I'm replying to Arcadia's post, but the quote above is from t.o.b.y.
Ah, yes, the Return. If you thought Sherlock was callous toward John in the T.V. show, he's even more dismissive in the story. Watson receives such a shock to the system, he passes out cold. When he comes to, there are a few minutes of Holmes airily dismissing the last three years as 'I was in Llasa' and they're off to the races again like nothing happened. There's no hint of animosity or hurt on Watson's part--but Sir Arthur never got terribly deep with these stories or allowed too much angst to come between the partners. Watson on the page is so sunny and even-keeled and takes Holmes's verbal abuse with equanimity. Apart from grousing over missed meals, he generally does not complain about the chaos and disarray and stress of life with Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock on the page doesn't do guilt or second-guessing himself, even when he should.
TV Watson is far more realistic in terms of his behavior and his emotional baggage. That SH's 'suicide' was staged for John's protection doesn't make the betrayal feel any smaller, and in fact grates even more--John feels justifiably angered that he was considered too dim or weak to be trusted with the facts. Hearing that something has been kept from us or done to us for our own good doesn't tend to sit well, especially with adults. Most especially with adults who are veterans of the Afghan campaign who don't flinch at cutting people open. TV Watson comes to the same conclusion that his literary counterpart does: Life with Sherlock Holmes in it, under any terms, is preferable to one without--certainly more exciting--but it comes at a cost.
Obviously those two should have gone for couples' counseling as soon as Sherl returned from the dead, because John of S4 has a rage that is, perhaps not disproportionate to what he has suffered, but he's kept it all bottled up and S4 is the implosion. Such levels of anger are really toxic to the person carrying them around, as much or more so than the results of that anger on others. Of course, John isn't dealing with just Sherlock's betrayal at Reichenbach but also Mary's betrayal, and that cut even deeper because John knows that Sherlock's behavior is in keeping with his nature--but the Mary that John thought he married has been a figment from start to finish. That betrayal is worse. Then, before he can process all of this and come to a new understanding with the 'real' person he married--if she even knows who that is--she is killed. So--no closure with Mary. The rage he turns toward Sherlock in that final season is mostly misplaced anger at Mary and himself, too.