Shoot the Wall (A.K.A. The Rant Thread)

[Fantasy Lover]

I hate cycling in the city, nobody seems to be able to drive probably.

[Pseudonym]

Here's another one when you book in for an appt somewhere and they are running late. I booked to get my undercut shaved an hour ago, was given an appointment time, been sitting here waiting for 15min. It'll only take a couple of minutes to do, but here I sit.

[Van Buren Supernova]

Ooh people late for appointment drives me mad. I could do so many things for the wasted minutes.

 

And what's up with people flirting out of nowhere?

Like just now, I got a text from the guy who I register my residence to every 3/6 months. Yah stupid regulation for outsiders. I'm overseas and he suddenly texted me and it was late. Normally I don't reply for texts outside very regular friends, but I was worried something was wrong, robbery or something urgent but apparently he was just making small talks, and when I said hope everything ok, he said not very okay because he hasn't seen me enough, only every 3 months. Blah blah.

 

That is completely out of nowhere because he was always nice, polite and reserve, we never texted out of formal communication, he is married and knows I am, too bad he knows I live alone too. Good thing he backed out fast when I remained polite and pretended not to read those.

 

Also, two days ago I was buying food and had to disrupt the eating staffs, didn't know so not to be rude I joked a bit. Just a frigging bit about food, and both of them, guys, seemed to think it's okay to blatantly flirt and kept going eventhough I ignored them. The problem was, after awhile I didn't get what they were saying, only have limited knowledge about the language they used that they thought I knew so couldn't snap at them. The usual staffs I knew were nicest people and now they put these two idiots. I'd rather starve that buy food from them if they remain.

 

Many guys have problem thinking we are flirting just because we are 'quite' friendly?

Who said it again that small talks/good social gestures are good/necessary?!?!

[Artemis]

 

One hour of sleep in three days... I'm too tired to even rant about it.

 

 

[SherlockedCAMPer]

 

One hour of sleep in three days... I'm too tired to even rant about it.

 

 

Probably can't be blamed on helping Sherlock with a case or a newborn in the house can it?

[Artemis]

Probably can't be blamed on helping Sherlock with a case or a newborn in the house can it?

For the former, I wish! For the latter, thank goodness no, lol.

[SherlockedCAMPer]

Alzheimer's is really annoying today. My mom wants to go home even those she is already at home. I'm the best at calming her and I'm 45 minutes away plus wait time for johnspec's ballroom dancing. My sister who could also help has no car so no means of getting there.

[Carol the Dabbler]

My mom wants to go home even those she is already at home.

 

Your mom too? How do you generally deal with that? Sometimes I can just say But you *are* home, Mom, you're sitting on the couch in the living room (or whatever happens to be the case). That usually works lately, but there was a spell where she was apparently living in a time warp.

 

Like one time I tried to prove that she was home by asking her what was across the road from her house -- and then I was gonna take her to the door and show her the big church over there (which she can kinda see even with her poor eyesight). But instead she said "I can't think that there's much of anything over there." And then she turned to one side and added "Is there, Dear?" Seeing as how my father passed on twenty years ago, and the church has been there even longer, she must have gone back quite a few decades that day.

[SherlockedCAMPer]

By the time I was able to get up there, she had calmed down. Normally I let her know where she is (sometimes using basic logic as necessary) and try to redirect to something else for conversation. Logic comes in more when she's waving at imaginary people outside. I have to remind her that her windows are one way glass allowing no one to see in during the day.

[Carol the Dabbler]

Mom is more into talking to her imaginary friends, especially during the night. She seems to enjoy it, so I don't generally interrupt. Goodness knows she has more imaginary friends than real ones nowadays -- one downside of outliving just about everybody.

[Artemis]

PTSD sucks.  I'm fine for months, and then I get triggered by the smallest, dumbest, innocuous thing, and bang: I'm shaking and my heart rate's up for 3 hours, and I'm on edge for the next 8.

At least it's less frequent these days.  Used to be an almost daily occurrence.  Nightmares every night still, but at least they've mostly gone back to being weird/creepy-scary instead of scary-scary.

 

 

[Pseudonym]

:( Are you out and about? Can you go home or would that make it worse?

[Artemis]

It's hard to say, always depends.  Sometimes it makes no difference.  I'm home now though.  It's only 4:30 in the morning here, and it's storming outside, so there's not much of anywhere to go.

 

 

[Pseudonym]

It'll be light soon though. Don't know if that helps but I always feel a bit safer in the light, even though I'm very much a night person. And cheesy Disney films for when I'm really freaked out by something. 

[Carol the Dabbler]

I had a few years something like that, only it wasn't PTSD. I thought it was stress, but it turned out to have been panic attacks caused by a couple of allergies ganging up on me. Anyhow, I'm a bit of a night owl myself, but always felt better once the sun came up. I could fall asleep then.

[Artemis]

I'm a night owl too.  I don't feel safer in the light, especially not the morning light.  But it is easier to sleep sometimes.  Haven't really found anything that helps consistently, but sometimes tea and television manage to soothe and distract, if I choose the right thing.

 

 

[SherlockedCAMPer]

PTSD and panic attacks are never fun.

 

Mom is more into talking to her imaginary friends, especially during the night. She seems to enjoy it, so I don't generally interrupt. Goodness knows she has more imaginary friends than real ones nowadays -- one downside of outliving just about everybody.

Unfortunately for my mom, her imaginary friends are more the basis for a good psychological thriller. I wish I could capture some of the situations she comes up with to write it as a novel.

[Arcadia]

I'm trying to remember what helped when I had panic attacks. Finding someone and talking to them, mostly. Fortunately, at the time I was insured by Kaiser, and they had a nurse line you could call 24/7. They heard from me a couple of times when I couldn't get to anyone else, and it really helped me. But that's me, I know everyone has to find their own solutions.

 

It's good that at least you know what is going on, Artemis. That was huge for me too, just understanding why these things were happening.

 

But it's no fun when it happens, period. Hope you get it sorted out soon.

[Artemis]

Thanks Arcadia.  I'm glad you were able to find something that helped.

Speaking to someone doesn't help me, unfortunately; in fact most of the time I'm unable to.  I especially can't answer questions, questions make it worse.

Knowing someone is nearby can occasionally help, as can hearing another voice.  They have to leave me alone though, they can't be fussing over me; and I have to be really, really comfortable with them.  Otherwise I need to separate myself and be alone to handle it, which is what I usually end up doing.  Neither of those things are really an option, anyway.

Once, a long time ago, when I was with someone when it happened, he read the rules of his favorite game to me.  That was calming and helped a lot.

Candles are soothing, and I learned once that if it's really bad, as in I'm stuck in a flashback or nightmare (a rare event, fortunately), the smell of smoke can snap me out of it.  Someone has to be around to spark it though.  I try to light a candle if I feel something coming on, or afterwards, but there's not much I can do if it's sudden.

That's about all I've ever known to be helpful.  :/

Thankfully I learned fairly early on what was going on with me.  Someone I knew (the same guy who read to me) was a student of Psychology at the time and recognized the symptoms when I told him.  For awhile I didn't believe I had it, because the onset was so late and so gradual.  For the first several months after the traumatic events that triggered it, I thought I was fine.  But as it started to get worse I realized I needed to do some research.

I'm just thankful it's died down to the extent it has.  The first 5 years were almost unlivable, and the next 5 were barely better.  I've improved a lot in the last two, but I think it will be a lifelong battle to some degree.

 

 

[Arcadia]

[Pseudonym]

I have my parents staying with me for a few days, and it's just a constant barrage of low level picking from my mother. 

"The front garden looks awful." "I can't move in this bedroom because this box is in the way." "It's like the black hole of Calcutta in here." "You could ask what to put on TV, we're the guests." This is after me sitting through a couple of hours of lifestyle and DIY programs I'd never watch in a million years and her saying I could put something else on if I wanted.

Today a plumber I booked to look at my boiler had to unexpectedly go in my room to look at my radiator, I was in work and my room is always a mess, so I've got that criticism today too - no one ever sees my room but me, why the hell would I have tidied it in case someone might have needed to unexpectedly go in there?

That's not to mention the non-verbal picking - things having been moved and cleaned that I had already cleaned before they got here. Things being tidied. I just got a sarcastic response when I said no ("no, thank you,") as if I am a wayward child rather than a 33 year old woman. Grrrrr. Grinding my teeth together right now and holed up in my room like a teenager. 

They are here to help me with some house stuff, which I'm grateful for, and my mother did clear the 'awful' front garden of weeds, but Jesus, give it a f***ing break! I've been in work all day, my head is pounding, I'm stressed enough as it is and I could really do without the passive aggressive nagging. Generally I get on fairly well with my parents, but my mother is really on a roll at the moment. Dad's just keeping his head down and not getting involved. 

 

[Arcadia]

Empathies, I have that problem sometimes too. I know my mom doesn't think she's being critical, but whether she is or not, that's how I receive it ... and at times it drives me right up the wall. I haven't found a good way to deal with it either, because she's long past the point of remembering anything I say to her. When I was younger (or more to the point, when she was younger, and could remember stuff) I could just talk to her about why it bothered me, and she'd back off. Now she just looks hurt and confused for a few seconds, then starts right in again a couple minutes later (usually with the exact same comment.) I just have to put up with it, apparently. Gah.

I find it does help to distract her by getting her out of the house, but that's time consuming ... when am I supposed to do all this stuff she's complaining about if I'm out squiring her around the countryside?

[Fantasy Lover]

Pseud, you just described my grandmother. Except she repeatedly calls me and my mom fat, the most notable moment was on Christmas while she was serving us seconds. You do get to call me or my mom fat, especially on cristmas, especially when you're giving seconds! Sometimes I can't believe I prefer her to my snobbish aunt.

[Pseudonym]

My mother is nowhere near that bad thank God, it's never anything personal about my appearance - that would definitely bother me more than any criticism about my house. She seems to have chilled out a bit since I got home luckily, though I'm still upstairs reading - partly because I can't bear watching their DIY programs anymore than they can bear watching my murder documentaries. 

 

I think the tidying and extra cleaning is meant to be helpful rather than a comment on my own cleaning being subpar, but it still feels a bit like a criticism. And yea, the front garden was a mess, but when am I meant to have the time to do it?

 

There's no point mentioning the picking, it'll come across as ungrateful and just devolve into an argument. I don't have the energy for getting into an argument over things, I'd rather just remove myself from the situation. Luckily my parents know I need to be alone a lot, so my vanishing into my room to read for hours is not exactly unusual. 

 

'Squiring her around the countryside' made me chuckle.

[T.o.b.y]

Poor you. How long are they staying?

 

I used to have problems like that with my mother but it's gotten a lot better lately. She understands that my place is my realm and she doesn't get a say in how it's run and when I go home, I respect her fussy ways because I know I can just leave any time ("home" still being my parents' house for me even though they have moved since I grew up).

 

My mother-in-law behaves a lot like you describe your mother. At first I felt criticized and belittled too but I really think she is only trying to be helpful and feel needed. So nowadays, if she cleans our trash can or mends our sheets, I just smile and say: "Thank you! You know you would be welcome just the same if you didn't do anything around the house, right? Would you like some tea?" Or I distract her by asking about her job.