Introverts, how is your day?

[Carol the Dabbler]

13 hours ago, Artemis said:

I was never “their little girl”, I was a little adult; mostly responsible for myself

Ah -- I've seen that kind of parent as well, I think, sort of Victorian.  From the family stories I've heard, the parents were raised that way themselves, and even though they still hold a grudge against their (now-deceased) parents on that account, they seem to know no other way to interact with their own (now-adult) children.  Sad, really, especially in the case of one "child" who takes it all too much to heart.

13 hours ago, Artemis said:

politely ignoring while I continue to live my life doesn’t make their shaming and badgering less frustrating, either, lol.  It can be quite wounding, in fact, but there’s not a lot I can do about that other than cut them out of my life, which I’d be unwilling to do.

Cutting them out might not solve the problem either -- you've been dealing with them long enough that you've probably internalized their attitude to some extent.  You might -- seriously -- consider getting advice from a counselor.  I think most cities/towns have some sort of human services clinic.  I went to one of those years ago and talked with a social worker who was very helpful.  She wasn't able to solve my problem of course, but she taught me how to cope.  And just being able to tell someone was comforting.

 

[Artemis]

27 minutes ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

You might -- seriously -- consider getting advice from a counselor.

I’ve been, thanks.   

I’ve definitely internalized it (can one help but internalize how their family treats them?), but I wouldn’t say I’m actively holding a grudge about it or anything like that.  I’m not angry.  At this point I’ve basically just adopted an “It is what it is” attitude about the whole thing.  I’m able to detach enough that I don’t have too much emotion about what I’m relaying; it’s just facts, now.

It would still be nice if they would quit it, though, lol.

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

18 minutes ago, Artemis said:

It would still be nice if they would quit it, though, lol.

Old dog, new tricks....

Not likely to happen.

Glad to hear that you're able to cope, though!

 

[Van Buren Supernova]

Forgive me, but these sound like.. toxic relationship?

My parents don't have very modernized point of view, they are still really into tradition and sometimes they drove me nuts with their opinions and suggestions, but I don't remember they really 'guilt' me into something I don't want to do. I always able to choose what I want, or maybe I'm those infuriated kid who never listens? Could be both, they were and probably still are quite frustrated with me, but eventually they know they can't really force anything, especially the only reason is 'normalcy', 'tradition', or because THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO!!! So I'm grateful they eventually let me be.

Having said that, I believe I had fair share of 'discussion', 'argument', 'pressure', and maybe it could work for you as well. What I did was just ignore that. Ignore, as in I didn't even give them anything to pick on. I don't respond to remarks or give excuse or try to show my POV, because they would just helpfully 'solving' all the reasons why I can't or why I won't. I did this stage when I already tried everything else, real discussion, excuses, reasoning, so I like to think I'm not actually bad mannered or anything disrespectful, and I mostly practiced this more to other busybody relatives because like said, my parents eventually 'give up' and they were not very pushy to begin with.

Anyway, so I just don't respond. A smile, that's all. A shrug. Trust me. It will kill their will to push. This is not a fun nemesis. I would neither agree or disagree with your analysis and suggestion. No weapon, no fire, no ammo. They would give up eventually.

[Artemis]

20 minutes ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

Having said that, I believe I had fair share of 'discussion', 'argument', 'pressure', and maybe it could work for you as well. What I did was just ignore that. Ignore, as in I didn't even give them anything to pick on. I don't respond to remarks or give excuse or try to show my POV, because they would just helpfully 'solving' all the reasons why I can't or why I won't.

[...]

Anyway, so I just don't respond. A smile, that's all. A shrug. Trust me. It will kill their will to push. This is not a fun nemesis. I would neither agree or disagree with your analysis and suggestion. No weapon, no fire, no ammo. They would give up eventually.

Right, that is the "polite ignoring and continuing to live my life" that I was talking about (which is how I've been handling it for quite some time now).  Apparently it does not work with my parents; they continue to comment and push, and even harder lately... which is what caused me to vent about it in the first place, lol.  The only "ammo" they require is for me to be within earshot.  This is not a brand-new phenomenon, they've been on me for years.  And I stopped trying to explain myself to them years ago.

 

[Van Buren Supernova]

I'm those who in the club that parents should be respected and loved. 

But, you must be a saint.

[Carol the Dabbler]

20 minutes ago, Artemis said:

they continue to comment and push, and even harder lately

Concerned about your biological clock, maybe?

My mother used to send me clippings about women who had had babies at whatever age I was at the time.  But she finally stopped, presumably because it's hard to find articles about women having babies past a certain age.  Hang in there.

 

[Artemis]

2 minutes ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

Concerned about your biological clock, maybe?

I imagine it does have something to do with that.

5 minutes ago, Carol the Dabbler said:

My mother used to send me clippings about women who had had babies at whatever age I was at the time.

My father does a version of that: He points out every woman of a certain age who's pregnant on TV and says something like "See??  She's having kids.  You could too."

 

[Artemis]

I had to take one of my dogs to the emergency center around 2am yesterday.  He's been limping for about a week, but I thought it was the cold weather making his joints stiff.  Then yesterday, he stopped walking on his front left leg.  I thought maybe he slipped and pulled a muscle, so I put him in his kennel to rest.  After about an hour in there, he started screeching out of nowhere.  The vet took an x-ray of his leg but didn't find anything, and she wasn't able to determine what was wrong with him.  I wish she had x-rayed his back too, because I suspect a back injury.  But she dismissed that out of hand.  He was prescribed a week of pain medication and strict bed rest.  I hope that takes care of it...  I'm really worried about him.

Meanwhile, another $650 of debt for me, after spending $300 on my other dog a few weeks ago, and close to $2000 on car and house repairs a few weeks before that.  Yay.

I'm getting crushed.

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

12 hours ago, Artemis said:

He was prescribed a week of pain medication and strict bed rest.  I hope that takes care of it...  I'm really worried about him.

That may well do the trick.  A lot of problems will resolve themselves, given a little time.  If not, though, maybe a second opinion is in order, hopefully from your regular vet.

I assume the emergency vet checked for splinters, rocks between toes, etc.?

Meanwhile, give him lots of love.  And don't forget to take care of yourself too.

 

 

[Van Buren Supernova]

Two years ago, my dog suddenly showed very strange behaviour. He would try to bite at something behind him (tail area? tummy?) He seemed very annoyed and restless. 

He would try to desperately to sit on my lap, as if want to disappear there, or hid in the corner, licking nervously at anything. It went so bad he would scream and cry as if in pain and unable to walk up just simple small height differences. He cried when I carried him up and down the car. We went to vet multiple times, multiple xray and found nothing. There were gas and stool, we even tried laxative and it only make him miserable and of course messy.  Before this he had lighter symptoms like licking, sleepiness and no appetite but only a very short period.

We did some organ tests as well, which is very expensive, and the vets couldn't find anything wrong. She suggested it could be OCD, something like when a dog has habit of chasing its tail, but I was very sure he was more likely trying to 'fix' something, maybe a pain.

Other vet prescribed him a nerve medication to help him relax, and it seemed to help. He gradually get better.

Now he sometimes showed similar symptoms, and what I would do is hugging him, and wrapping him in the blanket, and holding on his tummy area until he calms down. He is no lapdog, but he would let me and even sleep in my arm and in blanket (regardless of weather) for long time during these times. It never goes too badly, and I believe only one occasion I needed to give him just one or two nerve medications. Sometimes I give him medication for gasses.

I don't know what to conclude, I believe he had very bad gas trapped in his stomach that resulted in painful contractions, and he tried to 'fix' it by trying to bite at it. Any movements could cause him pain. Now that when he shows slightest symptoms, he would be receptive to snuggling and warm and light massage and it would gone away.

I have this problem as human, sensitivity to tummy area and I know how this pain feel like at its extreme, like someone grabbing all the intestines and everything together and squeeze them at both ends on opposite directions like how you would dry a towel, it would come and go, just like what he experienced. So my guess is that is what happened to him.

I hope your dog is going to be okay, it sucks that we can't understand what they are going through sometimes.

[Van Buren Supernova]

On 2/20/2021 at 3:16 PM, Artemis said:

He points out every woman of a certain age who's pregnant on TV and says something like "See??  She's having kids.  You could too."

Ehmmm... have you tempted to point out wrestler, sportsman or others around his age and says, "See?? You could do that too."

 

I have been tempted to whisper this to my aunt in funerals when she whisper to me once,"You are next." upon seeing pregnant relatives. Fortunately I live abroad and avoid any family events after that outside my sibling's marriages.

[Carol the Dabbler]

On 2/22/2021 at 11:34 PM, Van Buren Supernova said:

I have this problem as human, sensitivity to tummy area and I know how this pain feel like at its extreme, like someone grabbing all the intestines and everything together and squeeze them at both ends on opposite directions like how you would dry a towel, it would come and go, just like what he experienced.

That sounds like what I get sometimes when I'm badly stressed.  It's called spastic colon.  The best "treatment" I've found is whatever can calm my nerves, which depends on why they're frazzled at that particular time.  So even if you don't know what specific thing is upsetting your dog's insides, it sounds like you're helping to calm him, whether with hugs or with occasional medication.  I'm glad that you have each other.

 

[Van Buren Supernova]

 

These are awkwardly so relatable.

[Artemis]

On 1/22/2021 at 11:20 PM, Artemis said:

It's been a bad day.  Nothing's gone right, but mainly, it's my dog Cooper.

^ This illness, which turned out to be leaky gut, is finally taking a turn for the worse.  The severity of it has fluctuated in cycles, usually flaring in the fall and clearing up somewhat in the spring.  But he's never been this bad before.  Last night he was whimpering all night because of how uncomfortable he was.  He doesn't want to move or eat.  He has runny, uncontrollable diarrhea.  He's pretty miserable.

There's no cure for his illness, the symptoms can only be alleviated with medication.  But eventually the medication stops helping (if it doesn't lead to kidney failure first), and that seems to be what's happening now.  The vet gave him another med that should improve his condition in the short-term, but it runs out in a week.  If it doesn't help, or if it does but his illness cycles around again later with this severity, he will probably have to be put down.

Cooper has left us.  💔

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to console my other dog, other than showering him with attention?  Kippy and Cooper were together since they were puppies.  Every time I walk through the door, Kippy looks behind me to see if Cooper's following.  He lays down and stares at Cooper's kennel.  He was crying earlier today, and he had a seizure.  It almost hurts more to see Kippy lose Cooper than for me to, because Kippy doesn't understand.

He can't have too many treats due to his sensitive stomach, and he doesn't seem very interested in them anyway.  Should I move/clean Cooper's things, or would it be better to leave them up for awhile so Cooper's smell is still around?  I don't know what would help Kippy most.

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

Darn, that's a tough question!

What we usually do is have a "viewing" so our remaining cats can see that the other one is deceased.  That doesn't help you much, though.  As for Cooper's things, maybe gradually put them away, just a few at a time?  That might help Kippy understand, without being a jolt.

Lots of love is probably the most important thing.  And time.  When my two cats and I moved out of a house we'd been sharing, one of my cats ran around our new place all night, howling, and I didn't realize till years later that he'd been looking for my former housemate's cat.  Poor fellow!  But he didn't act nearly so distraught within just a few days.  Hopefully Kippy will do likewise.

And hugs to you.

 

[Caya]

My heart goes out to you and your pupper, Artemis. I'm so sorry for your loss.

If it helps, in my experience dogs seem to understand that someone (human or dog) is not coming back once the smell fades. So I'd leave Cooper's things for now, to get that message across to Kippy. Otherwise, give him lots of love for both your sakes.

Hugs from across the internet.

[Van Buren Supernova]

I am so sorry Artemis 

 

[Arcadia]

Hey Artemis. I just now found this thread, I'm so sorry to hear your news. It's never easy, is it?

I hope you and Kippy have been able to console each other. My friend just lost one of her doggies, that's how she, and her other pets, have dealt with it ... sharing lots of love and hugs.

[Fantasy Lover]

I'm afraid I can't help you, I never owned more than 1 dog at the same time. But I know a colleague who did that and when one his dogs passed away, he adopted another one after a while.

[Caya]

[Carol the Dabbler]

Makes sense to me!

By the way, a cichlid is any fish from the family Cichlidae.  Certain African species are popular aquarium fish.  (No, I didn't know that, I looked it up.)

 

[Van Buren Supernova]

So, this pandemic, makes me feel really grateful that I am an introvert.

I have been living alone with my dog, apart from my loved ones. We visit each other often, before the pandemic. Now it's been two years plus, and all I have near me is my dog, which I tell him everyday that I am thankful. Even at my work, I hardly meet human. My parents managed to visit me last year and stayed a couple of months, that's all. But I don't feel the deprivation at all, in fact, having this solid excuse to avoid human contact works well for me. With loved ones, we can contact each other as and when we want to. Of course I love to travel freely again and meet them, we have been missing each other badly, but I am really okay and thankful that we are still alright and healthy.

So, every time I go out I would pass by this distant neighbour. He is older, perhaps in his sixties or seventies, and he uses crutches to help him walk. Every time I would see him sitting beside the neighbourhood road with solemn expression, shoulder hunched, and lonely eyes. He sometimes lets his mask hang around everywhere else except the way it should be worn. There is this mom and pop laundry shop nearby and I often see him walking to or from that direction, many times I see him sits at the shop but it's very obvious to me, that his visit is not cherished by the shop owner. They are kind enough to provide him with a chair, but they don't seem to click well in their communication. Mostly I see them sitting far apart and not talking, or the owners are busy. It's a small shop, having a person parks himself in the small area during pandemic is not really a happy idea.

From being a very easily irritable introverts, originally me and mom liked to comment 'oh no, here he comes again. It must be dreadful for the laundry owner to see him', 'oh dear, this guys really invites himself', 'he doesn't even make it easy by at least wearing mask properly'.

But it wasn't long before we think that it must be very sad to be in that kind of existence. Lonely and craving for human connections. I think we are very lucky to have technology in our hands, that connection and entertainment, knowledge and everything are reachable. I can't imagine being him, how he passes his day, every day, wondering what he is going to do today and how many times that it's acceptable to invite himself around.

I still see him every day, for some reason I don't remember seeing him much before the pandemic except some beautiful afternoon when he sat outside his house. But now I see him everyday, sitting in front of neighbour's house by himself, or in that laundry. It's getting sadder to see him.

So yah. I think being introvert and having gadgets and internet probably play a lot in keeping people sane on top of this madness.

[Van Buren Supernova]

I know it's ridiculous, I should be grateful.

But to me, the world is scary out there. It seems impossible to detach myself from social media. I have done it for years (unless this forum counts), but quite long time ago I quitted my job and I am trying different things. The problem is, there is the need for me to exist in virtual world in order to make it work. 

So begrudgingly, I'm trying to. While it could be enjoyable when it's something of my interest, I can't help but feeling so helpless and uncomfortable. I'm not even sure if it works at all.

Also, it takes too much time. If I remember correctly, I stopped cold turkey almost a decade ago because I felt it took up too much of my time, and things started to get weird too. People that I knew had these unrecognizable 'online personas', it's almost like a fake world to me, and I want to genuinely hear and be heard. Yah, sound condescending, who does that anymore! Wake up!

Anyway, this time I try to exist as someone anonymous, detached from personal life, but as Sherlock said.. wait, Sherlock said something like self-portrait??  You know what I mean.

Before I ramble too much, is this the world for extroverts? Do you guys at least feel something similar and struggle with it?

[Carol the Dabbler]

5 hours ago, Van Buren Supernova said:

... is this the world for extroverts? Do you guys at least feel something similar and struggle with it?

Maybe it's extroverts, but then I wonder about the false personas.  Are extroverts always phonies?  Or are these introverts pretending to be extroverts?  Or maybe introverts who feel safe behind a facade?

Don't ask me.  I find it sufficiently time consuming to just be myself.