CSIBakerStreet

And I will try to be on as often as I can. I have a busy schedule being the world's only consulting detective. And also...I will...try not to constantly correct your spelling and grammar. That's just part of who I am, though. Where the capitals in your username are important to you, correct grammar and spelling are important to me. Till' the next time, Miss Adler.

Please. I am not slow in the least. If anyone's slow, cousin, it's either you or John. Though, I'd go more towards the latter. No, I don't. I am not imperious. Don't be stupid. Perhaps? Perhaps you've lost your brain is more like it. Excuse me, but a few other words? I have a few other words I could say about you, cousin dear. What sort of experience is that? I'm interested. Because from my experience, sentiment is a chemical defect found on the losing side. And you, you of all people, finally had sentiment. I didn't think you were actually interested in me because I'm "The Clever Detective in the Funny Hat". No. I knew you were interested in me. Because I took your pulse. Elevated. Your pupils dialated. Sorry about dinner. And what on Earth do you mean "I believe that John knows what I mean."?

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! The correct response was "You're not so bad."! Good God, what kind of an Irene Adler are you if you don't even know that? And if you plan on being closer aquainted with me, call me Sherlock. Not CSI.

Ahh, finally someone who shares my sentiments. I will be more than happy to be here to converse with you when you are on. And possibly you could do the same with me. It's rather dull having no one to respond to my brilliance. What shall I call you by? Sherlocked? Or would you prefer Miss Adler? It's hard to know with that...rather...nice profile picture. Well, anyway. Catch. You. Later.

Oh. You're rather good.

Actually, sherLOCKED221, it would be: I'M NOT DEAD LET'S HAVE DINNER KEEP CALM SHERLOCK'S ON THE CASE And Alice Holmes, those are actually...moderately good. Here's my next. YOU WERE THINKING IT'S ANNOYING! BRILLIANT IMPRESSION OF AN IDIOT I DON'T HAVE FRIENDS I'VE JUST GOT ONE KEEP CALM IT'S JUST A DOG KEEP CALM AND U.M.Q.R.A KEEP CALM COS I'M NOT SHERLOCK HOLMES! KEEP CALM IT'S A SIX STAY CALM AND KEEP TALKING DON'T MAKE PEOPLE INTO HEROS JOHN KEEP CALM IT'S A DEERSTALKER SHUT UP AND SMOKE KEEP CALM AND TAKE THE SKULL I'll keep going to my mind palace, but I suppose I must thank the other contributors whether they are worthy of my thanks or not.

I am actually glad to be back. But I will give all due to my subsidiary while I was away, Mary Morstan. You actually did a rather good job, which was surprising for you.

Greetings, everyone it's been a while. I am still not that well, but I am doing better than I was. I knew I had to get back because I've done it again. Caught another sighting of the elusive Sherlock Holmes, The American Gangster. This one was caught while watching The Reichenbach Fall with subtitles. The scene where Sherlock and John are running away from the whole team of Scotland Yard, and after they've seen their neighbor. They're in a corner and they look like they're ready to do something drastic. John asks "Where are we going?" And Sherlock says "We're going to jump in front of that bus." And they do. BUT when I watched the subtitles, it said "We going to jump in front of that bus." I thought to myself "I could never hear Sherlock saying that in my life!" And then "Unless it was Sherlock Holmes, The American Gangster!" So there you are. Watch it and pause it and see if you can catch him. Sherlock Holmes, The American Gangster strikes again!

Well. It's nice to know someone appreciates the work I do. In case you're interested, the main equation is y1 (y1 being the current year, or in this case when we first met Sherlock/me.2010) -y2 (the supposed year of his birth. 1980.)= s (the age of Sherlock when we met him). Then, you simply back track certain years to find out how old he would have been then. Simple.

I am not interested in men or women. As I told John. I'm unattached. He said and I'm inclined to agree with him. What purplexes me though, is that he said "Like me." Unattached like him? He went out with several females after that, what on Earth did he mean he was unattached?

(ignores Alice) And why exactly was it those relationships ended in the first place, John? The main shortcoming in all of your relationships are attributed to only one thing: You. A. Your ridiculous choice in women, B. Your idiotic ideas of "dates" (if they can even be called that when it comes to you), and most importantly C. You attempting relationships in the first place and D. Being idiotic enough to think that any woman could possibly be interested in you. Do yourself a favor and wake up. It's time you realised the difference between a dream and reality. Now go and do something useful for a change. I have business to attend to. (goes to THE POOL. You know which one. Shuts himself off from the entire world so no one will see him cry. He knows what he's thinking.)

Sorry the rest of you lot if this sounds a bit too much like a poem. But it sort of is. And since a certain someone will not respond to his messages or respond to my direct statements to him, this is what I shall resort to. So, here you are, John. I hope this will provide a valid explanation. Oh, and my apologies if it's a bit long. If I told you I was sorry… If I told you I was sorry, would you believe me? Even though you’re my friend, I don’t think you would. If I told you I was sorry, you wouldn’t even listen. You’d just block it out because you think I wouldn’t mean it. If I told you I was sorry, would you tell me that I’m lying? That I’m making it up just to get you to come back? If I told you I was sorry, there’s no way you’d think I’m serious. It just can’t come in your mind that I am telling the truth. If I told you I was sorry, you’d just keep on walking. Trying to get away because you’d think it isn’t true. If I told you I was sorry, you would never forgive me. Of everything I‘ve done this is the thing that is the worst. If I told you I was sorry, you’d say “Oh, that’s funny.” You cannot even fathom that I really am. If I told you I was sorry, you’d run off and leave me. Never come back because you don’t know how much I need you. If I told you I was sorry, you wouldn’t know how sorry. There are not enough words in the dictionary to tell you the true amount. If I told you I was sorry, I would fail for words. No words can ever convey the full truth of what I want to say. If I told you I was sorry, here‘s what you‘d think. After he says it and I forgive him, he’ll just drop it. It means nothing. I would tell you that I’m sorry, but you’ll see that I just can’t. If I told you I was sorry, then I’d lose my only friend. There. I will take this moment to say that this may be my last post for some time. I am going off for a while. If you were to ask me where, that's what I'm asking myself. But I am leaving none the less. And unlike some people (John Watson. AHEM.), I warn others before I go somewhere. Goodbye. Catch. You. Later.

And also Carl Powers. Clostridium botulinum was the main suspect besides James Moriarty himself. And also John, I've heard of two men. One man gives up his life for his best friend at a waterfall somewhere in Switzerland. The other man jumped off a 70 foot building in order to save his best friend's life. He didn't want to jump off. He thought he wouldn't have to. He thought he could still "stay alive" and save his friend as long as his enemy was there. Then, his enemy turns the tables and kills himself. The man realizes he has no choice. He would not let his friend die. So he jumps.

NO! JOHN! I mean...you've been through how many women already? Sarah, the one with the nose, the one with the spots, ...Jeanette. There, yes. I remembered. Is that all or were there more along the way? And how long did those relationships last, John?

WOULD YOU BE SERIOUS?! Do you know how worried I've been?! Where HAVE you been?! I've been checking so often and everytime there's been no response! And I just kept hoping and hoping that eventually you would. I was almost ready to burst every time I saw you hadn't said anything. I honestly thought something had happened to you. ...Did it? Forgive me, Carol. I'll be like this for a few hours. But as to my photo, anyone who knows Sherlock should know what it's a photo of. No, the photo was NOT in the miniseries itself, but it is a photo of something very important from the miniseries. My status update. It's clostridium botulinum. Get it now?

I already sent him a Private Message not too long ago asking if he was all right. He didn't even answer to that, so that concerns me even more. And yes, I sincerely hope he's fine. If he isn't...

WHERE IS JOHN WATSON??? He hasn't been on here in a while. I am extremely concerned about him. If anyone knows if something happened or where he is and why he hasn't been here, please reply. I will be very grateful to you. Thank you.

All right. Now, in the episode The Great Game, we find out when Sherlock first started. He said he was a kid in 1989. And on the commentary for The Hounds of Baskerville (I'm pretty sure), Steven Moffat says Sherlock's in his 30's. Said 30 before on the commentary for A Study In Pink. So I did the math. Our Sherlock would have been nine years old when he first started doing what he does. And just a neat little point, at the time of the H.O.U.N.D experiments; 1986; he would have been 6. Also they said the best year for Sherlock Holmes was 1895, but our Sherlock wouldn't have even been born yet! So, on top of all of this, he was 32 when he "left" us. These calculations may vary since we don't know when his actual birthday is. But...we at least know he was born in 1980.

I wouldn't "make" anything of it. Although John has tried to get me to watch them on several occasions. I honestly didn't see the point. He said something to the effect of "Sherlock, they've worked their entire lives to be able to partcipate in this. So it's really not for us, it's for them." Hardly cared. He did drag me once. Yes, that's right. He dragged me. And I did...how did you put it, John? Make fun of everyone there. Including the audience. And he was really sore at me afterwards. I told him I would be more than happy to give him my ticket for next years. And that I would not be going. We actually seemed to agree on this.

KEEP CALM AND VATICAN CAMEOS!

We all already know that there are several "Keep Calm..."'s for Sherlock. I am posting them here as well as a few of my own. For Lestrade: KEEP CALM IT'S NOT OUR DIVISION For John: KEEP CALM AND TEXT SHERLOCK For Me: KEEP CALM AND PUNCH ME IN THE FACE For Ms. Adler: IT'S OKAY I'M ONLY RETURNING YOUR COAT For James Moriarty (who lies beyond the grave): KEEP CALM AND GET SHERLJCK This one is especially for you, John: SCREW BEING CALM IT'S NOT OKAY!!! For Me: JUMP OFF BART'S AND I. O. U For anyone, not just me GET BORED AND SHOOT THE WALL See if you can come up with any. Reply at once, if you can. If you can't, reply anyway. Could be dangerous.

I hate myself everytime I think of this case. Now that I have John, I was thinking of when I saw him in the graveyard. And...if any of you tell him I said this, I'll bring James Moriarty back from the grave. I cried. Two perfect streamlines of tears down each side of my face. I just want to shoot myself. Honestly, I do. I should have stayed dead. I shouldn't have made it looked like I died, I should have just died. When I think of how I treated him, it's unbearable. He deserves so much better. My only friend and A. I told him he wasn't my friend B. I used him as an experiment. Nobody does that to their friend. Except a bloody egotistic maniac.

You are all horribly wrong. The best actor for my best friend is this one right here:

SHUT UP!!! She did not stimulate me in the slightest! NOTHING HAPPENED. GOT THAT? END OF CONVERSATION.

Wait, when did I "come back"? Because I know I jumped off and you thought I was dead, but when did I come back and how did you react?