Introverts, how is your day?

[Van Buren Supernova]

I can remember several adults who tried to "cure" my shyness. I don't know if it's still that way or not ... we have a broader definition of "normal" now than when I was a kid.

Cure the shyness..haha.. good term. Adults gave up on me fast. Actually shy was not my problem, but maybe I was not a 'sweet' kid. I remember not obeying my grandma, my aunts or someone else because I believe they were wrong (and they were!), they didn't try to explain to me, instead they insisted that I was wrong just because they were older and that reasoning didn't sit well with me.

 

This is one of the reasons I moved recently to the countryside, where you are free to do almost anything you want (have farm animals, grow plants, renovate old buildings etc.)

Sound like a nice place. Will love to visit someday.

[Carol the Dabbler]

Actually shy was not my problem, but maybe I was not a 'sweet' kid. I remember not obeying my grandma, my aunts or someone else because I believe they were wrong (and they were!), they didn't try to explain to me, instead they insisted that I was wrong just because they were older and that reasoning didn't sit well with me.

Sounds like my father!  Every time one of us kids disagreed with him, he'd tell us that when we were older we'd understand his point of view.  My brother recently asked me if I understood yet.  I said of course not.  What Daddy failed to take into account was that he and I were two different people.

[T.o.b.y]

Ugh, when I was a kid I hated it when people told me I had to or wasn't allowed to do something "because I said so". I was basically okay with following rules, even uncomfortable rules, but only if I understood them and if the explanation made sense to me. Thank goodness my mother wasn't particularly authoritarian and my father just assumed I was as smart as himself.

 

As for overcoming my shyness, I wouldn't have done it for anybody else, but I eventually felt the need to do it for myself because it was so extreme it was interfering with my daily life. I mean, I couldn't even buy bread. Now, I don't think anybody can tell I'm naturally shy. People just consider me rude because I do avoid interacting with them when not absolutely necessary and rarely pick up my phone. :lol: My new neighbors must consider me a real weirdo. Let them. :P

 

Are introverted people often shy, I wonder? 'Cause it's not the same thing, introversion and shyness, right?

[Pseudonym]

I was wondering at that. When I was a kid I was considered shy but actually I think I was actually just anti-social. It's just more accepted to say a kid is shy.

[Carol the Dabbler]

Are introverted people often shy, I wonder? 'Cause it's not the same thing, introversion and shyness, right?

 

No, I think those are two different things, though there may be a statistical connection.

 

I used to be both shy and introverted.  Now I'm mostly just introverted.  (At least that's my self-diagnosis.)

[Van Buren Supernova]

I consider myself introvert than shy, but unsure if 'allergic' to attention is considered shy too, because I hate being the center of attention unnecessary like doing something stupid in a party (for example being the birthday person in a birthday party) or winning something in lucky draw on event you are forced to attend, but I would demand and get attention when there is something important to say in other situations.

 

Just a couple of years ago, I still reject my friend's invitations to social event with excuse "because I am shy", I love hanging out with them but not when there are many others around. Introvert as excuse didn't come to mind, as the result my friends thought I am anti social because according to them I am not shy.

 

I used to think that I am anti-social but I actually make a lot of effort when I voluntary decide to go out with friends, I would try to keep conversation going, and reach out to quiet or awkward or shy friend and not focusing on my phone (because I actually find that irritating when having meal with friends who are constantly attached to it. Don't ask me out then). Well, for non voluntary events, feel free to be surgically attached with phone because that's what I do to.

[Arcadia]

I'm definitely both. Although I've learned more social skills over the years that help me disguise my shyness.

 

I'm wondering how different shy and introvert are, though. I mean, I'm trying to imagine a shy extrovert, and failing.

[Pseudonym]

I think a shy person wants to be involved in social events but feels uncomfortable and anxious about it - for example, I want to go to the party but I'm worried I won't know anyone and it'll be awkward.

An introvert genuinely doesn't want to be involved as they are happier staying home - the party is going to be loud and crowded, I'd rather not go. 

 

Not that it's always that straight forward of course, but that's how I see it. 

[Van Buren Supernova]

(Geez I was typing midway, opened another tab to do some transfer, and quickly clear all those necessary cache and cookies to be safe there, came back here, continue to type normally, but when I clicked post, everything was wiped out and I was logged off. My bad, it happened before yet I still forget to save. Ugh! Don't the system know how long it takes for non English speaker to construct a post?!?! )

 

Anyway, I was saying that I agree with Pseud above, I can't explain better but maybe just add that an introvert can be talkative and enjoy people once they are in their zone/topic/environment/people they can relate well with.

 

Introvert (unpurposely) can also be the glue to the groups as I find myself, surprisingly, and even be the center of it, more surprisingly, although the energy is exhaustive. I think the key is 'selective' because for other social situations even small interactions can be hellish.

 

While a shy person tend to be more reserved in all social situations, and prefer to retract themselves and probably have more difficulties making friends.

 

I think, shy is curable when one becomes more exposed, while introversion is an character trait that sticks.

 

I could be very very wrong. :p

[Arcadia]

You could be wrong, but it sounds right to me!
 
It can take us English speakers a long time to construct a post too, and somehow lately I keep wiping my own out. The auto save used to come to my rescue, but my new OS doesn't play nice and won't let it help me anymore ... sigh. Tell me again why they keep "improving" the OS?

[Amber§]

When I was a child, I think I was both: shy and introvert. Now I think I can assume that I am introvert with everyone- even with my friends, and shy only in some situations.

For exemple, there are people who make me become shy, such as very girls (I don't know why), my parent's collegues..... But at parties, for exemple, I like going around and making friends with everyone, even if I still remain an introvert person.

 

I don't like talking too much about myself, but I like meeting people, even if the perspective of a party where I don't know anyobody makes me always a bit nervous.

 

I think that's what makes me introvert but not shy (not so much, at least).

[Pseudonym]

Here are a few tips for us :D

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

That reminds me of the scene in one of the RDJ Holmes movies where he disguises himself as an upholstered chair.

[Van Buren Supernova]

My favorite one is the one hoisted to the ceiling . I don't care with the possibilities of bumping into the roof only to avoid or at least show how far I am willing to go to avoid people. XD

[Pseudonym]

That's my favourite too, though knowing my luck I'd get to the ceiling and then awkwardly, slowly start descending again whilst people stood and watched. 

[hann156]

When I was a child, I think I was both: shy and introvert. Now I think I can assume that I am introvert with everyone- even with my friends, and shy only in some situations.

For exemple, there are people who make me become shy, such as very girls (I don't know why), my parent's collegues..... But at parties, for exemple, I like going around and making friends with everyone, even if I still remain an introvert person.

 

I don't like talking too much about myself, but I like meeting people, even if the perspective of a party where I don't know anyobody makes me always a bit nervous.

 

I think that's what makes me introvert but not shy (not so much, at least).

 

I think that I'm a little shy, but definitely more introvert. The shyness comes from a heavy school bullying from my childhood. It was never easy to be different in a small town.. But as said earlier here, as an adult it is much easier to be what you really are. And somehow it is easier to avoid people you don't like. :P

 

I don't like to talk about myself with strangers either and I hate it when somebody says that "You should open yourself." Well, maybe if I don't like to do that? It is a different thing when you meet a person you can trust and it is easy to get along with, then it's okay for me to talk about personal things also. The best parties where I have been are the ones where I have isolated myself with someone interesting or with a small group to another room to discuss about almost any topic.

 

And lol at the gif Pseudonym sent here. =D Maybe I shall try those techniques next time when I'm in some awkward social situation..

[Arcadia]

I had a boss one time who kept complaining because she "couldn't read me." Well, yeah ... I was doing everything I could to make sure she couldn't!!! In my opinion it was none of her business what I was feeling, it was only her business how well I did the job. Finally got sick of her and quit.
 
I do understand how unnerving it can be to be around people who don't give off signals, though. Some of the CIA/FBI/military/Homeland/secret service/police/etc. people around here are like that. It can be difficult to be in a room with them; you don't know if they're enjoying themselves, bored silly, or busily plotting how to kill you. Far be it from me to suggest they "should be more open", however; I figure that's their business, not mine.

[Pseudonym]

Can you tell what they are by how they act or do you already know?

[Carol the Dabbler]

Dark suit, dark shoes, white socks? ;)

[Pseudonym]

White socks?! You're getting confused with Michael Jackson, black socks surely? :P

[Carol the Dabbler]

Nope, old joke. From some movie, I think.

[Arcadia]

Can you tell what they are by how they act or do you already know?

 

I'm tempted to say yes, but, ah ... no. I know already or am told afterwards. Sometimes the uniform gives it away. I had a fairly lengthy conversation with a cop at a town festival one time; she stayed in "blank expression" mode the entire time, even though our conversation ranged from how stupid people are when they're drunk to isn't that dog over there a cutie. I felt like she was waiting for me to commit a crime the whole time. :D

 

On the flip side; I had a client one time who told me he was a Secret Service agent at the White House, and he was the friendliest, sweetest, most outgoing guy you could imagine. He'd just had his first child and was simply bubbling over with happiness. He was hiring me to make a calligraphy piece out of a sweet little poem he'd written to her. Honestly, he was such a puppy, I had a hard time imagining him in dark glasses and a suit, staring down potential assassins. You never really know about people, I say.

[Pseudonym]

When you were talking to the cop was she on duty? If she was still doing the blank face and not on duty that's when it gets a bit freaky. I act completely different in work mode to the way I do as myself, though admittedly the opposite way around, in work I have to seem chatty, friendly and approachable but as myself I'm very guarded and probably come across pretty blank. 

 

[Carol the Dabbler]

When you were talking to the cop was she on duty?

 

And what color socks was she wearing?

[Pseudonym]

 

And what color socks was she wearing?

 

 

Ah, yes, the most important question of all!!