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Shoot the Wall (A.K.A. The Rant Thread)


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I saw Christmas lights on someone’s house tonight.  :blink:

 

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13 hours ago, Artemis said:

I saw Christmas lights on someone’s house tonight.  :blink:

Sadly, that's perfectly believable these days.  But are you sure they weren't Halloween / Thanksgiving / Autumn lights?  Some people around here put up yellow, orange, and red lights in the fall, which can be a little confusing.

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Definitely.  They were red and green lights, and a Santa figure on the porch, so there was no mistaking it.

It did snow over the weekend, so maybe people are feeling wintry early this year.  Still, the leaves haven’t even finished turning on most of the trees, and other houses are decked out for Halloween.  It’s too soon for Christmas, lol.

 

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Not expecting much sympathy for this because I know that few of you have or want kids but: 

The other day, I got fast food downtown in the afternoon because I had had no lunch break at work and no time between the end of my shift and picking my son up at daycare. He wanted to try, so I stuffed a few wok noodles in his mouth. And this very overdressed woman in her 60s stopped, frowned at me and remarked: "I always cooked for my children!" 

Yeah. Good for you. Let me guess though: you didn't have a job while yours were little and / or you had a housekeeper, maybe even a Nanny. 

I cook as much as I f...ing can but some days, I feel lucky that I find time to go to the bathroom. I wish people would not randomly criticize a complete stranger's parenting, especially when the kid isn't bothering anyone. 

I don't go around shoving baby photos in everyone's face demanding attention and I don't let him annoy people and in return I would really like me and my offspring to be left in peace too. 

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10 hours ago, T.o.b.y said:

this very overdressed woman in her 60s stopped, frowned at me and remarked: "I always cooked for my children!" 

You could have said, very matter-of-factly, "Yes, ma'am, and I always minded my own business."   :P

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On 10/14/2019 at 8:21 AM, Van Buren Supernova said:

You mean you have to have another mode of transportation to reach the station, presumably car, since it's 40 minutes away?

Yep. As the saying goes, it's a biiiiig country. And don't forget, I live way out in the magical fairy woods.

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On 10/17/2019 at 4:15 PM, T.o.b.y said:

Not expecting much sympathy for this because I know that few of you have or want kids but: 

But I do sympathize, nobody should mind other's business that way, especially something that might have layers of stories behind it. 

But it's always a challenge, isn't it? It's difficult to wear other people's shoes and understand their views and positions. I got this a lot from my relatives and friends about everything that they don't understand about me. And I'm sure I'm guilty as well, but I don't go around ruining their days.

On 10/18/2019 at 9:54 PM, Arcadia said:

, I live way out in the magical fairy woods.

Yah I know, the magical woods that is shoeless and punless. So depressing.

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On 10/17/2019 at 4:15 AM, T.o.b.y said:

The other day, I got fast food downtown in the afternoon because I had had no lunch break at work and no time between the end of my shift and picking my son up at daycare. He wanted to try, so I stuffed a few wok noodles in his mouth. And this very overdressed woman in her 60s stopped, frowned at me and remarked: "I always cooked for my children!"

I wasn't even there and I still want to smack her upside the head.

 

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On 10/17/2019 at 4:15 AM, T.o.b.y said:

The other day, I got fast food downtown in the afternoon because I had had no lunch break at work and no time between the end of my shift and picking my son up at daycare. He wanted to try, so I stuffed a few wok noodles in his mouth. And this very overdressed woman in her 60s stopped, frowned at me and remarked: "I always cooked for my children!"

Now I'm trying to figure out whether my occasional temptation to tell parents that they should keep their kids under some semblance of control in public might fall into the same category as what that woman did.  Not that I ever *do* tell them, mind you -- but if I did, might I also be assuming too much?  Might there be some extenuating circumstance that would make the situation perfectly understandable, if only I was aware of it?

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1 hour ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

Now I'm trying to figure out whether my occasional temptation to tell parents that they should keep their kids under some semblance of control in public might fall into the same category as what that woman did.  Not that I ever *do* tell them, mind you -- but if I did, might I also be assuming too much?  Might there be some extenuating circumstance that would make the situation perfectly understandable, if only I was aware of it?

Maybe... But imho you have every right to tell people that their kids are bothering you. That's you standing up for yourself and your interests and needs. As long as your request isn't utterly unreasonable (such as "make the kid not exist" basically), I have no problem with that. Can't always promise to fully comply but... 

What made me so angry with this woman was that she went out of her way to criticize me for some supposed parenting deficit that did not affect herself at all. 

There's a big difference between "excuse me, but your son is kicking my seat and it hurts my back, please make him stop" and "just fwi, I think you suck and I am way better than you at being a mother". 

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Some people only feel better about their insignificant and boring lives if they can denigrate someone else's. I don't have kids, but being overweight means that I get plenty of choice comments about that instead. My go-to response by now is something along the lines of, "Okay, but I can lose weight and what are you going to do about your personality?" I've long since given up trying to play nice with someone who goes out of their way to be rude for no reason. :rolleyes:

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I neither want nor have kids and and yet you have my full sympathy, this lady's mommy shaming is one of the reasons why I don't want children. You just can't win with those people, when you're a working mom you're lazy and selfish and when you're a stay at home mom everyone assumes you have loads of time. And then there is the whole issue with feeding, if you bottlefeed your kid you're lazy and selfish, but if you breastfeed you have to cover up because God forbid someone sees your nipples.

 

Yet I still criticise some people's parenting styles, mainly because I feel parents these days don't have a spine and are too lazy to raise their children and leave the parenting to the teachers.

 

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4 hours ago, Fantasy Lover said:

I neither want nor have kids and and yet you have my full sympathy, this lady's mommy shaming is one of the reasons why I don't want children. You just can't win with those people, when you're a working mom you're lazy and selfish and when you're a stay at home mom everyone assumes you have loads of time. And then there is the whole issue with feeding, if you bottlefeed your kid you're lazy and selfish, but if you breastfeed you have to cover up because God forbid someone sees your nipples.

 

Yet I still criticise some people's parenting styles, mainly because I feel parents these days don't have a spine and are too lazy to raise their children and leave the parenting to the teachers.

 

Well, with most of these "whatever you do it's wrong" things I can usually cope pretty well (and so far nobody has said a thing about my nips but then, that's Germany for you, I guess). 

I just turn it around in my head - if you work, yay, you're a progressive, independent woman setting a good example and if you stay at home to raise your kids, yay, you're a caring, dedicated person and your place probably looks lovely. If you breastfeed, yay, it's cheap, healthy and comfy and if you bottle feed, yay, it's practical and your partner can help you with your nights. 

As long as what they're doing isn't harmful or illegal, I usually try to validate other parents and cheer them on, even if they do everything differently than myself. 

What I have a hard time with is when people are super harsh with their kids and belittle them non stop in public. I once had a situation at the public pool where this one woman kept screaming at her daughter about nothing at all and she scared my own kid so much that we had to leave. It's hard to find anything nice to say about behavior like that... 

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3 hours ago, T.o.b.y said:

What I have a hard time with is when people are super harsh with their kids and belittle them non stop in public. I once had a situation at the public pool where this one woman kept screaming at her daughter about nothing at all and she scared my own kid so much that we had to leave. It's hard to find anything nice to say about behavior like that....

I've very rarely seen that sort of thing, fortunately.  I'd guess that it's generally just someone having a bad day, and they rarely behave like that.  I hope.

 

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14 hours ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

I've very rarely seen that sort of thing, fortunately.  I'd guess that it's generally just someone having a bad day, and they rarely behave like that.  I hope.

 

It's unfortunately all too common here in former Prussia... 

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3 hours ago, T.o.b.y said:

It's unfortunately all too common here in former Prussia... 

You mean the stereotype is actually true?   :blink:

 

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On 10/21/2019 at 10:36 PM, Fantasy Lover said:

..but if you breastfeed you have to cover up because God forbid someone sees your nipples.

Forgive me if I sound ignorant, I'm actually confused about why many are so angry when they are asked to cover up.

I need to make myself clear that I don't see this in term of discrimination, bottle vs breast, right etc. But to be really honest, I feel that this could be unpopular, can I be uncomfortable looking at exposed body parts? No ill meaning, I know it's necessary, I don't connect it with something sexual. It's just that, I'd rather don't see it, hopefully you guys get what I meant.

I read often that many got really mad and protesting that it's violation of right and maybe other reasons I don't understand.. so please enlighten me.

I know, and I did and could, to just ignore or look away, which is fine. Again, what I don't understand is why many are so pissed about it, is it because they are using wrong reason when asking people to cover up? If I remember correctly, one of airlines I took often, was criticised strongly when a woman was asked to cover up because, their reason, other passengers are not comfortable. I wouldn't be the one who would comment or complain about that, as mentioned, I'm fine to ignore it, but if you ask me, I'd say I'd rather don't see it. So, is it wrong to be uncomfortable?

Sigh, I'm probably will be very misunderstood with this.

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It's perfectly okay with being uncomfortable with nudity, what I DO have a problem with is the whole sexualision and shaming of female nudity. They're BREASTS, they are meant for breastfeeding! But somewhere in the last few years they've become nothing more than wank material and it saddens me, I hope that clears up your confusion.

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2 hours ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

Forgive me if I sound ignorant, I'm actually confused about why many are so angry when they are asked to cover up.

I need to make myself clear that I don't see this in term of discrimination, bottle vs breast, right etc. But to be really honest, I feel that this could be unpopular, can I be uncomfortable looking at exposed body parts? No ill meaning, I know it's necessary, I don't connect it with something sexual. It's just that, I'd rather don't see it, hopefully you guys get what I meant.

I read often that many got really mad and protesting that it's violation of right and maybe other reasons I don't understand.. so please enlighten me.

I know, and I did and could, to just ignore or look away, which is fine. Again, what I don't understand is why many are so pissed about it, is it because they are using wrong reason when asking people to cover up? If I remember correctly, one of airlines I took often, was criticised strongly when a woman was asked to cover up because, their reason, other passengers are not comfortable. I wouldn't be the one who would comment or complain about that, as mentioned, I'm fine to ignore it, but if you ask me, I'd say I'd rather don't see it. So, is it wrong to be uncomfortable?

Sigh, I'm probably will be very misunderstood with this.

No need to apologize. Let's see if I can explain:

Breastfeeding isn't always easy. Especially young infants sometimes have trouble latching on and need help. Older babies tend to wiggle and squirm. Having to put a shawl over the baby and the breast makes it very difficult to nurse sometimes because you can't see your child properly, the kid can get scared or uncomfortable by the cover and scream or squirm harder, thus often hurting the mother, getting milk everywhere, etc. 

Breastfeeding is also often very intimate and emotional. And mothers are usually sensitive about being mothers. Telling a nursing mom to cover up or go away and hide suggests that her caring for her child in deepest, most loving way she knows is somehow shameful or wrong and can make her feel very hurt. 

It's also worth noting that breastfeeding is usually not a very revealing activity. It's not like you get naked in public and flash your breasts at everybody. And once the child has latched on, all anyone else keeping a respectful distance can see is its head. 

My personal experience so far has been that people would much rather sit near a baby that is quietly nursing than one that is screaming its lungs out because it's hungry and tired. A stuffed animal is a better cover than a shawl. And the people who complain are usually not bothered by the minimal nudity involved but the act itself that disturbs them for some reason that I don't know and probably never will. 

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4 hours ago, Fantasy Lover said:

They're BREASTS, they are meant for breastfeeding! But somewhere in the last few years they've become nothing more than wank material and it saddens me, I hope that clears up your confusion.

More like the past few centuries, I think.  A proper Victorian lady would have fainted at the mere thought.  And even when I was a kid, nobody breastfed their babies in public, period.  I thought it was pretty progressive the first time I saw someone do it under a little blanket.

I'm not sure what the legal situation is here, though.

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My sister-in-law has a special breastfeeding blanket that fits over her shoulders, basically like a light poncho, so she doesn't have to hang on to it, and she can look through the neck hole to see her baby.  She tried using a baby blanket at first, but it kept falling down.  She's says the special one makes it a lot easier.

 

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On 10/24/2019 at 2:57 PM, T.o.b.y said:

It's also worth noting that breastfeeding is usually not a very revealing activity. It's not like you get naked in public and flash your breasts at everybody. And once the child has latched on, all anyone else keeping a respectful distance can see is its head. 

I admit, when I first started seeing women breastfeed in public (and it's still not all that common around here) I was a bit put off by it … same as I am by seeing men parade around shirtless, or by women wearing thong bikinis. In my case, it is indeed the near nudity that bothers me, not the act of breastfeeding. But you're right, I found I could pass over it pretty quickly once I realized you didn't actually "see anything."

However, as it became more acceptable, many women stopped making any effort to be discreet, and are, in fact, "flashing" their breasts ... so now I'm uncomfortable all over again.

I'm not sure why. I think I feel like they're invading my privacy by not protecting their own? Or I feel like they're presuming a familiarity with me that I don't reciprocate? Something like that. I'm not comfortable revealing much of my own skin, either, whatever that means.

Anyway, public nudity - or near nudity - bothers me, and I don't make any apologies for being bothered by it. But neither would I make a scene about it … I'd just go somewhere else, or look the other way, or whatever. In the grand scheme of things, it's pretty low on my scale of things to be annoyed about. :D 

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