind that much.

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I take it that your hair turned out reasonably well?  That's a relief!

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Not really, my hair came past my shoulders. I asked to cut it shoulder length, It became chin length. But thankfully it'll grows back, I just need to wait like half a year or so.

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4 hours ago, Fantasy Lover said:

Not really, my hair came past my shoulders. I asked to cut it shoulder length, It became chin length. But thankfully it'll grows back, I just need to wait like half a year or so.

Lucky you! My hair still grows almost an inch a month, so it's almost always too long. Except right after the hair cut, of course. Plus I have trouble convincing the hair dressers that yes, I really do want it "that" short..…. :smile: 

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2 hours ago, Arcadia said:

I have trouble convincing the hair dressers that yes, I really do want it "that" short..…. :smile: 

About a dozen years ago I decided I was tired of dealing with long hair (down to my waist when wet), and asked Alex's hair gal to make it two or three inches long.  She insisted that I didn't want it that short. I insisted that I did, but she just wouldn't do it, so for a while, like FL, I had chin-length hair, which is about the worst length for hair with natural curl/wave.

When I got completely fed up with it, I bought a Flowbee (a vacuum-cleaner attachment that trims your hair and sucks up the clippings) and Alex cut my hair for a while. I would still go with him when he got a haircut, and it eventually sank into the styist's head that yes, I really did want it that short, so I started letting her cut it again, and she would make it almost short enough.  I was horrified when she decided to retire, imagining having to go through that all over again.  But we picked one of the other gals at the same place (because she's a Sherlock fan), and it turned out that she actually believes in doing what her client wants, so we've gradually gotten it down to two inches.  :D

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On 1/9/2020 at 10:12 PM, Fantasy Lover said:

Last month I wanted to get a haircut for the holidays, but unfortunately I decided to go on the 23rd. So that meant that a lot of hairdressers were either closed, full or needed an appointment. Eventually I found a Turkish barber that was neither, so I mentally prepared to deal with subjects like the weather, small talk and personal questions like: "Do you study or work? What kind of job do you have? Where are you from? Where do you live?" And my absolute favourite "Do you have a boyfriend/children?" Thankfully he asked none of them, he wasn't very talkative and when he spoke it was mostly to other people in the shop in Turkish (at least I think was Turkish, could have been Moroccan) which I consider a bit rude but it was 18€ to get a haircut there so I didn't mind that much.

This is the reason why I avoid proper hairdresser if I could. For a longest time I settled on cutting my hair in those booth style (it cost around 12 bucks) that offer under ten minutes cut. With that time, they are trained not to do small talks. Nowadays I have to go to hair salon and it's up to my luck if I get talkative ones or not. Usually after couple of short uninterested answer they would give up, although they still try to sell me vitamins or whatever because according to them, my hair color is 'wrong' (I am a brunette with natural light brown shade or whatever you call the imperfect or gradient) they say I probably spend too much time in the sun or lack of proper hair vitamins etc etc.

As for hair length, how I wish I could have short hair, but noooo.. I tried before, two three inches and it stood up like I'm in constant electrocution. I don't have curls to help it down naturally. So now I have to maintain two three inches after shoulder so that I could pony-tail it all the time since it's necessary for my activities comfort.

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That is one problem when my hair is shorter; the static electricity is always dragging it into my face. I believe that's why God invented ponytails. :D 

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About a dozen years ago I decided I was tired of dealing with long hair (down to my waist when wet), and asked Alex's hair gal to make it two or three inches long.  She insisted that I didn't want it that short. I insisted that I did, but she just wouldn't do it, so for a while, like FL, I had chin-length hair, which is about the worst length for hair with natural curl/wave.
Tell me about it!! My hair was more or less decent when it came past my shoulder, because it's now chin length it's a mess!

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