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Van Buren Supernova

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13 hours ago, Artemis said:

I was never “their little girl”, I was a little adult; mostly responsible for myself

Ah -- I've seen that kind of parent as well, I think, sort of Victorian.  From the family stories I've heard, the parents were raised that way themselves, and even though they still hold a grudge against their (now-deceased) parents on that account, they seem to know no other way to interact with their own (now-adult) children.  Sad, really, especially in the case of one "child" who takes it all too much to heart.

13 hours ago, Artemis said:

politely ignoring while I continue to live my life doesn’t make their shaming and badgering less frustrating, either, lol.  It can be quite wounding, in fact, but there’s not a lot I can do about that other than cut them out of my life, which I’d be unwilling to do.

Cutting them out might not solve the problem either -- you've been dealing with them long enough that you've probably internalized their attitude to some extent.  You might -- seriously -- consider getting advice from a counselor.  I think most cities/towns have some sort of human services clinic.  I went to one of those years ago and talked with a social worker who was very helpful.  She wasn't able to solve my problem of course, but she taught me how to cope.  And just being able to tell someone was comforting.

 

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27 minutes ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

You might -- seriously -- consider getting advice from a counselor.

I’ve been, thanks.  :smile: 

I’ve definitely internalized it (can one help but internalize how their family treats them?), but I wouldn’t say I’m actively holding a grudge about it or anything like that.  I’m not angry.  At this point I’ve basically just adopted an “It is what it is” attitude about the whole thing.  I’m able to detach enough that I don’t have too much emotion about what I’m relaying; it’s just facts, now.

It would still be nice if they would quit it, though, lol.

 

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18 minutes ago, Artemis said:

It would still be nice if they would quit it, though, lol.

Old dog, new tricks....

Not likely to happen.

Glad to hear that you're able to cope, though!

 

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Forgive me, but these sound like.. toxic relationship?

My parents don't have very modernized point of view, they are still really into tradition and sometimes they drove me nuts with their opinions and suggestions, but I don't remember they really 'guilt' me into something I don't want to do. I always able to choose what I want, or maybe I'm those infuriated kid who never listens? Could be both, they were and probably still are quite frustrated with me, but eventually they know they can't really force anything, especially the only reason is 'normalcy', 'tradition', or because THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO!!! So I'm grateful they eventually let me be.

Having said that, I believe I had fair share of 'discussion', 'argument', 'pressure', and maybe it could work for you as well. What I did was just ignore that. Ignore, as in I didn't even give them anything to pick on. I don't respond to remarks or give excuse or try to show my POV, because they would just helpfully 'solving' all the reasons why I can't or why I won't. I did this stage when I already tried everything else, real discussion, excuses, reasoning, so I like to think I'm not actually bad mannered or anything disrespectful, and I mostly practiced this more to other busybody relatives because like said, my parents eventually 'give up' and they were not very pushy to begin with.

Anyway, so I just don't respond. A smile, that's all. A shrug. Trust me. It will kill their will to push. This is not a fun nemesis. I would neither agree or disagree with your analysis and suggestion. No weapon, no fire, no ammo. They would give up eventually.

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20 minutes ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

Having said that, I believe I had fair share of 'discussion', 'argument', 'pressure', and maybe it could work for you as well. What I did was just ignore that. Ignore, as in I didn't even give them anything to pick on. I don't respond to remarks or give excuse or try to show my POV, because they would just helpfully 'solving' all the reasons why I can't or why I won't.

[...]

Anyway, so I just don't respond. A smile, that's all. A shrug. Trust me. It will kill their will to push. This is not a fun nemesis. I would neither agree or disagree with your analysis and suggestion. No weapon, no fire, no ammo. They would give up eventually.

Right, that is the "polite ignoring and continuing to live my life" that I was talking about (which is how I've been handling it for quite some time now).  Apparently it does not work with my parents; they continue to comment and push, and even harder lately... which is what caused me to vent about it in the first place, lol.  The only "ammo" they require is for me to be within earshot.  This is not a brand-new phenomenon, they've been on me for years.  And I stopped trying to explain myself to them years ago.

 

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I'm those who in the club that parents should be respected and loved. 

But, you must be a saint.

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20 minutes ago, Artemis said:

they continue to comment and push, and even harder lately

Concerned about your biological clock, maybe?

My mother used to send me clippings about women who had had babies at whatever age I was at the time.  But she finally stopped, presumably because it's hard to find articles about women having babies past a certain age.  Hang in there.

 

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2 minutes ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

Concerned about your biological clock, maybe?

I imagine it does have something to do with that.

5 minutes ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

My mother used to send me clippings about women who had had babies at whatever age I was at the time.

My father does a version of that: He points out every woman of a certain age who's pregnant on TV and says something like "See??  She's having kids.  You could too."

 

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I had to take one of my dogs to the emergency center around 2am yesterday.  He's been limping for about a week, but I thought it was the cold weather making his joints stiff.  Then yesterday, he stopped walking on his front left leg.  I thought maybe he slipped and pulled a muscle, so I put him in his kennel to rest.  After about an hour in there, he started screeching out of nowhere.  The vet took an x-ray of his leg but didn't find anything, and she wasn't able to determine what was wrong with him.  I wish she had x-rayed his back too, because I suspect a back injury.  But she dismissed that out of hand.  He was prescribed a week of pain medication and strict bed rest.  I hope that takes care of it...  I'm really worried about him.

Meanwhile, another $650 of debt for me, after spending $300 on my other dog a few weeks ago, and close to $2000 on car and house repairs a few weeks before that.  Yay.

I'm getting crushed.

 

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12 hours ago, Artemis said:

He was prescribed a week of pain medication and strict bed rest.  I hope that takes care of it...  I'm really worried about him.

That may well do the trick.  A lot of problems will resolve themselves, given a little time.  If not, though, maybe a second opinion is in order, hopefully from your regular vet.

I assume the emergency vet checked for splinters, rocks between toes, etc.?

Meanwhile, give him lots of love.  And don't forget to take care of yourself too.

 

 

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Two years ago, my dog suddenly showed very strange behaviour. He would try to bite at something behind him (tail area? tummy?) He seemed very annoyed and restless. 

He would try to desperately to sit on my lap, as if want to disappear there, or hid in the corner, licking nervously at anything. It went so bad he would scream and cry as if in pain and unable to walk up just simple small height differences. He cried when I carried him up and down the car. We went to vet multiple times, multiple xray and found nothing. There were gas and stool, we even tried laxative and it only make him miserable and of course messy.  Before this he had lighter symptoms like licking, sleepiness and no appetite but only a very short period.

We did some organ tests as well, which is very expensive, and the vets couldn't find anything wrong. She suggested it could be OCD, something like when a dog has habit of chasing its tail, but I was very sure he was more likely trying to 'fix' something, maybe a pain.

Other vet prescribed him a nerve medication to help him relax, and it seemed to help. He gradually get better.

Now he sometimes showed similar symptoms, and what I would do is hugging him, and wrapping him in the blanket, and holding on his tummy area until he calms down. He is no lapdog, but he would let me and even sleep in my arm and in blanket (regardless of weather) for long time during these times. It never goes too badly, and I believe only one occasion I needed to give him just one or two nerve medications. Sometimes I give him medication for gasses.

I don't know what to conclude, I believe he had very bad gas trapped in his stomach that resulted in painful contractions, and he tried to 'fix' it by trying to bite at it. Any movements could cause him pain. Now that when he shows slightest symptoms, he would be receptive to snuggling and warm and light massage and it would gone away.

I have this problem as human, sensitivity to tummy area and I know how this pain feel like at its extreme, like someone grabbing all the intestines and everything together and squeeze them at both ends on opposite directions like how you would dry a towel, it would come and go, just like what he experienced. So my guess is that is what happened to him.

I hope your dog is going to be okay, it sucks that we can't understand what they are going through sometimes.

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On 2/20/2021 at 3:16 PM, Artemis said:

He points out every woman of a certain age who's pregnant on TV and says something like "See??  She's having kids.  You could too."

Ehmmm... have you tempted to point out wrestler, sportsman or others around his age and says, "See?? You could do that too."

 

I have been tempted to whisper this to my aunt in funerals when she whisper to me once,"You are next." upon seeing pregnant relatives. Fortunately I live abroad and avoid any family events after that outside my sibling's marriages.

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On 2/22/2021 at 11:34 PM, Van Buren Supernova said:

I have this problem as human, sensitivity to tummy area and I know how this pain feel like at its extreme, like someone grabbing all the intestines and everything together and squeeze them at both ends on opposite directions like how you would dry a towel, it would come and go, just like what he experienced.

That sounds like what I get sometimes when I'm badly stressed.  It's called spastic colon.  The best "treatment" I've found is whatever can calm my nerves, which depends on why they're frazzled at that particular time.  So even if you don't know what specific thing is upsetting your dog's insides, it sounds like you're helping to calm him, whether with hugs or with occasional medication.  I'm glad that you have each other.

 

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