Introverts, how is your day?

[Van Buren Supernova]

I think my parents and siblings are introverts, so I don't have pressure from them to have more friends, however, because of 'social norms', they expect me to be sociable with relatives, which I really don't want to. We clashed quite a few times, especially when I was still staying at home long time ago, eventually they give up and understand me. (well they have four kids who are like that, although I am the worst)

Anyway, I remember when I was a kid, I begged my mom to leave me home alone instead of going to relative or someone's house with her, unless the person we visited have comic books, magazines or pets, and I am only required to say hi and bye.

 

And as I've gotten older I've learned to compensate; as I think I mentioned before, several of my current friends refuse to believe I'm actually an introvert. But I am, I just hide it better than I used to; primarily because it keeps other people off my back. :P

 

At any rate, what I was working around to was ... is there still that kind of pressure for teenagers to be "sociable", does anyone know? Or has it become more acceptable to be introverted at that age? Or was my experience unusual? Just curious.

I have a lot of pressure from friends and colleagues, teenager or now. But yes, as teenager the pressure is higher, or maybe because we didn't understand ourselves better on that age.

Not sure about now, but I think things never change, eventhough the pressure is probably a bit different now, like in different form maybe? Pressure to be liked or participate or whatever in social media?

 

 

Oh yes, therapy. I had therapy suggested to me a couple of times, but like I said, I had enough people around me who assured me I was okay that I didn't take it to heart too much.

I never had therapy and don't feel the need to, actually I hardly know anyone who has therapy or maybe I just don't know or it's not as common. As a kid, a pediatrician, a family friend, once told my parents that I might have social anxiety that could be a sign of mental disorder or something quite bad. Luckily, I guess, no one believes him, and he is proven lousy anyway. I just not very social and he caught me nail-biting. I do that whenever I have a lot of things in my mind, and also because I can't really sit still without doing something for distraction. Anyway, I didn't even see him more than twice during my whole childhood.

 

In defense of therapy; in can be good if you can find the right person, I think.

Hannibal?

 

 

 

 

 

...mixed scents (human's especially).

Hey I feel you!

I have sensitive nose. Lately, I recognize people who are not feeling well from a distance away. I can't explain it, but the smell is different. When they get better, it's gone. Weird eh. I hang out with my dog too much?

Maybe sensitive nose is one of the main reasons I hate being too close to people or being touched.

Oh, this maybe my borderline OCD, whenever I shake hand with stranger or someone I don't know well, I have to find a chance to wash my hand, very quickly.

Everything is different when I am in nature though, for example I don't mind dirt and actually become much more sociable. For example I don't mind grabbing stranger's hand, being close or talks when I go trekking or similar activities. I guess it's my comfort zone and sort of 'out there, there are no strangers crap' when we are going through the same challenge and share same passions. I'm not sure.

[Arcadia]

 

In defense of therapy; in can be good if you can find the right person, I think.

Hannibal?

 

NO. Good God.

 

 

...mixed scents (human's especially).

Hey I feel you!

 

 

I have the world's worst sense of smell. Clearly I need therapy. :P

[Van Buren Supernova]

I have the world's worst sense of smell. Clearly I need therapy. :P

Nope. Cherish that. It's not pretty out there. XD

[Van Buren Supernova]

Speaking about therapist, I think I have a couple of informal patients. I'm flattered but it's exhausting.

 

And come to think of it, I don't think I have ever shared my personal problems with anyone, or seeking advices. Unless it is known or there are other people involved in it, I don't share.

 

My reasons are I mostly know what I should do, it's just up to me whether I could do it. I also feel like sharing problem show people my weakness and failures, they can't really help me anyway, it would just remind me of the problem and their sympathy to me make me sad more than I should, and they have their own 

problems too. 

 

And most of all, I don't know how to start. Some really caring friends do ask me and question why that I hardly share anything that they can't see, but still, I don't.

Don't get me wrong, I feel fine except crappy days when I'm miserable, and I don't intent to change anything because it suits me fine. It's just that lately I have more 'patients', even though I don't think I'm that close to them, but they tell me everything! Every single thing. It's just such an opposite with me it makes me think.

 

Is this introversion also, do you guys do this?

[Arcadia]

Yup.

 

Every once in awhile I run into someone who just clings to me and tells me all their personal stuff that I don't want to hear. I don't mind if it's a one time thing, or an actual crisis ... everyone needs a sympathetic ear sometimes, I think. But the ones who just moan about the same problems day in and day out ... I get away from them as soon as I figure out that's what is going on. I don't know if they are drawn to me because I'm an introvert, though, or if I just happen to be the person who can't get out of their way in time.

[Van Buren Supernova]

Yes I would run if I could, but I sort of meeting them almost daily, and they have my number even though I tend to ignore them when I don't have the mood. Even so, the frequency increases.

 

What about not confiding with others? Do you share your problems? 

 

 

[Shadow Dweller]

@Arcadia: Sensory overload always a problem for me. According to some people, even as a baby I don't like too much noises. It is not quite a problem now since I can get away to other place with more soothing atmosphere. But my first impulse when feeling overwhelmed is not to curl into a ball or something like that, it is to snap into problem-solving mode, means find the most effective ways to take care of the cause of aggravation. In its original form this problem-solving mode only care for the end goals, which can lead to the end justify the means course of actions. Now as adult it is tempered by consideration to the environment to the very least. Of course since I knew about MBTI, Socionics, Keirsey-Bates and Enneagram, my experience and impulses actually makes sense.

 

@VBS: Same here, no unloading problems to most other people and no using them as some sort of verbal punching bag just because I've had a rotten day.

[J.P.]

To know about the sensory overload was one of the most important things I discovered. Sadly it was a bit late.
Alone knowing makes things easier (because they finally make sense!) - knowing is also a kind of being in control. Plus you can do something about it. Ear plugs. Making sure you can leave any time. Keeping the rewards in mind.
I don't hate people, I hate the noise they make.

[Arcadia]

Oh yeah, I unburden myself to others. But I hope that's not the only way I engage with them, I think mostly we do fun stuff and babble about things that are interesting to each other. I hope! But my two closest friends, yeah, we use each other as a sounding board all the time, it's how we let off steam so we don't pop. (Eww.) But with strangers or people I barely know? Nah. I am getting better at asking for help when I need it, though, but that's still pretty hard.
 
Shadow, I like to problem solve too, that's one reason it's so hard for me when people just want sympathy instead of help. If I can't do something to fix their problem I'm lost. But sometimes they just want the sympathetic ear for awhile; that's what I struggle with.
 
Overall, though, I try to approach people with a version of the Hippocratic Oath: first, do not harm. Because in the long run, I'm just a big old softie.

[J.P.]

Today I'm happy about the prospect of 4 days alone. :D

[Arcadia]

Spent the afternoon at the airport.

[Bluebell]

I had bit of a strange encounter today when I was going to the Donut shop in the train station. The Chick who sells them just saw my Batman hoodie and started at once chatting to me about the new film that came out just last night (Superman vs Batman, which I am probably not going to see, alone for the fact that Ben Affleck is Batman - yuck! Can it be worse? For me Batman is Michael Keaton, and Christian Bale did a good job as well, but the others I have seen yet - nooooo, and definitely not Ben Affleck, he's awful, I already hated him as Daredevil. I only liked him playing one of the two crazy angels in Dogma ;P) and how horrible it should be from the critics already, etc etc...and that she saw Deadpool, erm...yes, I only wanted some donuts, and it's nice when there's someone in the non-virtual world who likes movies and stuff just like me, but I was a bit like 'Huh?' totally overloaded with too much information at once and I needed to think about which donut I wanted, eh....did not really know what to say and just tried to chat along, while not exactly having the chance to think about my order and just took the most colourful ones along with the easter bunny-thingies because those I had decided for already before going there....the others were just taken because of confusion, even though they might not be that bad.

Was the first time I actually wanted a whole box for the weekend, usually I only buy one or two, which is easier to decide...maybe then the chatty girl would not have been so confusing. Weird, this world sometimes, really.

I mean, when I see people with funny or familiar shirts, I smile, but I would not start to chat with them right away like we'd known each other for long already. At least not somewhere in the street or the train, maybe if it was a film or comic event, and where likeminded people hang around.

But I wondered, maybe if I would stand there all day in the train station selling donuts I maybe would be the same, just because it's so boring, haha...it's just weird, because most shop assistants only want to sell their stuff and talk loads of rubbish, instead of talking your shirt and possible hobbies before you even ordered and looked around what you want.

 

[Arcadia]

Trust me, a lot of shop people are bored out of their minds, I think that's one reason some of them chat their customers to death. Customer service is often a very un-fun job; between the boredom, the poor pay and the handful of nasty customers, it can be a real trial to get through the day.

[Amber§]

I was interested in the conversation about therapy.

Well, I think that it's very difficult to find a therapist who can really help you, because not only he (or she) has to do a good job, but you have to find yourself at ease with him/her. You have to tell him everything about yourself (otherwise the therapy would be useless, I think).

Some years ago I started therapy for some problems, but I had a very bad experience, because the therapit was very unpleasant and bored of her job. So I gave up.

 

I think that more or less everyone needs to have therapy, for some reasons and problems, to have some help to solve problems and face difficulties caused expecially by adolescence.

[Arcadia]

That's actually why I avoided therapy for years ... I was afraid I'd have to tell them "all about myself" and then they would try to "fix" me. But it really doesn't have to be like that at all. The lady I ended up seeing, I just told her what my symptoms were and she gave me different suggestions and exercises to help combat the symptoms. But I do think I was lucky to find her. I had forgotten until just now, but she was actually the third person I saw. The second one just gave me a book to read (although the book was actually helpful too.)

 

But, yeah, finding the right person to help you can be exhausting, demeaning and expensive. As I said, I think I just got lucky. I deeply empathize with anyone who wants help but can't find it, it's misery. We really need to focus more attention on mental health and creating access to services, imo.

[Van Buren Supernova]

I don't hate people, I hate the noise they make.

 

What about T-shirt for that too? Or you've got it?

 

Trust me, a lot of shop people are bored out of their minds, I think that's one reason some of them chat their customers to death. Customer service is often a very un-fun job; between the boredom, the poor pay and the handful of nasty customers, it can be a real trial to get through the day.

Actually I think that is the reason for the opposite, that they are sick of people because they have been dealing with them all day?

 

 

I'm following two accounts on Twitter

https://twitter.com/IntrovertLiving

https://twitter.com/IntrovertDear

They are both mostly hilarious but also very true :D

I have only checked a bit of the link, I like these:

Naturally bad at networking.

 

I'm not saying all introverts are observant, but most of us can see an awkward situation, fake person, or small talk from a mile away.

[J.P.]

T-shirt? Yepp, thinking about it. :-)

[Arcadia]

 

Trust me, a lot of shop people are bored out of their minds, I think that's one reason some of them chat their customers to death. Customer service is often a very un-fun job; between the boredom, the poor pay and the handful of nasty customers, it can be a real trial to get through the day.

Actually I think that is the reason for the opposite, that they are sick of people because they have been dealing with them all day?

 

Oh, that too. But I think those tend to be the shop people you can't find when you do want them!

 

I have only checked a bit of the link, I like these:

Naturally bad at networking.

 

I'm not saying all introverts are observant, but most of us can see an awkward situation, fake person, or small talk from a mile away.

 

Not me, that's one of my problems ... I often really have trouble reading people and the undercurrents in a room. Sometimes I can, but more often, not. I don't know if it's because I'm not observant, or what. I find it hard to read facial expressions too. I guess it doesn't have anything to do with being an introvert, though. (?)

[Shadow Dweller]

Our ability to place ourselves in other people's shoes might be heavily influenced by the similar way of thinking and processing information with the other party. Farther it is, harder to guess what they think. The same thing is not always happen for motivations. But my radar certainly sensitive for people who are best to avoid. Often it only needs one meeting for me to decide even when the other person tries to endear themselves to me with praises and the likes. Maybe that's why I keep most people at arm-length, because real trust is sacred to me and it must be earned. It only needs one violation of it to lose it forever.

[Van Buren Supernova]

Not me, that's one of my problems ... I often really have trouble reading people and the undercurrents in a room. Sometimes I can, but more often, not. I don't know if it's because I'm not observant, or what. I find it hard to read facial expressions too. I guess it doesn't have anything to do with being an introvert, though. (?)

 

Our ability to place ourselves in other people's shoes might be heavily influenced by the similar way of thinking and processing information with the other party.

I think it works when we identify an introvert and recognize a situation we would find horrifying happening to them, we really know how they feel, yes, something like similar way of thinking with the other party.

 

In my workplace, I really love the lunch system, it' buffet, you can eat anytime from 11.30-2.30. The best time is 11.30, because there would be nobody, at least in the beginning. Gradually, same people would show up, but these are like-minded people, who want to avoid socializing and small talks. And it's kind of cute, without speaking, we understand each other and have peace eating together quietly with few knowing smiles and nods.

 

We know.

[J.P.]

Busy.

https://221cblog.wordpress.com/2016/03/27/for-introverted-people-do-not-disturb/

 

[Shadow Dweller]

@J.P. Is it the same thing with what we would put around door handles if we don't want to be disturbed by a hotel's cleaning staff? :lol:

 

People who uses others to let out their pent up negative feelings confuse me. They get shouty, break things and generally throw tantrum then become surprised when their bad behaviour earn them scorn and disgust. They try to compensate by doing 'nice things' such as bake/cook your favourite foods but do they really think that their demonstration of a poor self-control would be forgiven and forgotten just like that? What a naive and simple-minded way of thinking. You attacked me, you enter my list of 'people whose parents had failed to drill basic human decency into their mind'.

[J.P.]

Yup. Someone on Twitter gave me an idea. :D

[Arcadia]

@J.P. Is it the same thing with what we would put around door handles if we don't want to be disturbed by a hotel's cleaning staff? :lol:

 

People who uses others to let out their pent up negative feelings confuse me. They get shouty, break things and generally throw tantrum then become surprised when their bad behaviour earn them scorn and disgust. They try to compensate by doing 'nice things' such as bake/cook your favourite foods but do they really think that their demonstration of a poor self-control would be forgiven and forgotten just like that? What a naive and simple-minded way of thinking. You attacked me, you enter my list of 'people whose parents had failed to drill basic human decency into their mind'.

 

There's a lot of fanfics like that -- Sherlock behaves badly, then goes and does something nice for Molly or John or whoever the ship of the day is and everything is forgiven. Aggravating! I hate those. I'd much rather see him (or any other character) learn to curb his behavior. But not too much, or he wouldn't be any fun to watch. :D

[Van Buren Supernova]

Sometimes I can't stand him because he is too whinny and loud, but many other times I remember why I appreciate him.

 

Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm.