If John and Sherlock parented Baby Watson at 221B

[SherlockedCAMPer]

Sherlock orders the full size anatomical body and it arrives while he is watching Sheralyn. He sets it up in John's chair then goes out for a bit with Sheralyn. John gets home before they do and is surprised to see the body in his chair. He freaks out for a moment before realizing what it is.

[Inge l-w]

Sherlock up to the end of HLV is clearly not a romantic-partner material nevermind the huge responsibility of parenting :p

Dear Shadow Dweller, please read my reply to Boton above #32, thanks.

[joanneta1]

One day, Mrs Hudson comes up to the flat to tidy things up a bit and finds Sheralyn in her tall chair, with a woollen bobble hat pulled down to her nose while Sherlock is laying out cotton swabs, medicinal alcohol and a whole blood sample kit on the kitchen table.

"Sherlock, what are you doing?" comes her anguished voice.

"Shut up, Mrs Hudson!" he uncharacteristically whispers. "She has developed a slight rash, which I noticed while bathing her, and I am preparing to take a blood sample that I can send for antigen analysis. Molly will help, she is friends with everybody at Bart's.

"A blood sample, fine, but why did you pull the wool over her eyes like that?" (no pun intended)

As he proceeds very carefully, very quickly to draw blood from Sheralyn's dimpled forearm and she whimpers at the prick of the needle,

"Because, Mrs Hudson, I did not want her to catch sight of a needle and its uses yet! Now that I have satisfied your curiosity, get out!"

[Inge l-w]

 

 

 

 

I wonder -- what if Sherlock takes all the stuffed animals and fills them with actual bones and bits of organs, so he can teach the Watson kid basic anatomy?

Oh he could actually order a full-sized anatomical body. And when she's older and slightly more coordinated with her hands, they'll play Operation!

But where'd he put the body? Just leave it on the living room floor? The kitchen table's all filled up with his other science-y stuff!

c

Nope, nope, nope! (Imagine popping those p s,) now the kitchen table is full of baby bottles, bottle steriliser and such paraphernalia. The body would have to go next to the sofa, on the other side of Sheralyn's cot,

and all Sherlock's scientific jumble moved upstairs except for the microscope, which would need to share space with both John's and his laptops on the desk.

[Inge l-w]

 

 

Because John has a baby, he asks Sherlock to give up his bedroom since it is the larger of the two bedrooms and to take the smaller bedroom upstairs. Sherlock is not terribly fond of this idea.

Oh, see, I would bet differently on this one. I would bet that Sherlock insists that baby's crib be in his bedroom. He doesn't tend to sleep a lot anyway, and she's much handier for data collection that way.

 

John likes this arrangement, except for the fact that Sherlock tries to get John to wake up to do nappy changes. These take more time than usual, because you have to get the tare weight of the new, clean nappy, mark it on the outside, and then use the marked tare weight to calculate the "output" and enter it into the spreadsheet.

Dear Boton,

Your guess is as good as mine, but if he takes her crib into his bedroom, another major sore point for him would be that he would have to learn to wear pyjamas all the time around her, and that is one of his most private pet abominations, unless you can come up with a good script for this major change in behaviour, necessitated by not exposing a male adult body even an inch to a baby's eyes.

[Boton]

Ordinary Windows Excel, or the much fancier version on his Apple laptop, Boton dear?

 

Personally, I find the new Office 365 Windows version to be more robust for data collection and manipulation than the Apple version, but he may be an Apple loyalist.   :D

[Boton]

 

 

Because John has a baby, he asks Sherlock to give up his bedroom since it is the larger of the two bedrooms and to take the smaller bedroom upstairs. Sherlock is not terribly fond of this idea.

Oh, see, I would bet differently on this one. I would bet that Sherlock insists that baby's crib be in his bedroom. He doesn't tend to sleep a lot anyway, and she's much handier for data collection that way.

 

John likes this arrangement, except for the fact that Sherlock tries to get John to wake up to do nappy changes. These take more time than usual, because you have to get the tare weight of the new, clean nappy, mark it on the outside, and then use the marked tare weight to calculate the "output" and enter it into the spreadsheet.

Dear Boton,

Your guess is as good as mine, but if he takes her crib into his bedroom, another major sore point for him would be that he would have to learn to wear pyjamas all the time around her, and that is one of his most private pet abominations, unless you can come up with a good script for this major change in behaviour, necessitated by not exposing a male adult body even an inch to a baby's eyes.

 

 

Well, honestly, I think when you are dealing with an infant, that comes down more to cultural preferences than anything else.  

 

First, there's the assumption that Sherlock always sleeps nude.  We know that he emerged from the bedroom in SiB wearing nothing but a sheet, but there are a range of explanations for that, ranging from always sleeping au natural to enjoying some "private time" while John is out of the flat to changing clothes when he heard the Skype alert and just pulling a sheet over him because he couldn't be arsed to find his dressing gown.  We don't know that he doesn't rotate things around a bit, sometimes sleeping nude but sometimes sleeping in PJs or boxers.

 

Second, we are assuming that it would be a terrible imposition to him to wear more than usual.  For  many men (no idea about Sherlock Holmes), it's not a big deal to switch from going commando at night to wearing a pair of boxers.

 

Third, as long as the baby is an infant, there's not a lot of harm that can be done by him having a pair of PJ pants at the bottom of the bed and pulling them on over his boxers before he goes to pick her up.  Your own culture and expectations may vary; in my experience and upbringing, this would not be scandalous, nor would it be unusual for a bare-chested father or uncle to pick up a child, even one of the opposite sex.

 

Finally, dag-nab it, ladies!  It is first thing in the morning around here, and I haven't even had my coffee, and you are making me think about Sherlock Holmes sleeping in the nude!  I have work to do!   :P

[joanneta1]

Yep! And I have got to go to work, and bringing up Baby Watson is proving much harder work than actual, real life work. Blast it, pyjama bottoms would be just fine, from my standpoint. It works!

[SherlockedCAMPer]

Sherlock grabs a copy of The Hobbit off the shelf to read to Sheralyn.  He proceeds to explain that daddy does a really good job voicing Bilbo and that he does a great Smaug and Necromancer before starting the story.

[sfmpco]

Sherlock grabs a copy of The Hobbit off the shelf to read to Sheralyn.  He proceeds to explain that daddy does a really good job voicing Bilbo and that he does a great Smaug and Necromancer before starting the story.

 

If the ever actually used something like that in the show, it would be too funny but also a bit not good.

[Inge l-w]

Sorry, I thought the basic premise of this flight of fancy is that it can NEVER be used in the show. After all, we have worked really hard on this thing in order not to get its ideas purloined by the scriptwriters, thank you very much.

[joanneta1]

The whole apple discussion on another thread gave me this idea:

John has just opened the door to the flat and has started walking up when a cry of "John, come quickly" rings from the first floor, which makes him take those steps two at a time, since he knows from past experience that Sherlock does not get so anguished easily.

The scene he encounters is Mrs Hudson standing by the kitchen, Mycroft in his own chair, and Sherlock pacing up and down with little Sheralyn in his arms.

"John, I have just discovered that the baby is suffering from deuteranopia!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Daltonism, you idiot!"

"Thanks, Sherlock, I do know what deuteranopia is, I did finish medical school, if you remember! As you also probably know only half per cent of females suffer from that particular disability"

"Well, then, she may have inherited it from you, after all, you don't drive."

"It is not because I can't, Sherlock, it's because I never bothered to learn. They do not allow colour blind people in the armed forces, you know, and Mary is shortsighted, but definitely not colour blind. What has brought on this latest paranoid incident?"

"Mrs Hudson brought home some apples and oranges and pears for the baby's fruit cream, and I showed Sheralyn the red apples, repeated the name until she could almost say red, then did the same with the green ones. But when I asked her to pick a red or a green apple for her snack, she just looked blank. When I asked her to choose the green one, she picked up the red one. After I had prepared her snack with the red apples and went back to the question of the green apples, she picked up a red one again. What are we to do?"

"You might start by observing, dear brother, that the red ones are of the Rubens variety, nice and juicy and strawberry-flavoured, with a nice smell, while the green ones are Golden Delicious, which have a much more tangy, acidulous taste and smell that would not appeal to an infant not yet used to salty or bitter things. Really, this obsession of yours with Dr Watson's baby is turning you more and more stupid. You might consider downgrading that mind palace of yours to a mind cottage, perhaps?" comes the scathing retort from Mycroft, as John heaves a sigh of relief.

[Boton]

Tiny chemistry safety goggles.

 

That is all.

[Inge l-w]

Please add tiny safety apron and tiny safety gloves, if he wants to keep her at his side during his experiments.

[SherlockedCAMPer]

And if Sherlock is on the ball, everything is cleaned up so that John is none the wiser that Sherlock has Sheralyn by his side during the experiments and that there is a mini safety set for her.

[joanneta1]

Yes, but he would get into hot water if she started talking, and some of her first words were "alkaloid", "Bunsen" and "acid", for example. John may be his best friend, but there are limits!

[Arcadia]

John: "I'm not leaving my daughter alone with you, you'll ... go off into your mind palace or something, and forget she's even here."

Sherlock: (looking hurt) "John! I am perfectly capable of taking care of an infant. Leave it all to me."

John: "Are you sure? I could call a baby sitter...."

Sherlock: (picking up the baby and bouncing her like a pro.) "Nonsense." (The baby giggles.) "See? We've bonded already. Go, go, we'll be fine."

John: "Well ... promise you'll call me if there's any problem..."

Sherlock: "Of course I will. Now go, you'll be late."

John goes. Sherlock waits until he's out of earshot, then springs into the air shouting "Yes! It's Christmas!" and proceeds to conduct experiments on the baby.

[joanneta1]

Why not let them both experiment on your teddy bear, she is bound to have stuffed toys! It is far less dangerous and more educational.

[SherlockedCAMPer]

While John is at work, Sherlock checks the flame retardant factor of several pieces of Sheralyn's clothing. He then creates a chart listing the brand and which ones to avoid to keep his namesake the safest possible.

[joanneta1]

Absolutely, definitely! The same goes for her bedding, from the mattress in her crib to her snuggle pillow, to her playpen. And, of course, anything not adhering to specifications first gets thrown out and replaced by eco-friendly stuff, and then is tagged so that his solicitors can start proceedings against the offending firm for having come close to endangering the baby who is growing up into a tiny copy of Mary and John.

[sfmpco]

The little baby takes a freedom wee and wets his aubergine shirt while Sherlock is changing her, and after that he wears a plastic apron when changing her.

[joanneta1]

Talking of diapers, here's what could have happened on the first day little Sheralyn arrived at the flat.

Mycroft has, as usual, appropriated John's armchair and the two find him sitting in repose as they struggle up the stairs with the baby in her carry-cot.

"Sherlock, you are making a great mistake, letting that infant in here. It is going to play havoc with your analytical abilities."

Once more he gets a double-barrelled reply:

"Shut up, Mycroft!", from Sherlock, and an outraged "Oi! Mind how you talk about my baby daughter!" from John.

Mycroft continues impassively watching the pair as they settle her in the crib which Mrs Hudson had helped them set up next to the sofa.

Suddenly, Sherlock's finely honed sense of smell picks up an unpleasant one and he turns to John intuitively:

"John, what is that peculiar smell?"

Dr Watson has by this time become an  expert, so he nudges his baby daughter and simply smiles, "That's all right, Sherlock, she just needs her diaper changed, you have read up on the subject, so I shall entrust the task to you."

Sherlock picks her up and holds her at arm's length, as he takes a fresh nappy from their carefully stocked supply near the kitchen, and disappears in the direction of the bathroom.

"Dr Watson, I realise that during your stint in Afghanistan you must have witnessed some pretty harrowing scenes, but are you quite sure you know what you are doing? Your daughter is a fragile human being and my brother is not exactly the most patient man on Earth," comes Mycroft's comment.

Meantime, there is absolute silence in the bathroom, which is finally broken by a baby's shriek.

The alarmed Dr Watson runs to the bathroom, from which emerge a gurgling, smiling baby and a completely soaked through Sherlock.

"What, in Heaven's name were you doing in there?"

"Let me see, first I undid the soiled nappy, then I picked it up with the pair of tongs I use for hot contents, then I took her under the shower to clean her up, turned her upside down, towed her dry holding her by both feet to apply baby powder, then I couldn't get the fresh nappy around her  tiny legs, so I tickled her feet to get her to co-operate, pulled up the nappy and fastened it around her midriff as indicated in the manual."

"That's all as it should be, but why are you wet through and why did she scream?"

"I was so focused on the task that I forgot to wear that protective apron, and she likes to be tickled."

Upon which Mycroft interrupts: "Really, Dr Watson, you should engage a nanny, I can have one sent round this afternoon."

"None of your goldfish for my prospective god-daughter, thank you, brother dear!" comes back the sharp retort.

"Put your money where your mouth is Sherlock, you won't last a week trying to bring up a baby girl!"

"And there I was thinking you knew everything, Mycroft! Must be my misspent childhood in your company. I have read every relevant book on the subject, and I shall take up your bet. John and I are going to take care of that baby whatever it takes, and I bet you the family's Glyndebourne festival tickets it is going to go well!"

Then, he sees out of the corner of his eye John fumbling with his telephone.

"John, WHAT are you doing?"

"Nothing, just putting your brother's mobile number first on my speed-dial list."

 

[J.P.]

[J.P.]

The night before his first baby-sitting Sherlock had a nightmare.
 

 
I saw it. A GIGANTIC baby! Alone the head was so big!

[Inge l-w]

And the next morning, when it is actually time for Dad to go to work, Mrs Hudson cannot be dragooned into babysitting duties because she has all the shopping and washing up and general cleaning she does (I am not your housekeeper! Yes, the lady doth protest too much) , so Sherlock is left with the baby in her cot next to the sofa, where she is indulging in the common baby contortionist game of trying to get her toes into her mouth.

An alarmed Sherlock abandons his experiment of the day and starts observing her. She continues by starting to nibble on her fingers, oblivious of his intense scrutiny, until he fetches a pair of mittens from her dresser up in John's room, and puts them on her tiny hands.

When she is not deterred in the least, he hands her a plastic foot toy, specially designed to help babies teething. She grabs at it, while he plays a lullaby on his violin to soothe her. ...

When finally Dr Watson comes back from work, after a dreary day at the clinic, he finds his daughter astride Sherlock in his lap, both lying on the sofa, while Sherlock is letting her tug at his hair, pull at the lapels of his dressing gown and even head-but him as she gurgles in delight.

"What are you two up to now?" asks a plainly confused and worried parent.

"Nothing to alarm you, John, she was just going through a phase with her teething, and I did not want to use any of my chemicals on her, not even soap or quinine on her fingers, but, on the other hand, I could not let her continue, it would ruin the shape of her mouth!"