Introverts, how is your day?

[T.o.b.y]

Over here, they often call it a visit from an aunt or strawberry week. 

[Carol the Dabbler]

Wonder why it's an aunt?  OK, a familiar female.  And I think most of these expressions originated in school, when your mother or your sister wouldn't visit, because they lived with you.  And you didn't yet have a mother-in-law or sister-in-law.  And cousin isn't specifically female -- though Cousin Flo would be.

[Pseudonym]

I've heard the Aunt Flo one. Not the aunt or strawberry though. 

[Caya]

I kinda like the term Shark Week. Also describes aptly what it feels like. I've also heard used (for an unexpected arrival) "waking up on the Japanese flag".

[Carol the Dabbler]

32 minutes ago, Caya said:

I've also heard used (for an unexpected arrival) "waking up on the Japanese flag".

Bit graphic, that one.  

[Pseudonym]

Lol, I think that one is hilarious! 😂

[Carol the Dabbler]

Might not seem so funny if you were Japanese, though.

[Caya]

Dunno, are Japanese touchy about their flag? (I know a grand total of one, and since she lives in Ireland now, I can't ask her unfortunately) I don't think any Austrian would mind having our flag used in such a phrase (we don't really give a [censored] either way, generally), but as it's a horizontal red-white-red one that would require some seriously weird sleeping habits.

[J.P.]

Funny, the term "aunt", or a bit harsher version of the term was used in Poland also. And "visit". But seldom together.

[Pseudonym]

It's scary when you reach that point where the relationship between parent and child starts to reverse. My dad isn't well, and my mother has said he has funny turns a lot but I've never seen one myself until this weekend. He was standing in the garden and just kind of... went. Completely vacant, not talking, not focusing, I had to grab hold of him to keep him upright and then with most of his weight on me steer him over to a chair. Put a drink in his hand and told him to drink and he just did it, unquestioningly, like a zombie. 

He's also started doing things and saying 'don't tell your mother.' Nothing sinister, but pushing himself harder than he should, and then wanting me to keep it to myself. On the other hand, my mother wants me to tell him not to do risky stuff, but he's not going to listen to me and I don't feel I have any authority to tell him what to do. I did negotiate him out of doing something a bit stupid on the weekend after my mother tried and then walked off in disgust but it's not easy. 

[Carol the Dabbler]

11 hours ago, Pseudonym said:

It's scary when you reach that point where the relationship between parent and child starts to reverse.  [....]  ... it's not easy. 

You have my sympathy, especially because it's likely to get even harder over time.  I'm further along that route with Mom, and it's tough.  Doable, but tough.  Even though you don't actually have any authority to tell him what to do, there will be times when it's nevertheless necessary for someone to do just that, and that someone is likely to be you, at least some of the time.  So hang in there.

[T.o.b.y]

It is a weird and sometimes unsettling experience. Our parents used to keep us safe and now they seem so vulnerable. When I first realized that, it made me feel very alone and frightened. 

Hang in there, both of you. 

[SherlockedCAMPer]

I have had to do the same thing with my own mom. She has Alzheimer’s. Not quite to the pint with my dad. He’s actually realized when he’s need to it do things.

[Arcadia]

Empathies from me too, kids. It's tough, especially if they don't seem to appreciate it. Let us all hang together … wait, that didn't come out right ...

[SherlockedCAMPer]

Empathies from me too, kids. It's tough, especially if they don't seem to appreciate it. Let us all hang together … wait, that didn't come out right ...

So long as we’re not immediately following the prisoner in Belarus, I think we’ll be fine.

[Pseudonym]

Happens to all of us I suppose. My mother is still pretty savvy, my parents aren't actually that old yet, but she does keep forgetting things which makes me worry. A while back we went shopping together and I bought a rug for my bathroom floor. I'm not very decisive, so for ages me and my mother were pulling out different rugs and comparing them, debating what colour and size to go for, I eventually got one, put it down, we agreed it looked really good. A month or so later, my parents visit and my mother says, "I really like that rug in your bathroom, that wasn't here last time we visited was it? Where did you get it from?" 😟

[Arcadia]

Yeah. 🙁

Brace yourself, here comes a hug...

[Pseudonym]

AAARRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

[Arcadia]

[Pseudonym]

There are a lot of discussions about the 'power of attorney' too. You guys ever had to do that?

[SherlockedCAMPer]

My dad has that for Mom and I’m secondary on hers. And if I remember correctly, my dad has one for himself where my brother is the primary.

[Arcadia]

Yep, I have it. It's not so bad, really. Makes it easier to get things done for them. Of course, that's if they agree to it, as my folks did. It's been pretty important, actually.

[Pseudonym]

My folks know it needs to be set up but can't decide what to do with me and my siblings. Decisions between three people could be messy but using just one is awkward and a lot of responsibility. Do you have siblings Camper? Arcadia, I think I remember you saying you have a brother? 

 

*ignore that Camper, just realised you say about a brother in the post. D'oh.

[SherlockedCAMPer]

That’s ok Pseud. I also have a sister as well and she knows she not the best person for making that type of decision, not that she doesn’t give insight and opinions. With my mom being in a nursing home, my dad and I go to periodic meetings for mom’s care and discuss the option with her care team & the doctor they use that comes in. It’s not fun.

My suggestion would be to have one child as a primary on the healthier parent with another child as a second and the less healthy parent has the spouse as a primary and a non-primary child as a second with 1 of the other children as a tertiary. (Eg my dad is the healthier parent so my brother is his primary and no other sibling is in it [even though I think it would be good to have either my sister or more likely me as the secondary as a back up]. My mom being worse off has my dad as primary, me secondary and my brother as the tertiary.)

[Pseudonym]

That makes sense. 

I think my parents are worried about it coming across as favouritism if they pick someone as primary. And to complicate matters, my brothers are only my half brothers (not my dad's) so that makes things more awkward too. 😕