We need to talk about online toxicity.

[Valkyrie123]

Okay, today I was on a new chat website. I signed up and wrote my bio.

For. those of you who don't know, I am bisexual and comfortable with that fact, so I wrote it into my bio.

Within minuites of signing up I had around 6 people private message me with not even rants. With toxic monolouges telling me to burn in hell and kill myself, they called my a half-f****t and many more words.

One guy said that God made people to be straight and 'queer' people like me did not belong in this world.

Every day millions of people experience toxicity on chat websites.

I want to know what people think of this.

Also, I didn't know where to put this thread so feel free to move it.

[Caya]

 Sorry you had such a bad experience. And good on you for being an out-and-proud bisexual.

As to the question above, I'm a female gamer so, yeah, that's another surefire method to meet idiots online.  

And just for the record, I don't think anything like this is likely to happen here (we're small, quiet and friendly, fortunately) but I do have a banstick and neither me nor any other mod is going to hesitate should anyone have the bright idea to pull a stunt like that. Everyone should feel safe and welcome on this forum.

[T.o.b.y]

1 hour ago, SherLOCKED123 said:

Okay, today I was on a new chat website. I signed up and wrote my bio.

For. those of you who don't know, I am bisexual and comfortable with that fact, so I wrote it into my bio.

Within minuites of signing up I had around 6 people private message me with not even rants. With toxic monolouges telling me to burn in hell and kill myself, they called my a half-f****t and many more words.

One guy said that God made people to be straight and 'queer' people like me did not belong in this world.

Every day millions of people experience toxicity on chat websites.

I want to know what people think of this.

Also, I didn't know where to put this thread so feel free to move it.

What do I think of this? It's absolutely horrible and there is no excuse at all for that kind of behavior, online or offline. 

It's one thing if a person really believes, because of their religion, that we are facing eternal damnation and it's their god-given job to save us. Okay, fine, thanks for your concern, I do not share your beliefs, moving on. 

But insults and harassment are totally unacceptable. 

It's a mystery to me what people get out of that either. Sending the hateful messages, I mean. How does it help them in any way...? 

Like Caya said, I am pretty hopeful that nothing like that will happen to you here but if it should, contact a mod and we'll take care of it, ok? 

[Valkyrie123]

T.o.b.y

I agree, this is a lovely site and I am confident nothing toxic ever happens on here.

I've just decided to ignore the haters and move on, because they are not worth my time.

[T.o.b.y]

4 minutes ago, SherLOCKED123 said:

T.o.b.y

I agree, this is a lovely site and I am confident nothing toxic ever happens on here.

I've just decided to ignore the haters and move on, because they are not worth my time.

Sounds like a solid strategy! 

I wouldn't say nothing toxic ever happens at all... We've had difficulties here and there. But not on the level you describe for sure. By internet standards, this is indeed a very relaxed place imo. 😄 

[Valkyrie123]

Yes it is and I'm glad to be here 😄

[T.o.b.y]

I still wonder what goes on in the minds of the people writing those messages. 

Probably nothing... 

Because like Sherlock said: people are idiots. 

[Valkyrie123]

 

1 minute ago, T.o.b.y said:

I still wonder what goes on in the minds of the people writing those messages. 

Probably nothing... 

Because like Sherlock said: people are idiots. 

Indeed they are. Like always, Sherlock is right!

As for what goes on inside their heads, we can only assume they had a traumatic life or an abusive childhood, becuase people who are that messed up aren't naturally that way, something has usually made them like that.

[T.o.b.y]

56 minutes ago, SherLOCKED123 said:

As for what goes on inside their heads, we can only assume they had a traumatic life or an abusive childhood, becuase people who are that messed up aren't naturally that way, something has usually made them like that.

That's mostly my worldview as well (even though I am currently obsessed with a Muscial which mocks this very notion, namely Heathers...) but still, not sending hateful messages is always an option, no matter how hard your life is. Or, to quote another musical: "I was given bad choices, sure, but I could have said no!"

[Carol the Dabbler]

8 hours ago, SherLOCKED123 said:

As for what goes on inside their heads, we can only assume they had a traumatic life or an abusive childhood, becuase people who are that messed up aren't naturally that way, something has usually made them like that.

I suspect most of them were simply taught as children to fear and avoid anyone who isn't like them.  Therefore they want to keep such people out of their little corner of the internet.  If they're typical of the people on that site, I'd say they did you a big favor by immediately letting you know what a hateful place it is.

I concur with the other mods, nothing like that is tolerated here.  As Tobe said, there's been some brief nastiness every now and then, but we do our best to nip it in the bud.  I need to go become a non-mod for a moment in order to check your options, should you ever notice anything of that sort. 

[Carol the Dabbler]

OK, took me a while to find, but we do still have a Report button.  Lest I confuse anyone, it doesn't look like a button, it's just the words "Report post," near the upper right corner of each post.  Like a lot of other things, it's currently damn-near invisible if you're using the New Dark theme, but can easily be found either by mousing over it (which should bring up a tag reading "Report this content") or by highlighting the area (as though you were intending to copy it).

So -- if you feel that a post has any politeness issues, please click the Report button.  You will then be given the option to specify what you find wrong with it (and I would encourage you to do so).  Then click the Submit report button.  A "thank you" message will appear very briefly, but otherwise nothing will seem to have changed, and the person who posted the questionable content will never have any idea that you reported it.  However this will create a red flag at the top of every single forum page, visible only to staff members.

Optionally, you could send a Private Message to a staff member, but it's best to use the Report button, because then whichever staff member happens to be online next can deal with it right away.

If the issue is blatant enough, a staff member will immediately delete all or part of that post.  In less-blatant cases, we may do a bit of creative editing, along with a rather pointed reminder of the forum rules.  In borderline cases, we're more likely to just remind everyone to be polite.  It's also possible that we don't understand what you see as being a problem, in which case we may contact you for further information.

But please don't assume that a staff member will notice an offensive post without it being reported.  There have been cases where an insult was so subtly worded that those of us who weren't particularly interested in the discussion just skimmed right over it.  And in other cases, there was nothing wrong with the post at first, but some offensive comments were edited in later -- which happened to be after staff members had already read that post.

 

[Douglas]

Dear Valkyrie123,

OK: Here's my one cent worth:

That behaviour that you have copped is absolutely appalling!! There's no excuse for it, and sadly, there are a lot of Idiots in the world today!!

I know it's hard; but try not to get too upset by thoughtless, insensitive, narrow-minded, insecure fools!!! You don't need that sort of nonsense in your life, and you certainly don't deserve it!

This is a wonderful Forum here, with great and friendly Moderators, along with friendly members; so you're safe here with us! 

Take good care, and I'm so sorry that you have been subjected to the narrow-mindedness and stupidity of Morons! 

Kindest Regards and Best Wishes to you,

Douglas

xoxo

 

[Artemis]

I’ve been exploring the ‘net since the mid-late ‘90’s and seen more than my share of nastiness in that time.  I’ve been harassed, hacked, stalked, threatened, berated, called names, lied about, ganged up on and framed for things I didn’t do, etc., the list goes on.  People have told me to kill myself.  People have looked up my personal information, contacted people on my friends lists, and tried to ruin my relationships.  Someone on a forum I used to visit tried to set up a situation where I’d be raped by a group of guys from the forum.  They’d been talking about meeting up with women for “surprise role-play” rape as their sexual fantasy, and that person and a friend were pretending to be the real-life me, asking to participate.  Thankfully a mod found out about it and stepped in.  

Sometimes it came from people I’d developed friendships with, sometimes it came from totally random strangers.  It was everywhere I went and it became so bad that I eventually just stopped talking to people online.  I’ve mostly stuck to that and it’s been much better for me emotionally.  When I join websites now I don’t interact with anyone, don’t give out any information about myself (even my gender), and disable messaging if the option is available.  This forum is the only exception.  Sometimes people still give me a hard time for being distrustful and cautious to the point of paranoid, and I used to let that guilt me into opening myself up more.  But all that did was make me an easy target again, so I don’t care how people judge it anymore.  They haven’t lived my experiences.

I had a point, but I’ve forgotten it, lol.  I hope you can glean something useful from my input.  I’m sorry you’ve crashed into some jerks and utter imbeciles.    They’re hard to avoid.

 

[Douglas]

Dear Artemis,

What you've experienced is shocking; and I'm so very sorry.

And I say to you what I said to Valkyrie123. 

Yes; this Forum is wonderful; and Idiots, Fools, and Morons (like the ones you've described), thankfully, are not tolerated here!.

Take good care.

Kindest Regards,

Douglas

xoxo

 

[Valkyrie123]

Okay, I have decided to leave that chat website. A guy started spamming religious messages about anti abortion on the chat. So, for reasons that I would prefer not to divulge into (that you can probably infer yourselves),  I was extremely offended and I politley told him I understand, but I disagree, and some people are forced to become pregnant at a young age, which is horrific and traumatising. I said all this very politley and in a calm way.

Yet I started recieving private messages from this person, who is now blocked and reported on the website, asking me where I live and telling me he was going to kill me with his gun.

Sooo, needless to say, that website is history, and so is my attempt to convince an ignorant man about the horrors of forced pregnancy.

*sigh*

[Valkyrie123]

Life goes on.

[Douglas]

2 minutes ago, Valkyrie123 said:

Okay, I have decided to leave that chat website. A guy started spamming religious messages about anti abortion on the chat. So, for reasons that I would prefer not to divulge into (that you can probably infer yourselves),  I was extremely offended and I politley told him I understand, but I disagree, and some people are forced to become pregnant at a young age, which is horrific and traumatising. I said all this very politley and in a calm way.

Yet I started recieving private messages from this person, who is now blocked and reported on the website, asking me where I live and telling me he was going to kill me with his gun.

Sooo, needless to say, that website is history, and so is my attempt to convince an ignorant man about the horrors of forced pregnancy.

*sigh*

And yet I continue to be astounded by the Idiocy of some people in this world: that religious man is way out of line, talking to you like that!!! 

xoxo

[Valkyrie123]

Thanks for your support, @Douglas, and I wholeheartedly agree.

However, it may not be his fault. Some religious ideals are drilled into people from an early age, and they grow up thinking these things.

[Douglas]

Just now, Valkyrie123 said:

Thanks for your support, @Douglas, and I wholeheartedly agree..

You're very welcome, Valkyrie 123; always!

I know it's very upsetting, but try to realise that it's people like that religious man who have the problem: NOT you!! 

And in fact: I get upset when I hear of the lovely people on this Forum who have been insulted and abused by heartless Fools!! 

xoxo

 

[Valkyrie123]

5 minutes ago, Valkyrie123 said:

However, it may not be his fault. Some religious ideals are drilled into people from an early age, and they grow up thinking these things.

This is also true, however. 

[Douglas]

1 minute ago, Valkyrie123 said:

This is also true, however. 

Valkyrie,

I know: But he had no right to talk to you like that: especially with his insults and threats!! His behaviour is totally unacceptable; and also I've known lots of "Religious" people (I'm not religious, as such: but I believe there's a God) who would not talk to you like this man has!! 

The worse thing you can do, is to let his nonsense degrade your self-worth and self-confidence!! 

Please take good care; you're among friends here!

xoxo

[Valkyrie123]

Thanks, and I wasn't condoning his behaviour, just trying to understand it.

[Douglas]

Just now, Valkyrie123 said:

Thanks, and I wasn't condoning his behaviour, just trying to understand it.

Dear Valkyrie 123,

Yes; sadly these sort of people are very difficult, if not impossible, to understand: I believe that they're covering up a massive insecurity within themselves! 

[Valkyrie123]

Yeah, those sorts of people always have a reason for what they do, even if you can't see it at first.

[Douglas]

Can I just make a general comment with regards to this Topic?

What worries and concerns me; having read these Posts so far; is the psychological and emotional damage that the insults, abuse, and threats, as described here, can have on the recipients of such nonsense!! 

Please just remember that everyone has a right to be just the way they are, and that no one has the right to judge or condemn anyone!!! 

So be proud of who you are!!!

I believe that we're all meant to be brothers and sisters in this world!!