Introverts, how is your day?

[Van Buren Supernova]

2 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

I had someone tell me once I was too nice - she said it with annoyance/anger, and I have always suspected what she really meant was I'm not assertive enough (which I know to be true.) But I do truly wonder if it's possible to be too nice. I think I'd rather be that than not nice enough. I think. Hmm.

Human interactions are tough.... but so is the lack of them.....

Hey! Too nice is possible!

I had a co-worker like that, and many times I really wanted to whack him. Can't you see they are using you??? Say no! What, you did that for them? Argghhhhhh!!! No. NO! Bad co-worker! Bad!

It ended up badly. He was indeed too nice, and was dragged into covering up some corruption attempts, he was fired together with those rascals. 

So yeah, don't be too nice!

5 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

Where's that younger man? Send him my way and I'll book the altar!  

Just elope!

I am not attending a wedding party, unless you promise a safe passage to leave early, and a big fat plump plum pudding.

[Arcadia]

37 minutes ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

Just elope!

I am not attending a wedding party, unless you promise a safe passage to leave early, and a big fat plump plum pudding.

Plum pudding??? Hey, if cake's not involved, the wedding's off.

[Carol the Dabbler]

8 hours ago, Artemis said:

I'm used to being alone and without human contact for long periods of time, but I think it's taking a toll right now.

Me too, considering how willing I am nowadays to chat with store clerks, medical assistants, et al.

You might try joining a special-interest group or doing volunteer work.  And/or, as Arcadia said, we're here.

 

[Artemis]

15 hours ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

Talk to us, Artemis.

But y'all haven't been around, lol.  Thank you, though.

15 hours ago, Arcadia said:

There's probably a way to deal with this but I doubt if I'm assertive enough to apply the method....

There may be, but I have no idea how it can be done in a way that actually benefits everyone including myself.  That's the problem with being a useful person.  When you're no longer useful, you're not anything.  It's next to impossible to set boundaries, even minor ones, because no one respects or loves you enough as a person, outside of your usefulness, to compromise at all.  If they can't get everything they want from you, they just move on from you.  And then your boundaries start to resemble a kind of solitary confinement.  So you're stuck between a choice of two extremes: Let yourself be used, or resign yourself to being alone.  I go back and forth between the two, though for some years now I've basically just chosen solitary.  I've got very little left in me, I'm too tired to be useful.  I feel as though I've been wrung dry.

9 hours ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

You might try joining a special-interest group or doing volunteer work.

Oh I have volunteered for many years.  Every year since I was 10 or 11, up until a couple years ago.  It's never really done anything for me, socially.  People take an immediate dislike to me.  I don't know why, maybe I'm just too weird or awkward or quiet.  Whatever it is, somehow I always end up shuffled to some back-room project away from everyone else, so they can continue having their fun without me.  I'm not even exaggerating when I say "immediate", they usually don't even talk to me before they decide they don't like me.  And if they don't actively dislike me, then they just have zero interest in getting to know me.  People don't understand me, and admittedly I have trouble relating to them.  A few months ago, I was listening to some ladies at my workplace who are all friends with each other having a conversation.  One was talking about her kids, another was talking about shopping for a new dress for her "hot date" that night, and the other was saying she couldn't wait to get home so she could drink some wine and watch "The Bachelor".  I related to 0% of that.  Even if I had been part of their little group, I would have nothing at all to contribute to their conversation.  A few days later I was trying to socialize a little with a different group in the break room, and something they said reminded me of "The Lord of the Rings", so I made a joking reference, and they looked at me like I was from another planet.  Not that it matters now, anyway, because they've all transitioned to working from home.  I'm just about the only one left who still has to come in to the office.  I just never meet anyone like me, who shares my interests or thinks like I do.

Even interest groups are about the same.  Everyone comes with their friends, and they're not interested in talking to people they don't know.  On occasion there will be a lone straggler, but they're always one-timers who never show up again because they've figured out the same thing I've figured out.  Sometimes I converse with that person and think we may have begun to develop a rapport, but it's never enough to motivate them to come back.

In any case, even if I thought some good might come of it, I don't have time for volunteering or interest groups at the moment.  I work about 75 hours per week since getting an additional job last year, and even more hours than that of late.  There's been a huge (and unusual, for this time of year) spike in deaths, starting right around Russia's invasion of Ukraine.  I suppose people must be stressed.  I'm stressed too.  If I keep this up, maybe I won't have to worry about living to old age after all. 

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

4 hours ago, Artemis said:

But y'all haven't been around, lol.

Neither have you!      I suspect the problem is that I come here to see what's new, but there's nothing, so I just leave.  And then you come here to see what's new, but there's still nothing, so you leave too.  Maybe we should start a "nothing" thread?

 

[Van Buren Supernova]

But what happens if I come to Nothing thread, and see Nothing so I post Nothing, and then you check Nothing thread, see Nothing and post Nothing too?

I'd suggest you moderators put a cake giveaway for anyone who post something in that Nothing thread, so it doesn't live up to its name, because Nothing is not created to be Nothing, right?

[Carol the Dabbler]

49 minutes ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

But what happens if I come to Nothing thread, and see Nothing so I post Nothing, and then you check Nothing thread, see Nothing and post Nothing too?

I see that I failed to explain my idea completely!  It would be a place where someone with nothing much to say could go and post some little thing which might give others a little something to respond to.  Come to think of it, though, that's what Speedy's is for.  We just need to use it more often!

53 minutes ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

I'd suggest you moderators put a cake giveaway for anyone who post something in that Nothing thread, so it doesn't live up to its name, because Nothing is not created to be Nothing, right?

Why am I not surprised by your suggestion?  

 

[Artemis]

35 minutes ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

Come to think of it, though, that's what Speedy's is for.

That's what I was thinking.  Actually a lot of the threads in this subforum could be used for that purpose, lol.

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

34 minutes ago, Artemis said:

a lot of the threads in this subforum could be used for that purpose

True!

I started to list some of those, but even better to let people browse and pick one for themselves.  (The index page for this subforum (Miscellaneous Musings) is here.)  Or pick any thread on the entire forum that appeals to you, for that matter.

 

[MyDonkeyHasCake]

Hi guys!

This is my first post here!

I'm just wondering, what do you guys get out of this forum? 

I love the community you guys have managed to develop for people like me, and think it's awesome that you've kept the love going way past the show's last episode.  

[Carol the Dabbler]

Hello, MyDonkeyHasCake -- welcome to Sherlock Forum!  

I'm going to hide my reply in a spoiler box, so that other members can avoid seeing it before they post their own ideas.

Spoiler

I find this forum to be a comfortable place.  We often disagree with each other, but we dispute each other's ideas, rather than each other's moral character as is done on so many other forums.  So I can come here and know I'm among friends (even though most of us have never met).  I think this atmosphere is the glue that holds us together.

Sherlock (and/or Conan Doyle's original Holmes stories) is what brought each of us here in the first place, and it's still our common ground.  So we're free to make casual allusions to the show (or stories) without having to explain.  And we can (and do) discuss the show (and stories) -- though not as often as we did when there had just been new episodes.

Also, the members tend to have a fairly wide variety of interests and some amazingly eclectic knowledge, so we can discuss just about anything, and can often help each other figure out some really oddball things.

And we're located all over the world (well, at least North America, Europe, and Asia, with sporadic input from Australia and Africa), so we can readily find out how something is done in other places.  It's interesting!

By the way, you'd better hide your donkey's cake before Van Buren Supernova comes back -- she's the original cake monster!

 

[Van Buren Supernova]

On 3/7/2022 at 2:23 PM, Carol the Dabbler said:

Why am I not surprised by your suggestion?  

Yet I am surprised you still don't bother to raise it up in your secret moderation meetings and make it happen.

 

On 3/8/2022 at 12:33 AM, MyDonkeyHasCake said:

I'm just wondering, what do you guys get out of this forum? 

Hi, welcome!

To answer your question:

First, it was to discuss about Sherlock.

Second, when I start to know the members, I find many are 'similar' or at least understand me, which is wonderful since there are only a few who do in my real life, so it's become personal. And I weirdly enjoy the calm/quiet community. Whenever it springs to life during new seasons, I'd chicken out and hide. 

Third, I can make weird jokes and get away with it here (or so I think).

On 3/8/2022 at 1:54 AM, Carol the Dabbler said:

...you'd better hide your donkey's cake....

Hmmmmmm donkey-sized cake...

[Van Buren Supernova]

This guy looks suspiciously like ginger Mycroft.

[J.P.]

But it's also sooooo true! 🤣

[Van Buren Supernova]

21 hours ago, J.P. said:

But it's also sooooo true! 🤣

Wait, which?

The reply or the ginger Mycroft?

[J.P.]

Both.

[Van Buren Supernova]

Not sure where to post this, I don't want to ruin the Cute animal thread.

As I might have shared here, my dog and I befriend many strays on the beach. Overtime, they become regulars. I know their spots, their time, their territories, their favorite treats, etc.

Any day can be the last day I see them, some were gone due to sickness, human’s cruelty, or old age. If I don’t see them, I usually assume they are well somewhere, adopted, or just wandering else where. It happens and and it works better for me. Sometimes they appear again to my delight.

However, over time, people notice and talk to me. They would tell me if something happened to the dog and if I knew they knew the dogs, I couldn’t help to ask. Sometimes it’s good news, other time is not.

Today is another bad one, after another bad one last week.

There should be a way to turn off feelings like what we always discuss. A bloody switch or something.

[Fantasy Lover]

Caring is not an advantage as Mycroft would say